The Uncovering: Adult Autism

12/24/2020

It was killing me and I’ll never hide that hard again

Let's talk about masking.

In short, masking is camoflauguing our autistic traits, creating a persona closer to that of neurotypicals or more acceptable to that of neurotypicals, in order to survive in a world not made for us. Some examples of this are performing extroversion, suppressing noticable stims, thinking about the minutae of each interaction, overemphasizing tonal inflection,adopting ways to hold our bodies that cause us discomfort, not using adaptive technology like noise cancelling headphones or sunglasses, and more.

My mask looks like this in a casual converation:
Smile. Run intro scripts. Look in their eyes. Don't flap. Don't spin. Don't rock. Use tonal inflections. No, thats too much tonal inflection. Smile. Don't look towards the sound. Direct the conversation towards them. Keep your hands by your sides. What does that facial expressions mean--no, you can't ask that! Look at their eyes. Don't flap. Keep personal anecdotes to a minimum. Ad infinitum.

It is exhausting. I come out of social interactions drained and needing to recover for days afterwards. So much of my cognitive bandwith is used up when I mask that I don't have the mental energy to do much else.

So why do we it?

Whether we were taught to mask in ABA, by parents and caregivers who didn't accept our authentic Autistic selves, or a lifetime of exclusion and social ostracization for our Autistic traits did, the world created this need for us to do so. Neuromajorities percieve difference as a threat, as something to be eradicated. It's not an active choice, it is a defense mechanism and a survival strategy. Especially for Autistic professionals who need to conform to corporate or institutionalized environments.

It isn't deception, it's surviving in a world that doesn't accept Autists as we are, that routinely excludes us at every turn while on the surface calling for our acceptance and inclusion.

The problem is, it causes depression. It leads to burnout. It can make us unsure of where the mask ends and we begin. It causes us to believe that our unique and fundamental modalities of being are wrong, and that we will never be accepted as we truly are. Maskinf can be a trauma reaponse, but it also causes more trauma.

Su***de is the number one cause of death for Autists. Research on Autistic suicidality can be found here: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-020-04393-8. There's not enough research on the link between masking and suicidality, but some that does exist can be found here: https://molecularautism.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13229-018-0226-4. The lasting negative psychological impact of therapies that enforce masking in order to normalize us can be read about here: https://muse.jhu.edu/article/753840/pdf?

Unmasking is not just imperative to Autistic authenticity, it is imperative to Autistic survival. I implore parents of Autistic youth to allow them to be their authentic selves. I implore adult Autists to drop the mask. Our psychological wellbeing and very life depend on it.

12/21/2020

https://youtu.be/P7lE-G1oC34

Cry with me.

Listen to The River here: https://Aurora.lnk.to/AURORARiverVD CONNECT WITH AURORA...Instagram - https://lnk.to/AIGID Twitter - https://lnk.to/AURTw1ID Facebo...

12/19/2020

Today I want to talk about why I don't identify with the puzzle piece that is meant to be a symbol of support to the autistic community.

You have seen the van in town. Yes, the one with the dent in the bumper, multiple car seats, children in and out aged preschool to teen. The various stickers on the back of the van include some variation of church affiliation, sports team of a child, maybe a college sticker devoting praise to their child now free from the nest.

There is also a puzzle piece.

and to me, a piece of a puzzle only insinuates that I am a part of something, but never something standing alone. I am a thing that fits into something, but rarely do I seek that whole?

I don't know..

I don't consider myself lacking at all. In fact, quite the opposite!
I consider myself more equipped than my neurotypical counter part. In the sense, I feel more intensely. My reactions match my inner turmoil, I assure you.
That isn't a negative thing.
This thing that makes others consider me as just a piece, actually allows me to PLUG IN to other peoples feelings in which case despite your imagining my lack of empathy.. I become overstimulated by the amount I can feel in another.

Take a moment to understand that different does not mean broken.

Different does not mean less.

Different means opportunity to see things in so many new and insightful ways that perhaps you'd never be able to experience otherwise.

I challenge you, the next time you are in an autistic person's presence to pause and really see them. Really ask them how they are doing. Practice empathy, yourself.

Then try to tell yourself that they are only a piece and not a whole. I don't think you will be able to.

12/16/2020

Visit AnneSingley.com for new course options available for January 2021

12/14/2020

How long have you been hiding behind emotional masking? Take a walk through the vision of Anne Singley for an experience through autistic eyes.

12/14/2020

Beware of any "social skills" programs that teach our autistic children to be compliant, likeable and agreeable.

Many of us as autistic adults spend the rest of our adult lives attempting to undo both the weight and burden of people pleasing to our detriment; and many violations against our human rights as the result of being groomed to be more vulnerable in what appeared to be "helpful therapies".

We come away as adults not having a clue who we are; an identity crisis.

The impact this has on our mental and emotional; and physical wellbeing is paramount.

Autistic people should not be taught to follow from the very beginning of their formative and foundational years.

We should be supported to grow into who we ARE; who we were born to be all along.

We are to be actualised; not normalised.

Always supportive therapies; never compliance based therapies.

Supports across the lifespace, when and where necessary; never EVERY THERAPY ON OFFER because, well, autism.
KF
Image Credit: Tato Villanova

12/10/2020

If TikTok is your style...catch my other project here

12/06/2020

Accurate?

12/06/2020

Part of my own journey has been trying to understand why people want so badly for me to suppress my own pain in order to spare my aggressors feelings. Not one bit of that is acceptable.
For as long as I have been with my husband, his parents have all but forced us to have a “healthy” relationship with his ex wife.
The closest we can come to that is her walking all over us and destroying our happiness at every possible opportunity.

I have so much more to say on this topic but please understand and recognize the differences between a healthy connection and one that constantly tears you down.

Take space as needed without judging yourself.

12/05/2020

Today I have had to place a boundary in a situation that has hurt me for five years on and off. This person is someone I met 15+ years ago.

it is hard.
it is so hard.

When you find yourself slamming into the same wall over and again, you have to wonder why you keep running at all?

This person is someone that i connected with at a young age and gave big parts of myself to. We were quickly trauma-bonded because of the strange and unsettling things that went on in our town, within our homes, and in our own social lives.

In the end there was a mutual separation and a large amount of codependency that left each of us ill equipped as we trudged ahead in life.

After a period of wandering the world outside of one another, we began to communicate again after seven long years.

This is a person I still care for and yet, this individual chooses to hold my autism traits against me.

"Why can't JUST talk about what the weather is like today? or what you are eating? or what you are drinking"

no
NO
no...

I actually can't do that and you want to know why?

That means me stopping every single interaction i have with a person before my brain feels like it is finished. It means every time we are in contact, i must assure I stay at the same level of functioning ( never be out of spoons) It means we can never grow closer, and honestly that makes my brain just come undone.

Authenticity is at my core and I can't fashion my existence around everyone's comfortability.

I am opinionated.
I am tender.
I am honest.
I am loving.
I am passionate.
I struggle with intrusive thoughts.
I am worthy.

I am not broken.
I am not intense.
I am not overreacting.
I am not petty.
I am not dramatic.

YOU WERE NOT LISTENING.

Please take proper space from those who do not allow you to take off your mask. The damage can be devastating to stay in mask for too long. (for sake of clarity, I am in fact referring to emotional masking)

Anne Singley

12/03/2020

Guys I have been deep in research on a project that will align with The Uncovering. It is dealing with childhood trauma, and PTSD. I am excited for what this will mean for the future of The Uncovering. I'd love to have input from all of you (through comments or at our email [email protected]

Know that you can always reach out if you need some support in your journey.

Check out the website if you have not already at www.annesingley.com

we have a shop that has a few fun items that support neurodiversity, and by purchasing these you are helping to fund my further research and development of this ongoing project. Thanks again for being a part of my vision!

11/25/2020

Visit www.annesingley.com for more!

11/23/2020

Today I woke to 50 likes.

This made me realize that I finally have a voice, despite physically having had one my whole life technically. I feel maybe, I can be heard.

That’s a curious thought, really.

Why is it we walk around for years trying to find the place to fit into just to finally realize we were meant to embrace all the things we hid?!

The message that mocked and haunted as a child was to “Be Yourself!”

But why do you not understand that is the very thing we were also taught not to do??

Okay, I’m 6 and standing in line at the church my family attends. My father does his community service here. I am made to think it’s his job. This detail will be relevant soon..
We are in line alongside other families dressed for the occasion.

It’s 1993.

My parents say it will take awhile so I find my own headspace to settle into.

I position myself close enough to touch my mother at all times as she wrestled my toddler sister to stay in her arms.

We are having family photos taken professionally for the church photo album.
I begin thinking in patterns because I was told to be patient.

Three sisters
Three minutes for each step up in line.
Three leaves on the painting.
Three pm
Three people in group in front of me.
Three is my sister’s age.
Three backseats in a car.
Three times daddy cleans the big bath tub where people go underwater.
Daddy works here and so does (teacher’s name) she plays piano and teaches kindergarten.

This branches from someone saying “1993” in conversation with someone else but I chimed in with this list of “three” facts.

Once my parents escaped that interaction and it was our turn to have a photo taken, I was so anxious that I could not stop sucking on my lip to self soothe. They all begged me to stop but with the pressure placed on me, it was the only way I knew to self regulate.

I ruined that family photo and it’s the last we ever took.

You see, that was me being myself. Later on in my school years I’d learn not to do things like that out loud, or in public. It was never received well and I’d be talked down to and called names.

And even more painful years later.. I’d learn my brain is wired differently, and since I abandoned myself so long ago..

I now must find my way home. (Or well,back to myself)

Thank YOU for supporting that by being here📍

11/22/2020

Surely by now, you have read about Sia unfortunate nose dive into the Autism community. I have sat and read a lot of opinions on the matter and really tried to sit with my feelings before reacting. Maybe you don't know this about me yet, but that is not something I am very good at.

So here are my observations.

FIRST:
The first red flag that this project was likely not going to be a success would have been the moment that your team could not accommodate the needs of the very community you are attempting to be in support of. By dismissing a ND person from the casting of a ND character, you have proven that honoring this community was not actually at the fore front of this project.

I know first hand that i shut down when i attempt to be involved with a project that does not align with myself or my views. I imagine something of the sort must have taken place and that is why this was unsuccessful.

SECOND:
The dynamic of the musical numbers i did witness felt very s*xually charged in my opinion (and my husbands) in his words, the film might as well have been titled "P**n" rather than "Music"

In a growing world of s*x crimes and the negligence of protecting children's innocence, this trailer felt much more like an ad on grooming than it did a musical about the mind of a neurodiverse person.

THIRD:
I happen to be of the musically inclined autistic population and my experience is not the way that it is depicted. There is rarely psychosis going on simultaneously.. which is what this film depicts as happening.

I have more thoughts on this but I will have to revisit later..
For now, just take care of yourself and please disconnect if you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed by this or any other event that is challenging for our community