06/09/2026
Over the years, I've coached dozens of people to write their memoirs. I’ve noticed some recurring patterns in what first-time memoir writers tend to want to include.
Here are my thoughts on what you might leave out of your memoir:
Too much backstory up front. Writers often feel they need to explain everything before the story can start. For instance, one client insisted that the reader needed to understand the whole family history before they could get the first real scene. Dumping all the data early slows things down considerably. Great memoirs begin with action, that pulls the reader in. Weave the details of the backstory as the story unfolds.
Lots of side characters who don't matter. Your life is full of interesting people. They can add color, but not all of them belong in your book. If a person doesn't help you share your story, if they don’t challenge or support you in a meaningful way, their presence can dilute the narrative.
Every detail of every conversation. Dialogue in a memoir is reconstructed, not transcribed. You are not a stenographer; you don't need to record entire exchanges. You want the dialogue to be snappy, witty and contribute to the story line. Trust the reader to fill in the rest.
Repetitive scenes. If you have three scenes that all show the same thing, it stagnates the story. For instance, one memoirist wrote three scenes showing how awful her husband had been to her. Two could have been cut. Unless it serves a purpose, cut redundant scenes.
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