Ballistic Faith

Ballistic faith is a place for healing and challenging men in the church.

10/07/2024

Defensiveness is a form of pride, and that the antidote to pride is humility well, the antidote to defensiveness is to accept responsibility! Accepting responsibility for your role in the situation, even if only for part of the conflict. In healthy relationships, partners don’t get defensive when discussing an area of conflict. After admitting your mistake, you can shift toward working on a solution. Partners who avoid defensiveness instead take responsibility for their role in the issue and express an interest in their partner’s feelings.

10/04/2024

You might also consider seeing a therapist to help build your self-esteem, work through your emotions, and develop healthier ways to respond in challenging situations. Therapy can be a powerful tool for identifying those deep-seated feelings that often trigger defensiveness and learning how to change those automatic reactions.

If communication with your partner is a common trigger for defensiveness, couples therapy could be a great option as well. It provides a safe space for both partners to practice healthy communication, understand each other better, and improve emotional connection. Through therapy, you’ll gain skills that not only strengthen your relationship but also help you feel more confident and empowered in every aspect of your life.

Taking that step toward therapy is an investment in yourself and your relationship. Growth happens when you’re willing to work through the tough stuff and open up to new ways of connecting.

10/02/2024

Assertiveness in communication is helpful in most homes. In the simplest terms, proactive communication helps you state what you think or feel without criticizing or blaming the other person or dancing around a topic so as not to activate or create conflict. It is always respectful of the other person’s humanity and never hostile, even when you are expressing feelings of anger. Staying on topic and not bringing up the past (or any other personal issues) is another communication skill to minimize defensiveness.

09/30/2024

Defensiveness often stems from deeper emotions like feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, shame, or even identity struggles. At the core, it’s tied to low self-esteem, making us more likely to react when we feel criticized or exposed. But there’s hope! One powerful way to combat these feelings is by working on our sense of competence (with a P).

Building competence means putting in the effort to grow your skills, knowledge, and abilities, which in turn builds confidence (with an F). The more confident you feel, the less likely you’ll be hurt by criticism, and the less defensive you’ll become over time. This is a longer-term approach to reducing defensiveness, but the effort is so worth it.

It’s about a holistic journey—self-affirmations, studying scripture, prayer, and self-care can all guide you toward seeing yourself for who you truly are: God’s masterpiece. Embrace the truth that you are worthy, loved, and fully equipped to grow through challenges.

09/27/2024

Sometimes, you can see those moments coming that tend to trigger your defensiveness. 🤔 For example, when your spouse says, *“Can I talk to you about something when you have time?”* or *“Can I ask you a question?”* – it’s a signal they have something important to discuss, something on their mind or heart. Or maybe it's a conversation about the household budget that you know can sometimes lead to tension. 🏡💸

If these kinds of conversations have made you defensive in the past, it’s an opportunity to prepare yourself in advance. Instead of jumping straight into defensive mode, remind yourself of the tools you've been working on: *pausing, listening, validating, and reflecting.* By keeping the earlier steps in mind, you can approach the conversation with an open heart and mind, ready to engage rather than react.

It’s all about recognizing your triggers and setting the intention to handle them differently. That shift in mindset—choosing to stay calm and connected instead of defensive—can transform these conversations from moments of conflict into opportunities for growth and understanding. 💬❤️

09/25/2024

This step is so crucial because it challenges you to rise above your natural defensive reactions. 🙌 It’s all about setting aside your assumptions and really allowing space for understanding your spouse. Remember, the stories we tell ourselves about what our spouse meant or will say can create unnecessary barriers. The truth is, our assumptions may not always be accurate, and we rob our spouse of the chance to clarify or prove us wrong.

Instead of mind-reading or jumping to conclusions, try this: when your spouse says something, resist the urge to filter it through your beliefs or past experiences. Pause, listen carefully, and reflect back what you heard to check if you understood them correctly. Ask, “Did I get that right?” or “Is this what you meant?” This simple act of mirroring their words builds trust and helps eliminate misunderstandings.

Communication isn't about winning or being "right." It’s about connecting, and that connection grows when both partners feel truly heard. 🗣❤️ By giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt, you create a safe space for open dialogue and deeper intimacy.

09/23/2024

Think about what you want as the outcome of your conversation. Maybe you want to be agreeable and solution-focused, leading to a result that you can feel good about manifesting. Acting assertively towards solving the problem is much more likely to bring about the outcome you desire for yourself, and the relationship involved. Are you handling your spouse’s heart the way the lord would? Am I showing up as the man/woman God intended me to be? How and I treating myself much less my spouse when I am reacting.

09/20/2024

Recognizing and validating your emotions is a powerful first step toward healing, but it doesn't mean you have to act on every feeling. Remember, while emotions may arise instantly and uncontrollably, your behavior is always a choice. You hold the power to decide how to respond.

We are 100% responsible for our actions, reactions, feelings, beliefs, and choices! And the beauty of this responsibility is that it gives us the freedom to change. Just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean it's a fact. Feelings can be fleeting and influenced by various factors, but your ability to choose differently remains steady.

Next time you feel overwhelmed, pause. Reflect on your emotions, but know you don’t have to follow them down the same path. You have the power to take a new route for a better outcome. ✨

09/18/2024

Recognize what you’re feeling at that moment. Is it feelings of shame? Inadequacy? Guilt? Maybe it’s a disappointment in yourself or a sadness. Once you label it for yourself, you can know if it is a valid response and whether you want to feel it or not. Call another person a guy or lady have them help you see that what you are going through is real for you.

09/16/2024

Becoming more aware of what you are currently feeling and doing is a first step toward changing your defensiveness. Try to notice what happens, at the moment, someone comes to you with a complaint or a problem. This step is somewhat easier to do in situations that are not intensely emotional, as opposed to the most triggering cases for you. Start to increase your self-awareness of defensiveness in the least threatening circumstances and build that awareness in more complex situations.

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