08/30/2025
The following comes from the heart and is a testimonial and statement about things that have happened over the last couple of years. I have been up all night trying to figure out what went wrong in life. I know the answer I never prepared for my future but the most awful thing has happened to me over the past 2 years. I lost my fiance who I loved very much, I lost two or three good friends, I am stunned by the rate I'm losing friends and that I can't figure out because I've always been a guy everybody loves. Stupid, d***y, cracking corny jokes but always had a smile on my faceI always tried to make other people smile but I had it out with my best friend my boss and someone I have had such a great time with the last year and a half. They helped me when they could when they weren't busy. They did but they couldn't follow through because they're just too darn busy in life. See when somebody's in trouble, they're starving, their homeless or they are lonely and there on the streets, you don't throw them cookie and walk away and think you did good. You don't give them one shower a week and expect them to show up that one day in a tuxedo looking great. I let him see me at my worst in full depression and I was judged and thrown and thrown away. All the people, my closest friends and family seem to be doing this. Miklo, Patty, Erin, Laura Hernandez, , Erik etc. I was in dire need of help because of severe depression caused by losing The ability to add Lowe's of Oxnard to my resume because I walked off the job because I was asked to by the former mayor my ex-fiance due to COVID violations. That's 7-year blank on your application is not going to get you anything but a minimum wage job, I was devastated because I couldn't afford enough money to upgrade my business to keep up with the times after the COVID. I was turning down two jobs a week for indoor DJ jobs that I couldn't do because I didn't have the right equipment. Liberty printing even though they meant well by giving me a rap, 5 months in and destroying my summer 2 years ago I got mad at them and I went and picked up my graphics and did it myself and to this day it sits unfinished because of course I didn't get all the graphics and now I'm not talking to them. The name's I mentioned are the people that I held most dear in my life and considered family and would have done anything for but you got to understand the homeless life is lonely, it's agitating it's miserable it sucks especially if you don't have a job while you're homeless. I spend 90% of my money advertising every single night The van has to stay running which means the gas bills atrocious and there was a time it worked really well and I guess things have changed. I went from Dr feelgood to disappearing and being forgotten about almost overnight. And we're talking about the people that I deal with everyday. Strangers and admirers of my work have been keeping the donations going and the only thing I have because the business is gone under. I'm sick and getting better at a slow rate instead of a fast rate and my whole life I volunteered gave to the community when anybody needed me and I thought that's the way it would be if I ever ran into trouble and I thought everybody thought like me and there have been some people that have shined like a god and those are people that I don't know. Why the f*** is everybody I know and love abandon me. I now understand the business end of it because just because you're called family, doesn't mean you are because technically you're not and after being called family by a restaurant I so admired and gave a year and a half too, let me know that it's business and family first and he did not have the time for me. And I didn't hear that out of him until I walked up one day after a week of no showers, smelling like s*** because I have I have issues with the body and all I got was I don't have to help you. I gave this guy so much free work and so much love because I never thought he would turn and say those kind of things. It's not easy bringing someone out of a depression when they're losing everything. It's super easy to turn your back and forget about them. I've met so many nice new people that would give the shirt off their back to somebody they don't even know because they believe in them and their work or because they don't have to conscious to watch somebody go through this. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't know why I keep pi***ng everybody off because I love you all and I miss everybody and I'm sorry to each and every one of you that you thought it better to have me out of your life than in it. And people Wonder why I'm depressed. I'm people person I love being around people and no one wants to be around me now. I am doing this on my own now. I'm going to the shelters to get food, I'm looking at my options and there's not many not many at all and it would have been so much easier if a brother, friend, step family member, would have just picked me up and saw me through but I guess That's asking too much these days and I guess things have changed because this is the way I was brought up. To help a brother in need you know pull them in and save them, not at your convenience when it is needed. I don't like to show my face much anymore and I can't walk that well so you're just going to be seeing less and less with me until I disappear but I will keep up the content and I will slip into a couple of events but there's some really mean people out there who only care about themselves and would attack someone like me make themselves feel better about turning their backs so it's not over and to everybody I've ever disrespected it was never intentional. something's changed over me since I was dumped by my fiance it changed me, it made me one big a****** and I'm sorry for that. It's nobody's fault I can't blame anybody for it but I didn't see it and it took a couple years to happen and when I finally see what an idiot I've been I look around and I've lost everybody and everything and I don't understand how I just want to run out and volunteer some more. A ton of people showed up this weekend I didn't get one tip I spent $50 of gas and advertised Thursday and Friday. It was a huge turnout it was like candy cane Lane it was a steady line of people driving through to check out the van and say hi and I got inquired about maybe five or six jobs but that's future cash flow and I spent all my money advertising for two days cleaning up the van cleaning myself up and now tomorrow morning when I wake up I'm stranded again I have no money to wash my clothes and then I swear to f****** God this is I just I just don't want to do this anymore I want off the streets now and it looks like I'm just going to die with all the the disrespect of some kind of criminal crazy man. I just loved being out there and absorbing the culture and the people and never meant anybody any harm. Anybody who is ever honked as they drove by, anybody who called to see how I was or text me to see how I was, anybody who donated God bless you all, and anybody would rather see me move forward than backwards I thank you so much. But I was right I have little or no options and have to start all over again at 56 with no friends or family well I can't say that I have made some new friends and I just don't want to go anywhere near anybody any more because I don't want to lose anybody else. I can't even see my cat anymore. Thank you for listening this is a closing statement and any problems I may have in the future or going to remain private and will not make it to this site. I just had to explain what I was going through. Enjoy the content. The first picture is what I look like now and the second picture is what it look like before I was homeless. It has aged me 10 years and prevented me from chasing lowriders now
