Wayne County Wire

Wayne County Wire Your #1 Fake News and Meme Source in Wayne County, Michigan

08/03/2025

I’m looking at you, Livonia

The Detroit People Mover is getting a new name for 2025: the Person Mover. The city’s elevated rail system will official...
08/01/2025

The Detroit People Mover is getting a new name for 2025: the Person Mover. The city’s elevated rail system will officially adopt the updated title this fall in an effort to better reflect actual usage.

“We looked at the numbers, we looked at the platforms, and most of the time, it’s one person in there just vibing,” said Detroit Transportation Committee spokesperson Buster Cherry. “So we decided to stop pretending.”

The name change comes during a year in which the system remains free to ride, thanks to continued sponsorship from Priority Waste. While ridership did top 1 million last year for the first time since 2019, the average daily count hovers around 3,900—well below the system’s intended capacity.

City officials say the new name is part of a larger effort to rebrand the system for modern Detroit. “It’s still a convenient, clean, and safe loop around downtown,” said Cherry. “But we’re not going to call it the People Mover if it’s mostly just Carl from HR doing laps on his lunch break.”

As part of the shift, the DTC is rolling out a series of solo-friendly promotions, including:

“Ride Alone, Win a Scone” Tuesdays, where single riders can win baked goods for spotting zero fellow passengers

The Loop Tracker App, letting users count how many circuits they complete without eye contact

Station Soundscapes, adding gentle lo-fi beats and occasional motivational quotes for that one rider waiting at Financial District

Regular rider Mike Hunt, who’s been using the Mover since 1993, said the change felt long overdue. “It’s nice they finally admitted I’m the only one here,” he said. “Now if they could let me DJ.”

New signage with the “Person Mover” name will begin appearing in stations this September, along with a revised logo featuring a stick figure waving quietly from an empty train car.

Despite the humor, Cherry says the rebrand is meant to draw attention—not shame. “It’s Detroit. We know how to laugh at ourselves,” he said. “But also, you should ride it. It’s free. It loops. It moves. Even if it’s just you.”

A family of five from Toledo is speaking out after spending an entire weekend wandering Dearborn looking for “Camp Dearb...
07/30/2025

A family of five from Toledo is speaking out after spending an entire weekend wandering Dearborn looking for “Camp Dearborn,” a summer getaway that, it turns out, isn’t even in Dearborn.

“We packed up the van, drove for hours, took multiple pit stops, and pulled into the city expecting tents and s’mores,” said Holden Hiscock, 42, standing near the Dearborn Historical Museum. “Instead we found a Buddy’s Pizza and three ho**ah lounges.”

Holden and his wife Sharon promised their kids a wholesome weekend of swimming and crafts, but ended up doing laps around the Ford Rouge Factory Tour before checking into a nearby hotel.

“I kept asking people where Camp Dearborn was,” Sharon said. “One guy told me it was ‘in our hearts.’ Another said it was near Milford, which I thought was slang for West Dearborn.”

Camp Dearborn is a 626-acre campground owned by the City of Dearborn, but it’s actually located 32 miles away in Milford. The city says this isn’t misleading.

“The City of Dearborn has owned and operated Camp Dearborn since 1948,” said city spokesperson Jen Italia. “It has always been located in Milford, and that information is available on all official materials and the website.”

The Hiscock kids were less than impressed.

“We walked around a cemetery for two hours because Dad thought it was a nature trail,” said their 11-year-old, who brought his fishing gear and used it to catch debris from the Rouge River. “This is why I don’t trust geography.”

Some local businesses are capitalizing on the confusion. One pop-up, “Camp Dearborn: City Edition,” offers roasted marshmallows on naan and a makeshift zipline between the clock tower and a Tim Hortons.

The city has released a statement encouraging visitors to “read the fine print” and “maybe call first.”

As for the Hiscocks?

“We’ll try Greenfield Village tomorrow,” Holden said. “Unless that’s in Milford too.”

After nearly four inches of rain fell across metro Detroit Monday, local officials are jokingly—but not entirely jokingl...
07/29/2025

After nearly four inches of rain fell across metro Detroit Monday, local officials are jokingly—but not entirely jokingly—exploring whether the region now qualifies as a federally protected wetland.

“If the I-94 median starts supporting aquatic life, we’re required to notify someone,” said Jenn Nittles, deputy director of Wayne County Emergency Management. “We had ducks swimming near a Speedway. That feels… new.”

Major roadways like Dingell Drive in Romulus flooded so severely that the fire department had to rescue multiple drivers. Phil McCracken, 29, of Flat Rock, was pulled from his stalled vehicle after water reached the windows.

“I thought it was just a deep puddle,” said McCracken. “Then a squirrel floated by on a Styrofoam Big Mac container.”

The storm knocked out power to over 9,000 residents, leaving areas of Wayne and Macomb Counties in the dark. Hugh Jass of Livonia said his home lost power for eight hours. “The lights flickered, then the whole house smelled like wet cardboard and rage.”

DTE and Consumers Energy have been working to restore service, but both acknowledge overwhelmed infrastructure. Meanwhile, Macomb County Drain Commissioner Holden Hiscock said the system simply can’t keep up.

“We’ve got 50-year-old storm drains trying to handle 2025 weather,” Hiscock said. “Also, stop putting Chipotle bowls in the sewer.”

In Dearborn Heights, city representative Connie Linguist issued a temporary ban on pool floats in the street after teens were seen tubing down Van Born.

“We get it,” she said. “But please stop launching kayaks from your driveway.”

Despite it all, residents stayed upbeat. “This is just Michigan summer,” said Jack Mehoff of Taylor. “You grill when it’s dry, and float when it’s not.”

With temperatures soaring into the upper 90s and a heat index peaking near 105, thousands across metro Detroit are deali...
07/24/2025

With temperatures soaring into the upper 90s and a heat index peaking near 105, thousands across metro Detroit are dealing with a quiet but widespread summer struggle: swamp ass.

“It’s like someone duct taped a crockpot to my lower back,” said Allen Park resident Mike Rotch, who admitted to bringing a beach towel to work for his car seat.

Local pharmacies in Wayne, Oakland, and Macomb counties are seeing an uptick in sales of powder, cooling wipes, and anything labeled “moisture-wicking.” A CVS in Warren confirmed that their baby powder aisle was cleared out by 10 a.m. Thursday. “People were panic-buying like it was toilet paper during the pandemic,” said shift lead Jenny Tailia.

While not considered a medical emergency, excessive sweating in the lower regions has become one of the top complaints on social media, with Metro Detroiters sharing swamp survival tips like sitting on frozen water bottles, lining their shorts with fast food napkins, or working from the freezer section at Meijer.

Some offices are adjusting to the conditions. “We told staff they can wear athletic gear and bring a change of clothes,” said HR manager Lou Bricant from a Livonia engineering firm. “We also started offering dry shampoo and electrolyte packets in the breakroom. It’s getting serious.”

Doctors recommend staying cool, hydrated, and wearing loose, breathable fabrics. Fans, ice packs, and breathable mesh chairs are also popular options.

Relief could come by the weekend with slightly cooler temps, but for now, southeast Michigan remains in the grip of a highly personal heat crisis.

“It’s not the heat,” said Rotch. “It’s the humidity. And my butt.”

As the Belle Isle Giant Slide continues for another summer season, a local chiropractor is stepping up to help riders re...
07/23/2025

As the Belle Isle Giant Slide continues for another summer season, a local chiropractor is stepping up to help riders recover. Dr. Lou Bricant, who owns Spinal Tap Chiropractic near downtown Detroit, is offering a free adjustment to any adult who can prove they rode the 40-foot metal slide.

“I’ve already had a few patients come in after riding it,” said Bricant. “Some of them were laughing about it. Others looked like they got rear-ended by a city bus.”

The Belle Isle Giant Slide has been around since the 1960s and became a national talking point in 2022 when videos surfaced of riders bouncing wildly down its surface. While the city has made updates to reduce speed by waxing the slide and adding water to increase friction, the ride still packs a punch, especially for adults.

“The slide isn’t unsafe, but it’s not exactly gentle,” Bricant said. “If you’re over 30, it might be the fastest way to remember how your spine used to feel.”

To qualify for a free adjustment, riders need to show video or photo proof of their ride or bring along someone who saw them go down. Bricant says he’s offering the deal through Labor Day or until his waiting room gets too full.

“I’m not trying to discourage anyone,” he said. “But it’s a tall metal slide with six bumps. You feel every single one of them.”

Ava Gyna, 38, rode the slide with her niece over the weekend and said she needed Advil and a heating pad by the time she got home.

“I was trying to be the fun aunt. Now I’m icing my lower back like I just shoveled a driveway in January,” she said.

The slide costs one dollar per ride and is open Wednesdays through Sundays. Staff remind riders to lean forward, hold on to the sack handles, and keep their feet down. Dr. Bricant reminds them to call his office if they forget.

It’s been 11 years since Comerica Park lost the one man who made $9 hot dogs feel like art. The Singing Hot Dog Man was ...
07/21/2025

It’s been 11 years since Comerica Park lost the one man who made $9 hot dogs feel like art. The Singing Hot Dog Man was fired in 2013 for daring to deliver joy with his footlongs.

He didn’t just shout “hot dogs” like the rest. He sang it. Operatic, soulful, sometimes a little off-key, but always from the heart. People didn’t even need to be hungry. They just bought the hot dog to honor the moment.

“I didn’t even like baseball,” said longtime fan Clint Ta**us. “I came for him.”

Now, Comerica Park is quiet. The dogs still come, but without the music, without the magic. There are entire sections of Gen Z fans who have never known a world where you could order lunch and feel alive at the same time.

“Sometimes I tell my nephew about him,” said one emotional fan, Dan Gleeballs. “He thinks I made it up. He said, ‘Why would a guy sing about hot dogs?’ And I just… I didn’t have an answer.”

A new petition is gaining traction. It doesn’t ask for much. Just for the Tigers to bring him back, or at least honor him with a moment of song before the seventh-inning stretch.

“He gave us something no mascot or jumbotron ever could,” said Holden Magroin, who started the petition. “He gave us vibes.”

For now, fans are left to remember the voice echoing down Section 134, harmonizing with the smell of grilled onions. You could be down five runs, but when he sang, everything felt like a win.

And in a city that knows loss, his absence still stings.

Detroit has launched a new “Flush Forecast” app to help people plan their visits to the new high-tech porta-potties down...
07/20/2025

Detroit has launched a new “Flush Forecast” app to help people plan their visits to the new high-tech porta-potties downtown, known as Thrones. The app gives real-time updates on availability, cleanliness, and how bad it smells inside.

“It’s about modernizing the public restroom experience,” said city spokesperson Amanda Lick. “Now you can check your phone to see if the toilet near Campus Martius is free, full, or just emotionally overwhelmed.”

Each toilet is monitored using sensors that track motion, temperature, humidity, and general despair. The app includes a color-coded scale from “Fresh and Ready” to “Abandon Hope.”

You can get notifications when a unit is available, see live cleanliness ratings based on city reports, and view average wait times. There’s even a smell rating powered by user feedback.

The review section has already become a favorite among locals. Some recent posts include:

“Great place to cry in peace.”

“Smelled like wet hot dog water but the seat was warm.”

“Not bad. Would p**p here again.”

Not everyone is impressed. One downtown worker asked, “Why do I need an app to take a leak? Just give me a key and some toilet paper.”

City officials say this is just the beginning. An upcoming update will include a “Plan Your P**p Route” feature that connects with Google Maps and offers detour suggestions based on recent chili dog intake.

Officials are also reminding residents that visits are limited to 10 minutes and the Thrones are not intended for podcasting, napping, or phone calls that involve crying about your ex.

After months of complaints from pedestrians and waterfront visitors, Detroit officials have announced a proposal to add ...
07/18/2025

After months of complaints from pedestrians and waterfront visitors, Detroit officials have announced a proposal to add a designated electric scooter lane to the RiverWalk in an effort to reduce collisions, confusion, and casual verbal assaults.

The new lane would be marked with painted lines and scooter symbols, running along key stretches of the RiverWalk where foot traffic often collides with fast-moving riders using shared scooters from companies like Lime. The goal is to create some structure along one of the city’s busiest recreational paths, which has become a battleground for strollers, cyclists, joggers, and unsupervised teens doing 15 mph with no brakes and zero fear.

“We’ve received growing feedback about near-misses and safety concerns,” said city spokesperson Anita Fuch. “We’re hoping the visual separation will encourage scooter users to ride more predictably and give pedestrians some breathing room.”

The proposal comes after a weekend that saw dozens of complaints, including one jogger who claimed she was nearly “clotheslined by a guy va**ng on a Lime” and a local dad who described the RiverWalk as “one long Mario Kart track.”

Electric scooter companies have expressed support for the idea. “Safety and shared access are top priorities,” said a representative Anya Neeze, while carefully fishing a scooter out of the Detroit River near Milliken State Park.

Some residents remain unconvinced. “Unless that white line comes with traffic lights and a full-time referee, I’m not sure it’s going to do much,” said Betty Bangzer, who walks the RiverWalk daily. “People treat those scooters like bumper cars.”

The city is still finalizing the layout and timeline but hopes to roll out the scooter lane pilot by next spring. In the meantime, officials are reminding riders to yield to pedestrians, follow posted speed limits, and ideally not launch themselves into flower beds.

What began as a simple trip for kielbasa turned into an unexpected cultural awakening Thursday when 84-year-old Grosse P...
07/17/2025

What began as a simple trip for kielbasa turned into an unexpected cultural awakening Thursday when 84-year-old Grosse Pointe resident Lou Sass walked into a Yemeni coffee shop, mistakenly believing it was the local Polish deli he’s been visiting since 1983.

“I parked near the bakery, smelled something good, and figured I was close,” Lou said, holding an expired coupon for stuffed cabbage. “But they handed me a tiny cup of hot spiced something and nobody said ‘dzień dobry.’ That’s when I got suspicious.”

Instead of smoked sausage and horseradish, Lou was greeted by baristas Suq Madiq and Farrah Moan, who offered him ginger-spiced coffee and honey-soaked pastries.

“He asked where the sausage counter was,” said Suq. “When we said we didn’t have one, he looked around and said, ‘Well, I guess I’ll sit down anyway.’”

Lou spent over an hour sipping coffee, chatting with strangers, and telling anyone who would listen about his bowling league and his gallbladder removal in 1996. He asked if the Arabic script on the wall “translated to kielbasa” and complimented the tile work four separate times.

“He was delightful,” said Farrah. “Like a slightly lost grandpa who runs on espresso and unsolicited advice.”

Eventually, a college student pointed Lou in the direction of the actual Polish store, where he successfully acquired six links of sausage, a pack of pierogi, and a jar of mustard “for emergencies.” On the way out of town, he also picked up a box of paczki and invited the bakery staff to his church fish fry.

As of press time, Lou had made plans to return to the coffee shop next week, claiming the ginger-spiced drink “woke up parts of me the war put to sleep.”

A court-ordered removal of protective bollards has sent the picturesque downtown of Northville spiraling into chaos as r...
07/16/2025

A court-ordered removal of protective bollards has sent the picturesque downtown of Northville spiraling into chaos as residents now face a long-dormant menace: the art of parallel parking.

For the past four years, two of the city’s downtown streets had been closed to traffic, replaced by pedestrian plazas, fire pits, and decorative string lights that gave the town major “Hallmark Movie Vibes.” But after a recent court decision ruled the street closures illegal, Northville was forced to yank up the beloved bollards—triggering an existential crisis.

“I haven’t parallel parked since 2019,” said longtime resident Jenny Tayla, while nervously circling her Subaru Outback around a single open spot in front of My Little Paris Café & Bookstore. “I used to be good at it, but then I got used to sipping sangria in the street and forgot everything.”

Police have reported at least 18 minor fender-benders, 12 tire-on-curb incidents, and one high-stakes game of chicken between two Lexus SUVs trying to reverse into the same spot.

The city has set up a temporary “Re-Park Recovery Zone” at the high school football field, where traumatized residents can practice parallel parking between orange cones and inflatable replicas of artisanal patio tables. Local driving instructors are also being deployed downtown wearing neon vests reading “Parking Sherpa.”

Meanwhile, several pedestrians were seen wandering aimlessly, confused by the return of moving vehicles. “I was just trying to cross Main Street to get to Starbucks and a Jeep waved me through. I panicked and ran into the fountain,” said Martha Fokker, who admits she now prefers the chaos of Ferndale’s bike lanes.

In an effort to ease the transition, Northville’s city council has installed signage reading:
“Warning: You Are Now Entering a Functional Roadway. Proceed With Skill.”

A follow-up motion to replace bollards with emotional speed bumps is still under review.

Address

Detroit, MI

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Wayne County Wire posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The Business

Send a message to Wayne County Wire:

Shortcuts

Share

Category