09/05/2026
& Swore his dad was a fighter pilot 😭
Every elementary school had this kid.
Nobody knew where he learned karate, but according to him, he’d been training since he was 3 and knew at least seven ways to knock you unconscious.
He came to school in a cat shirt, two different socks, Walmart Velcros and a bike helmet because apparently you never knew when s**t was gonna go down during silent reading.
Recess was his patrol shift. While everyone else played four square, he was doing combat rolls through the mulch and warning people not to sneak up on him because his “reflexes will take over.”
Every move he demonstrated ended terribly, but there was ALWAYS an explanation.
“The ground’s uneven.”
“These aren’t my combat shoes.”
“I wasn’t using full power.”
And if you questioned his abilities?
“Okay… I didn’t wanna have to use this.”
Pulls ONE giant Hulk hand out of his backpack. 😭
Nobody ever saw him successfully complete a single move.
But we were all VERY lucky he chose to use his powers for good. 😂
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