La Gringa Novelera

18/07/2025

A few years ago, when I decided to learn Spanish from watching telenovelas, and I started writing daily summaries of what I was watching on by Jose Ignacio Chascas Valenzuela on
, I did not know where that crazy roller coaster ride of a show would take me.
I had never seen a show like this in my life; I had never seen characters this insane, yet so great-looking! I had never seen a show with so many twists!! I was dizzy but I was having a blast!!!

Well, the ride brought me to Mexico City, where I went to write the telenovela of my dreams!

While I lived there, was showing the series again, and I was so excited to relive one of the greatest adventures of my life: “SANTA DIABLA!”

In just one episode,
Santa/Amanda had to drug her new husband Humberto while on their honeymoon so she could go visit her son in the hospital and also make-out with her new brother-in-Law Santiago Cano, where her mother caught her, and would have yelled at her more but she had to get back to her job in the Cano family mansion where she is pretending to be a maid and hasn’t let anyone know that Humberto’s new beautiful wife “Amanda Braun” is really Santa, her daughter, and the widow of the Cano family piano teacher they framed for r**e and killed in prison... or did they??

And Humberto’s end of the honeymoon is not going well either because he’s usually unconscious and when he’s not, he finds out he has an 18-year old son named “Ivan.”

And there’s never going to be a better character than Crazy/Beautiful Ines Robledo played by Ximena Duque, who showed up at her father’s law office, put that battle-axe/inefficient legal secretary (because she’s pretending too) Paula in her place, and demands to know where everyone is hiding her future husband (but he doesn’t know it yet) Santiago Cano, who is in love with his brand new sister-in-Law Amanda/Santa.

I always felt Santiago should have given Ines more of a chance because she only had one name.
Plus she was as crazy as he was.

And it’s only THURSDAY!!!

I love reliving this show!!
Every minute of it!!!!!

And I never dreamed that when I saw the show again, I’d be living in Mexico City!!!

25/06/2025

25/06/2025

Little Honor needs a family in the USA!
Please read all about her and support the The Sato Project!

26/05/2025

ARE YOU WATCHING “VELVET?”
The new supernova supernovela from Telemundo Series?
The first week just wrapped up so if you have missed it you have plenty of time to catch up before the action starts again tomorrow night!
And it’s also on Peacock!

So what is it about?
A glamorous, elegant NYC department store that has fallen on hard times because the owner of the store, “Mr Marquez,” played by Humberto Zurita, refuses to catch up with modern times, so the clothes he sells are so out of style that Prince Royce walks out of “Velvet’s” fashion show, and Mr Marquez throws himself out of the window.

On one hand, I don’t blame him because everywhere I look I see young women wearing their pajamas, white socks, and Ugg slides.
No, this is not what they wear at home.
This is what they wear when they go OUT.
If I owned an elegant clothing store, I might throw myself out of the window too.
What is the point of selling beautiful clothes, expertly tailored, to girls who want to wear pajamas and fuzzy slides OUT TO EAT?!
And don’t get me started on the white socks.
If I was Mr Marquez I wouldn’t bother updating my line either, even if His Highness Prince Royce was coming to my fashion show.

But Mr Marquez had bigger problems than an out-of-date line and inability to please royalty.
He had borrowed a lot of money from the Chinese Mafia and they wanted it back.
I don’t think they appreciated the pickle Mr Marquez was in, and judging by some of their outfits, the gangsters did not seem too interested in fashion.

When Mr Marquez went out on his lunch break, the Chinese Mafia even kidnapped him and threatened to kill him, but then they returned him to the store after his friend and store manager “Emilio” rescued him because he is a great store manager, and knows where everyone is every minute.
Emilio convinced the Mafia to let Mr Marquez go because dead men don’t make money.

Here is another big problem bearing down on Mr Marquez: He owes his BFF Mr Otegui even more money than he owes the Mafia.
Even though they are best friends, and Mr Otegui probably would not kill the Marquez family, (but its a telenovela so you never know) he’s about to foreclose on his loan to his buddy Mr Marquez and sell Velvet for scrap, even the scraps.

And to pile on Mr Marquez, his extra-handsome son Alberto is home from seven years of school in Spain, and has announced he’s moving to Paris with his girlfriend Ana, who works as a talented seamstress at the store, has a heart of gold, is beautiful, came to NYC as an orphan with her uncle Emilio after her mother was killed in a factory explosion in Mexico which I’m pretty sure Mr Marquez was responsible for, and always wears a white labcoat at work because that’s how important sewing is.

So Mr Marquez is having a bad day, and when Prince Royce walks out of the fashion show, which is not only rude but foolish since after the fashion show the finger food is always fabulous. Mainly because everyone can eat!

Mr Marquez can’t take one more blow or visit from his creditors, so he kills himself.

And like George Bailey in “It’s A Wonderful Life,” Alberto can’t abandon the store to the Mr Potter of the fashion world, Mr Ostegui.

So Alberto decides to stay and save the store, and wants Ana at his side as his wife and creative director.
Unfortunately, circumstances conspire against Ana & Alberto.
And when I say “circumstances” I mean:
every member of the awful Marquez Family,
Ana’s uncle Emilio,
The Entire Ostegui Family,
The Chinese Mafia,
and even Prince Royce.

No one thinks Alberto should marry Ana, especially Crazy/Beautiful Cristina Ostegui, who keeps everyone on their toes by suggesting that she is suicidal at all times, especially when she can’t get a good table at Balthazar.
Or she can’t get Alberto, the love of her life, to take her out of the “friend” zone.
Cristina has already declared “Alberto is mine! MINE!!” And that declaration in a telenovela, as in life, is a hallmark of insanity.

Her father is so desperate for Cristina’s happiness and a cure for her psychiatric issues that he offered Alberto a deal:
“Marry my daughter and I’ll forgive Velvet’s debt.”
Alberto should have countered with “Will you continue to cover her therapy bills?”

Because as we all know, after years of watching Woody Allen movies, NYC psychiatrists are very expensive, and they never cure anyone.

“Velvet” has a FANTASTIC cast that includes telenovela greats like Carlos Ponce, Sonya Smith, Aylin Mujica & Ricardo Kleinbaum!!
And pretty soon, a new surprise will show up- a character in prison but getting out soon - named “Isabel.”
And I don’t know where she fits into the plot, but she is gojng to be GREAT because she will be played by ITATI CANTORAL, so Sonya Smith & Aylin Mujica and Carlos Ponce had better buckle up!!

“Velvet” is so great and I haven’t told you the half of it!
It’s on every night, and then repeated every day on Peacock TV!

Join me!
It’s a lot cheaper than shopping and waaaaay more fun!!



Sandra Velasco
Alejandro Vergara
Laura Sosa Pedroza

18/05/2025

Was it just a year ago that I shared the shame of my mostly empty high school scrapbook, which documented the non-events of my teenage life at the “Mortified” show?

And the show took place at a big downtown theatre full of strangers??
And worse, family and friends???

Here’s a clip!
You can watch the whole show on You Tube!

Thank you Mortified Chicago!!

15 seconds · Clipped by karenknn · Original video "WBEZ Presents: Mortified Live - Summer Vacation" by WBEZ Chicago

01/05/2025

I had been writing about telenovelas for two years as “La Gringa Novelera” when Telemundo Series invited me to the Chicago stop of the press junket for Season 3 of “El Senor de los Cielos!”

Of course I took the day off of work as a Gangs prosecutor to go to a “press event” for a telenovela about the most powerful & romantic drug dealer in history.
Aurelio Casillas had the co***ne AND the Kavorka! (IYKYK)

So although I figured it would take place at the shiny HQ of NBC/Telemundo downtown, it happened in a parking lot of a strip mall on 26th Street, inside of the most tricked-out semi- tractor/trailer that you could ever imagine, and right next door to the restaurant El Chisme.
Inside of the truck they had holograms of the main characters of the series.
Holograms, like an exhibit at the Museum of Science & Industry but better because it was about a telenovela.
And the characters were just as beautiful, glamorous, insane & terrifying in the form of light waves as they are in human form on the show.
Further deep into the truck was a small movie theatre with popcorn, where we watched upcoming highlights of the coming season, and actress Carmen Villalobos gave a lecture on her conflicted character Leonora, whose fiancee was killed by Aurelio, then she fell in love with Aurelio, then she married the President of Mexico, and then Aurelio killed her accidentally when he was trying to kill the President of Mexico.
I didn’t have the heart to tell the publicists from Telemundo that I was a prosecutor and not a press agent or reporter until someone asked me for my card.
The mask dropped.
And since we were standing in the shadow of the Criminal Courts building, I told them who I really was, and then I expected to be thrown out immediately.
It would have been weird to be thrown out of a semi- in front of a lot of reporters from Latino newspapers, but I figured there’s no such thing as bad publicity, especially if I can’t understand what they’re saying about me.

But NO!
Not only did they not throw me out, they couldn’t have been nicer and also more confused about a prosecutor who was oddly devoted to writing about telenovelas even though I didn’t speak Spanish!

It was a great day, and it led to even more remarkable times.

I’m grateful every day that I decided to try to learn Spanish from telenovelas on Telemundo Series!

And thank you forever Telemundo Public Relations!

21/02/2025

Little Ella is a Sato rescue looking for her forever family!
She is a peach!

Maybe she is your future best pal!


The Sato Project

20/02/2025

WEDDING ADVICE from Gloria Guzman, aka “LA JEFA!”
Gloria is the Protagonist of this exciting new NarcoNovela from the minds of Yutzil Martinez Sifontes & José Vicente Spataro at , and is a new version of the classic novela Señora Acero, from Roberto Stopello, Amaris Páez & Indira Paez!

“La Jefa” premiered Tuesday night with the wedding of Gloria Guzman to Juan Jose.
Juan is a big Drug Enforcement Czar.
He could have devoted himself to breaking the cartels and stopping the madness of the drug trade, but JJ went another way, and stole $5 million dollars from the local cartel.
So the cartel chief (and crime victim) decided Juan Jose’s wedding to Gloria Guzman would be a good place to get revenge because people don’t usually bring guns to their wedding (they ruin the lines of dressy clothes) plus there might be a good Sweet Table.

Needless to say the wedding is a banger from start to finish and if the weddings I go to in Chicago were this exciting, I wouldn’t go outside to smoke.
I’d light up right at the table because in the middle of all of the explosives and gunfire, what’s a little second-hand smoke?

Based upon the events of her wedding, if Gloria’s future career as a money launderer does not work out, she could start a unique bridal consultancy business, advising brides-to-be (or husbands too!) of the warning signs that your wedding will end in bloodshed and betrayal, (and whether or not if 25% or more of your guests are killed before dinner, can you cancel your contract with the caterer?)

Here are Gloria’s Top Ten Warning Signs Your Wedding Will End In Gunfire:

10:
You Thought It Would Be Fun To Combine Your Wedding With A Gender Reveal Party, But Your Guests Don’t Like It Because They Are Only Getting One Meal In Exchange For Two Gifts.

9.
Your two battle-axe older sisters have long faces at your wedding because you have the nerve to wear white even though your pre-teen son is standing up as Best Man.
(Plus your sisters say that they saw Juan Jose first, and it doesn’t matter to them that they were both married already.)

8. Many of your guests are nervously looking at their watches.
(These are the same guests who, when asked at the church whether they were “Friend of the Bride” or “Friend of the Groom,” responded “Neither.”)

7.
The groom’s security chief discourages him from wearing his bullet-proof vest because it will ruin the lines of his tuxedo.

6.
There is a machine-gun mounted on the top of the caterer’s van where the follow spotlights are supposed to be.
Your caterer insists it’s just a new design from an incubator in Syria.

5.
All of the tables look extra-crowded because your seating chart did not allow for heavily-armored wedding crashers.

4. Your groom suggests the Bridal Registry at
“Bullets, Berettas, and Beyond.”

3. You’re running out of ice because the coolers are filled with fully-automatic sub-machine guns.

2. The waitstaff are all wearing masks because of the Pandemic and it’s 2025.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN THAT YOUR WEDDING RECEPTION MIGHT END IN DISASTER??

1. The banquet hall is located inside of the “El Chapo” wing of the local hospital.

——————————-

“La Jefa” is going to be a fun ride! Watch it with me!
I learned a lot more than Spanish learning Spanish from telenovelas!!

You can watch it every night on , or on Peacock TV, in any language you want, without or without subtitles, whenever you want.

Telemundo Public Relations

Telemundo Public Relations

27/11/2024

Have you been keeping up with “Sisters’ Feud” on Netflix? I’m about to start Episode 9, which is titled “From Bad to Worse.”
My question is Bad for Whom?
Worse for Who??
(My other question is “Is it ‘who’ or ‘whom,’ which is why I used both here.(
I hope it’s Worse for Antonia, who is holding strong in First Place for “The World’s Worst Antagonist Ever.”

So here’s what’s happened:
Perla found Pedro’s biological mother, who Antonia had sent her boyfriend/enforcer Orlando to find, kill, and grab her kidney on the way out, because Pedro needs a kidney in order to survive.

When Perla found Mrs Mejia (Pedro’s mom), Antonia and Orlando showed up and Antonia, who has to spoil everyone’s good time, shot Mrs Mejia, blamed Perla, and then Antonia rushed Mrs Mejia into surgery, to remove her kidney and give it to Pedro.

Although Antonia is not a doctor, inexplicably she does appear to have privileges at the local hospital, and once the kidney transplant was over, she was placed in charge of Mrs Mejia’s post-surgical care, with Orlando as her Certified Nursing Assistant and Boyfriend.

To keep everyone from visiting Mrs Mejia, Antonia put an armed guard on her door, which none of the real medical staff seemed to think was odd.

When Mrs Mejia woke up, she was terrified when she saw Antonia & Orlando standing at her bedside because they both lack a bedside manner, unless they are in their own bed.
Antonia told Mrs Mejia to “relax,” and that they were going to take her “downstairs, for tests.”
Again, ANTONIA IS NOT A DOCTOR, so Mrs Mejia should have objected or at least reached out to her insurance company who would never approve tests performed by someone who is not a doctor, especially when most insurers won’t approve tests performed by a real doctor.
The insurance company would have definitely stopped Antonia & Orlando.

But instead, the “Sonny & Cher of Murder & Make-Outs” took Mrs Mejia down to Radiology, where they killed her.
Now she will never be able to tell Pedro who his biological father was, or how Antonia nagged and threatened and nagged Mrs Mejia until she finally agreed to sell Pedro to Antonia.
In a flashback, Antonia recalled how when Mrs Mejia finally agreed to sell Pedro to her, Mrs Mejia told Antonia, “But his father will never agree!”
And Antonia answered “You let me worry about his father.”
And that’s when we all knew that Pedro’s father was already dead, and the only thing Antonia was worried about was where to bury him.

Especially those of us who are fans of the movie “The Godfather” knew EXACTLY what Antonia meant because when in “The Godfather,” The Evil Virgil “The Turk” Solozzo tells Tom Hagen “You let me worry about Luca Brasi,” we all knew EXACTLY what that meant: That Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.

Similarly, the man who fathered Pedro sleeps with the iron ore in the Zenteni mine.
And not only was he Pedro’s father; he was also Lucas’ father, which makes Lucas & Pedro half-brothers.
This is good because they are best friends.
But this is bad because Lucas & Pedro are both in love with the girl they know as “Itzel,” who is really Jacinta: daughter of Perla; niece of Antonia who Antonia stole from Perla at birth but then traded at the orphanage for Pedro after she terrorized her for 4 years and then told everyone she was dead, and has now hired her to be her personal assistant and nurse to Pedro and his new kidney, even though Itzel is not a nurse.

MEANWHILE, Pedro married Sophia even though she came out in the middle of the wedding, but they got married anyway so her father Maximo would keep his promise and pour a lot of money into the mine.

One thing I’ll say for Maximo: Even though he’s a killer, the secret head of The Gold Cartel known as “El Compa,” and he does not live up to his name “Maximo,” which should mean “The Best” but he’s “The Worst,” he really knows how to keep a promise.

Plus he’s in love with Perla.
He brought her a sandwich the other day, and I’d bet everything I have that he never brought his poor wife a sandwich a day in her life.

Maximo thinks that he and Perla have a lot in common because they are both big investors in the Zenteno Mine.

Wait until he finds out that they have even more in common than that, because the money Perla used to buy into the mine so she could boss Antonia around is the money Perla’s boyfriend and very unusual police officer Efrain stole from “El Compa,” which is Maximo’s alter ago.

And now that Pedro’s life has been saved, Antonia is busy hooking up with Orlando, getting blasted, and talking to the ghosts of all of the people she’s killed, so she’s got plenty of company.

There’s a reason why “Sisters’ Feud” is the #1 show on around the world:
Everyone has someone they are feuding with:
Maybe we don’t own a mine, or our sister didn’t lasso us, or we didn’t shoot up a church so we could go to prison to find our long-lost daughter,
but it’s fun to live vicariously through a crew of people who are as great-looking as they are dangerous and insane.

Watch “Las Hermanas Guerra” on anytime you want in any language you want!

And keep up with the story here!

Jose Ignacio Chascas Valenzuela

20/11/2024

With José Ignacio "Chascas" Valenzuela – I just got recognized as one of their top fans! 🎉

20/11/2024

If you think “Bad Sisters” are bad, then you’ll love “Sisters’ War” on Netflix!
Anyone can be bad, but only the Guerra Sisters can be this bad while looking this good.

So in Episode 4, Jacinta has gone to the Zenteno mine, to find her father Bernardo and kill him with a gun she stole from Efrain’s arsenal.
Efrain has been fired from the Durango Police Department, but he has a new job where he can fly a helicopter, break people out of prison, sneak others INTO prison, and also have time to try to get Perla to fall in love with him. Again.

So while Efrain is making goo-goo eyes at Perla during target practice, and Perla is trying to be friendly but not encouraging, Jacinta steals a gun and goes to the mine by sneaking onto a truck.
Her plan is to kill Bernardo as payback for ra**ng Perla, in spite of the fact, or because of the fact, that is how Jacinta was conceived.

So Jacinta goes to the mine, where she puts on a hard hat so she will fit in, even though she’s the only woman at the mine.
When she finds Bernardo she is about to shoot him to death, but then the mine collapses and he saves her life.
When they are both trapped together and Bernardo is in a coma, Jacinta tries to help him because now she feels bad she was going to kill him, and when Bernardo is comatose, he does not seem so bad.

Meanwhile, the Evil Paulina, who has just found out her son is dying, but doesn’t know that her husband is trapped in a mine, but feels bad that she “disappeared” Pedro’s blood parents so they could never return to claim him but now he needs one of them to get a kidney, takes some much-needed “Me (and Him) Time” at a motel with the best lighting in the world.

Pedro helps rescue Jacinta and his comatose father from the mine, even though he’s only operating on one working kidney. I believe this rescue could lead to a love story for Pedro & Jacinta, which will make things awkward on Thanksgiving.

MEANWHILE, Jacinta now feels sort of bad about a plan to destroy Bernardo because he did save her life at the mine.
But Perla is insistent on the revenge plan, probably because she will get a makeover and new wardrobe when she takes over control of the mine buy buying outstanding shares using money Efrain stole with the help of a Narco from a Gold Cartel who will only dance when no one else is watching.

Consuelo, the police officer pal of Efrain’s who broke into prison to help break Perla & Jacinta out of prison, is very much in love with Efrain, but he loves Perla.
I already feel that Consuelo should hook up with Bernardo because no one likes them best so they could have each other.

Consuelo, in her police uniform, helped Efrain steal the millions from the Gold Cartel, which has to make you wonder what they teach at the Durango Police Academy and can they please start teaching it in Chicago.

Then Efrain gave the money to Perla so she could buy all of the shares in the mine, and a new fancy wardrobe to go with her new shares.
When Antonia learned that Perla owned a majority of the mine, her anger was matched only by her envy of Perla’s new dress and hairstyle.

Antonia will not share the mine, or male attention, with Perla.
Antonia is now torn between saving her son’s life,
restoring Bernardo back to health, or stuffing Perla into a car trunk with a rattlesnake.

It’s tough, because there are only so many hours in a day.
And there are so many people to kill.

You can watch this blast of a series on Netflix, whenever you want, in any language you want!

Jose Ignacio Chascas Valenzuela