12/24/2020
It was killing me and I’ll never hide that hard again
Let's talk about masking.
In short, masking is camoflauguing our autistic traits, creating a persona closer to that of neurotypicals or more acceptable to that of neurotypicals, in order to survive in a world not made for us. Some examples of this are performing extroversion, suppressing noticable stims, thinking about the minutae of each interaction, overemphasizing tonal inflection,adopting ways to hold our bodies that cause us discomfort, not using adaptive technology like noise cancelling headphones or sunglasses, and more.
My mask looks like this in a casual converation:
Smile. Run intro scripts. Look in their eyes. Don't flap. Don't spin. Don't rock. Use tonal inflections. No, thats too much tonal inflection. Smile. Don't look towards the sound. Direct the conversation towards them. Keep your hands by your sides. What does that facial expressions mean--no, you can't ask that! Look at their eyes. Don't flap. Keep personal anecdotes to a minimum. Ad infinitum.
It is exhausting. I come out of social interactions drained and needing to recover for days afterwards. So much of my cognitive bandwith is used up when I mask that I don't have the mental energy to do much else.
So why do we it?
Whether we were taught to mask in ABA, by parents and caregivers who didn't accept our authentic Autistic selves, or a lifetime of exclusion and social ostracization for our Autistic traits did, the world created this need for us to do so. Neuromajorities percieve difference as a threat, as something to be eradicated. It's not an active choice, it is a defense mechanism and a survival strategy. Especially for Autistic professionals who need to conform to corporate or institutionalized environments.
It isn't deception, it's surviving in a world that doesn't accept Autists as we are, that routinely excludes us at every turn while on the surface calling for our acceptance and inclusion.
The problem is, it causes depression. It leads to burnout. It can make us unsure of where the mask ends and we begin. It causes us to believe that our unique and fundamental modalities of being are wrong, and that we will never be accepted as we truly are. Maskinf can be a trauma reaponse, but it also causes more trauma.
Su***de is the number one cause of death for Autists. Research on Autistic suicidality can be found here: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-020-04393-8. There's not enough research on the link between masking and suicidality, but some that does exist can be found here: https://molecularautism.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13229-018-0226-4. The lasting negative psychological impact of therapies that enforce masking in order to normalize us can be read about here: https://muse.jhu.edu/article/753840/pdf?
Unmasking is not just imperative to Autistic authenticity, it is imperative to Autistic survival. I implore parents of Autistic youth to allow them to be their authentic selves. I implore adult Autists to drop the mask. Our psychological wellbeing and very life depend on it.
