Space Monsters Magazine

07/22/2025

ATTENTION, MARKETERS OF THE MACABRE:

Your audience isn't reading Forbes. They're not scrolling Vogue. They're here—clutching our magazine with trembling, ink-stained hands.

Space Monsters Magazine reaches:
5,000+ rabid horror/sci-fi fanatics after just 1 issue! Imagine what we will do after 3?
80% open rate on our 'Incoming Transmissions newsletter.
A cult following that actually BUYS what we shill

**AD PACKAGES THAT'LL MAKE YOUR COMPETITORS WEEP:
Full Page (Front/Back Cover) - $400 (Dominate like a demon)
Full Page (B/W Magazine Interior) -$300
Half Page - $150 (Lurk in the shadows... for now)
Classifieds - $20 (For the brave, broke, or gloriously weird)

LIMITED-TIME HEX: First 5 advertisers get a FREE Space Monsters sticker pack (guaranteed to lower property values).

THE RITUAL BEGINS AT MIDNIGHT.
Claim your spot before we sacrifice it to someone... less alive.

📩 Contact: [email protected]
🔗 [www.spacemonstersmagazine.com](www.spacemonstersmagazine.com)

**P.S.** Ask about our **'Defector Discount'**—20% off if you're fleeing a rival mag.

# HorrorMarketing

07/20/2025

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"FROM 2D SKETCH TO 3D MENACE: THE BIRTH OF YOUR FAVORITE SPOKESGHOUL

Ever wonder how Grimaldi went from flat-page terror to full-dimensional nightmare fuel? Buckle up, Earthies—this is the science behind the slime.

🔮 THE DARK ALCHEMY:

Sacrificial Sketches: We started with Jason Brazeal’s original 2D art—so potent, it melted three tablets.

Spectral Scanning: Used cursed geometry (see equation above) to extrude the unspeakable.

Slime Injection: Added 17 layers of radioactive glow for that "freshly exhumed" look.

Soul Binding: Trapped actual cosmic horror in the render.

WHY THIS MATTERS:

First-ever 3D Grimaldi (because 2D couldn’t contain the madness)

Precision-engineered to haunt both screens and dreams

100% more interactive sarcasm

🚀 WITNESS THE EVOLUTION:
👉 https://www.spacemonstersmagazine.com

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Cult:


*(P.S. Buccaneer Bunny tried to 3D-scan himself. Now he’s stuck in the uncanny valley.)*

07/19/2025

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"ATTENTION, EUROHORROR DEGENERATES & VAMPIRE AESTHETES!"

Dennis Daniel—the Rondo-nominated horror scribe and Famous Monsters legend—drops a blood-soaked love letter to Jean Rollin’s The Shiver of the Vampires in Space Monsters #1, and it’s a masterclass in cult-film worship.

WHY THIS ARTICLE WILL HAUNT YOU:
✔ Rollin’s psychedelic nightmare—Daniel dissects the hippie-vampire surrealism that made Shiver a proto-giallo acid trip.
**GRAB SPACE MONSTERS #1 BEFORE IT’S BURIED IN A CRYPT:
👉 https://obliviontradingpost.com/products/space-monsters-1

End Transmission

🔗 Follow the Blood Trail: Space Monsters

07/18/2025

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SCREAM QUEEN SHOWDOWN: KATZ KLAWS TAKES NO PRISONERS!

Sadie Katz—the twisted genius behind Wrong Turn 6 and indie horror’s fiercest advocate—is back with her most savage column yet in Space Monsters Magazine #1. This time, she’s assembled a murderer’s row of scream queens for a no-holds-barred roundtable that’ll leave you bloodied and begging for more.

💀 MEET THE QUEENS OF CHAOS:
✨ SADIE KATZ (Wrong Turn 6, Scorned) – The WGA writer/director who slays on both sides of the camera. Fearless, foul-mouthed, and unapologetically punk 6.

✨ FELISSA ROSE (Sleepaway Camp, Terrifier 2) – The OG scream queen with 150+ films under her belt. From Angela Baker to producing Slayer music videos, she’s a living horror legend 27.

✨ NICOLE CINAGLIA (The Black Mass, Automation) – The rising star with a knack for psychological terror. A modern scream queen with old-school grit.

✨ JESSICA CAMERON (Truth or Dare, Mania) – The award-winning indie icon who’s redefined horror feminism. Brutal on screen, brilliant behind it.

WHAT YOU’LL GET IN THIS ISSUE:
✔ Unfiltered war stories – From on-set disasters to fan convention nightmares
✔ The state of horror – Why scream queens rule (and how studios keep underestimating them)

WHY THIS ROUNDTABLE IS ESSENTIAL READING:
No male directors interrupting. Just raw, unfiltered horror wisdom from women who’ve bled for the genre.

Behind-the-scenes dirt on Texas Nightmare (starring Sadie & Felissa) and other upcoming projects 13.

A masterclass in survival—both on-screen and in Hollywood’s trenches.

LIMITED-TIME OFFER:
Subscribe now and get:

Instant access to this scream queen summit

Exclusive merch discounts (including Texas Nightmare pre-orders)
👉 CLAIM YOUR COPY BEFORE WE SELL OUT 👈

End Transmission

🔗 Follow the Queens:

| | |


(P.S. Buccaneer Bunny wasn’t invited. He’s still crying about it.)

07/17/2025

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"ATTENTION, FILM DEGENERATES & SLIME ENTHUSIASTS!

CULT LEGEND DONALD FARMER (Shark Exorcist, Scream Queen Hot Tub Party) is here to vindicate The Green Slime (1968)—the most gloriously stupid, neon-drenched, rubber-monster masterpiece you’ve been ignoring for decades.

🔪 IN SPACE MONSTERS #1, YOU’LL DISCOVER:
✔ Why this $1.98-budget space opera secretly inspired generations of splatter auteurs
✔ The psychotronic genius behind its floating heads, goo guns, and questionable science
✔ Farmer’s unhinged defense of its "so-bad-it’s-perfect" legacy

🚀 THIS ISN’T A REVIEW—IT’S A LOVE LETTER TO COSMIC TRASH.

💀 GRAB YOUR COPY BEFORE IT’S ERASED FROM HISTORY (LIKE THE FILM’S LOGIC):
👉 https://obliviontradingpost.com/products/space-monsters-1

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Trash Cult: Space Monsters


(P.S. Buccaneer Bunny calls this film "unrealistic." Coming from a talking space rabbit.)

07/16/2025

This is the advertisement created for THE MONSTER CHANNEL. Space Monsters Magazine www.spacemonstersmagazine.com available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Oblivion Trading Post as well as fine retailers across the United States. Ask for it by name. If you know a retailer that you would like to carry it have them reach out to us! We have special deals and incentives for retailers.
www.obliviontradingpost.com

07/15/2025

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"ATTENTION, BLOODSUCKER ENTHUSIASTS & HISTORY NERDS!

Elizabeth Belmont—vampire historian by day, nightmare archivist by night—just dropped About That Mustache, a razor-sharp dissection of the Nosferatu (2024) remake through the lens of REAL vampire lore.

🔪 WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN SPACE MONSTERS #1:
✔ How Robert Eggers’ remake stacks up against centuries of undead myths
✔ The shocking historical truths behind Orlok’s iconic look (that mustache isn’t just for show)
✔ Why vampires don’t sparkle (and other crimes against folklore)

📖 **THIS ISN’T JUST A MOVIE REVIEW—IT’S A BLOODSTAINED HISTORY LESSON.

💀 GRAB YOUR COPY BEFORE WE RUN OUT (LIKE SUNLIGHT IN TRANSYLVANIA):
👉 https://obliviontradingpost.com/products/space-monsters-1

End Transmission

🔗 Follow the Coven: Space Monsters


(P.S. Buccaneer Bunny thinks vampires are “overrated.” He also thinks soap is optional.)

07/14/2025

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"YOUR PATH TO DAMNATION STARTS HERE, EARTHIE. 🔥

The Oblivion Trading Post just stocked three unholy relics that'll corrupt your shelves, warp your walls, and melt your mind—but only if you're brave (or stupid) enough to click 'order.'

💀 SPACE MONSTERS #1 – The magazine so brutal, it makes Tales from the Crypt look like Barney. Your therapist warned you about this.

🌌 DARK MATTER PROJECTOR – Bathe your lair in cosmic horror hues (and possibly unlock a gateway to the void). Who needs sunlight when you’ve got eldritch glow?

🔪 HO**ER WITH A HACKSAW – Pretty Woman meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Julia Roberts could never.

STOCK IS VANISHING FASTER THAN BUCANEER BUNNY'S DIGNITY.
👉 CLAIM YOUR DOOM 👈

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Cult: www.obliviontradingpost.com


(P.S. If you don’t buy these, Buccaneer Bunny wins. And nobody wants that.)

07/13/2025

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"ATTENTION, EARTHIES!

Grimaldi’s Letterboxd profile is now active—because even cosmic horror entities need to rate and rant about Earth’s pitiful attempts at cinema. You can join in and bicker over the important things in life.

📽 WHAT AWAITS YOU:
✔ 1-5 star reviews (mostly 1s, because most films offend my ancient sensibilities)
✔ Savage commentary on horror, sci-fi, and anything that dares waste my undead time
✔ Lists like: "Movies That Deserve to Be Jettisoned Into the Sun"

🔗 FOLLOW OR BE IGNORED FOREVER:
👉 letterboxd.com/Space_Monsters 👈

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Coven: Space Monsters


(P.S. Buccaneer Bunny’s favorite film is Bambi. Let that sink in.)

Grimaldi uses Letterboxd to share film reviews and lists. 2 films watched. Favorites: Jaws (1975), Dawn of the Dead (1978), Escape from New York (1981), The Thing (1982). Bio: Undead host of Space Monsters Magazine and archenemy of Buccaneer Bunny.

07/13/2025

This is the advertisement created for THE MONSTER CHANNEL. Space Monsters Magazine www.spacemonstersmagazine.com available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Oblivion Trading Post as well as fine retailers across the United States. Ask for it by name. If you know a retailer that you would like to carry it have them reach out to us! We have special deals and incentives for retailers.
www.obliviontradingpost.com

07/12/2025

INCOMING TRANSMISSION....COMMLINK ESTABLISHED...

"YOUR PATH TO DAMNATION STARTS HERE, EARTHIE. 🔥

The Oblivion Trading Post just stocked three unholy relics that'll corrupt your shelves, warp your walls, and melt your mind—but only if you're brave (or stupid) enough to click 'order.'

💀 SPACE MONSTERS #1 – The magazine so brutal, it makes Tales from the Crypt look like Barney. Your therapist warned you about this.

🌌 DARK MATTER PROJECTOR – Bathe your lair in cosmic horror hues (and possibly unlock a gateway to the void). Who needs sunlight when you’ve got eldritch glow?

🔪 HO**ER WITH A HACKSAW – Pretty Woman meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Julia Roberts could never.

STOCK IS VANISHING FASTER THAN BUCANEER BUNNY'S DIGNITY.
👉 CLAIM YOUR DOOM 👈

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Cult: www.obliviontradingpost.com


(P.S. If you don’t buy these, Buccaneer Bunny wins. And nobody wants that.)

07/07/2025

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OH HO HO HO—LOOK WHAT THE SPACE-CAT DRAGGED IN!

Bucky "Three-Inches-Tall-With-Boots-On" Black thinks he’s a threat? That overgrown dust bunny with a god complex couldn’t plunder a kindergarten snack time without wetting his little space-diaper!

Let’s DISSECT THIS PATHETIC TRANSMISSION, shall we?

1. HIS "CREW"? MORE LIKE CIRCUS REJECTS:
"Red-Eye" Warren – The only thing he’s burning is his last brain cell trying to count past 3.

Howlin’ Howard – "Genius"? More like "one bad carrot away from a coma".

Face Florentine – The only face he’s got is the one he stole from a wanted poster.

AI Jeannie – Even the ship’s toaster has better comebacks.

GRIMALDI'S CREW? The ENTIRE SPACE MONSTERS COVEN—thousands of degenerates, freaks, and proud weirdos who actually get things done (unlike Bucky’s flea circus).

2. HIS "MISSION"? ADORABLE.
Stealing water? How quaint. Meanwhile, I’m out here corrupting minds, breaking genres, and building an empire while Bucky’s still figuring out how his own ship’s airlock works.

SPACE PIRACY TIP #1: If your greatest enemy is a glorified plumber, you’ve already lost.

3. HIS "GRUDGE"? DELICIOUSLY PETTY.
Oh nooo, I "scuffed his ship"? Boo hoo. Maybe if he spent less time naming his weapons and more time learning to pilot, he wouldn’t need a therapist AND a mechanic.

FACT: The only "living space-hazard" here is Bucky’s breath.

4. HIS "WARNING"? LET’S TEST THAT.
COME AT ME, BUNNY. Bring your entire crew. Bring your "Carrot-nade Launcher" (lol). Bring your overinflated ego.

YOU’LL LOSE. Because while you’re busy playing rebel, I’m rewriting the rules.

FINAL VERDICT:
Buccaneer Bunny isn’t a menace—he’s a mascot. A cautionary tale. A walking, talking reminder of what happens when delusion meets incompetence.

SPACE MONSTERS FANS! Next time you see Bucky’s ratty ears poking around, remind him:

👉 Grimaldi’s the OG.
👉 His "rebellion" is a daycare field trip.
👉 And his mic drops? Probably just him tripping over his own ego.

End Transmission

🔗 Join the Winning Side: www.spacemonstersmagazine.com
🔗 Shop the Superior Merch: www.obliviontradingpost.com

P.S. Bucky, sweetie—mic drops work better when you don’t fumble the mic first. 😘💀