03/24/2026
I think at events, with the costumes, outfits, makeup, networking, perceptions of beauty standards, personality standards, it’s sometimes easy in the chaos and expectations of it all to get to us.
I’m a very weird girl.
Being the weird girl who’s damaged and crazy rarely feels as cool as movies and TV make it seem. In fact, the manic pixie dream girl isn’t always having as much fun as you are observing them, and we certainly don’t feel as sexy and poised as our media surrogates. Sure, having characters like Harley, Jinx, and so many others bring the topic of mental illness to the pop culture table in some way or another is great, and it’s lovely and often empowering to have them, but by default they exist as mythic avatars always ready for an action shot or splash page. We often end up feeling lonely for not being the manic avatars we’re expected to be.
This photo of me was taken this year at .
My hair was a hot mess, makeup rushed, outfit missing pieces. In the words of , a real “f**ker-o” of a presentation.
I fu***ng dreaded taking this photo.
The expectations man, all the pretty people, the camera ready personalities, they can really take a toll on the sparkle of one’s crazy, it certainly had mine that day.
But my sibling, my best friend, and forever Nooch snapped this photo. And seeing it now, unrefined, not up to my self perceived s***f, I quite like it. It’s far more of a”f**keroo” than a “f**ker o”. you know what I mean.
My point being, some people, like or .boulas can always bring out that part of me, that chaotic sparkle, because they don’t expect it, because they love me both with and without it. They can take this moment, one I was certain lacked any beauty, and turn into one of immense beauty.
The people that can capture your beauty, and I don’t mean refinement, I mean REAL fu***ng beauty are the ones that will get you through the best and worst days in the industry, and by god you’ll do the same for them because they’re more rare and beautiful than any manic pixie dream girl ever could be.
