04/01/2026
BREAKING: The Cape Cod Canal proudly unveiled its newest marvel of modern engineering open to traffic THIS MORNING!
Dubbed “The Bridge Before the Bridge,” this state-of-the-art structure will serve drivers, cyclists, and pedestrians during the construction of the actual new bridge set to begin in 2027 (give or take a few years).
Key features include:
• A fully operational drawbridge that opens precisely when you’re already late for a meeting
• Scenic views of traffic stretching majestically into the horizon
• Occasional existential reflection as you wonder how you got here
• The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers will still do improvements on this temporary bridge once a year - causing traffic delays
Officials assure the public that this bridge is only temporary, much like their original timeline estimates.
Locals are encouraged to celebrate opening week by crossing it at least once, if they can, and sharing stories with future generations about “the time we had a bridge for the bridge.”
Next up: plans for a temporary temporary bridge, just in case this one doesn’t work out.
