07/06/2025
Dear Relationship Status,
I’m a 29-year-old woman, and I recently discovered that my 38-year-old husband is on Tinder. I’m still in shock and trying to process everything because it really hurts.
Every night, he usually falls asleep with his phone in his hand. I’ll often wake up in the middle of the night, turn off the screen, and set it aside. But last night, when I woke up, his phone was still on — and the Tinder app was open. I picked it up and saw that he was actively messaging over 10 different women. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, so I screen recorded everything before waking him up.
In the past, I would have completely lost it. This kind of betrayal has happened to me twice before in previous relationships, so maybe that’s why I stayed a little calmer this time. But inside, I was boiling.
When I woke him up and confronted him, his response was basically, “It has nothing to do with you.” He even let me look through his profile, and I saw that he lied about his age — he listed himself as 28. I was disgusted. Hurt. Furious. We’re coming up on one year of marriage, and we’ve been together for five years total.
Part of me wants to file for divorce immediately and never look back. But another part of me wonders if he’s mentally spiraling. His father has stage 4 cancer, and I know he’s going through a lot — but does that justify this behavior? Honestly, I don’t think so.
Right now, I don’t feel ready to share this with friends or family, so I’m turning to you. This is my first marriage, and it feels like it’s crumbling right in front of me.
My question is: What do I do now? How do I know if this marriage is even worth trying to save — or if I’m just holding onto false hope?
—Conflicted and Crushed
