Text Me Back

Text Me Back a podcast about snakes, ghosts, TV, the supreme court, and making your best friend laugh

Today, we tide! Sadly, the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico kindly asked Meagan (la Reina Lazy) to put away her ass and retur...
04/30/2026

Today, we tide! Sadly, the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico kindly asked Meagan (la Reina Lazy) to put away her ass and return to the Continental United States immediamente, so she is back to report on if she a) kissed Benito or b) kissed Ricky Martin orrrrr secret option c) kissed Billy the Magician. AND we are reaching a muy satisfying conclusion to our lazy river saga, wherein Meagan finds the laziest rio in alllll of Puerto Rico. Sorry in advance to the polo-presenting Americans in our community – your experience is valid!

And back at the ranch, Lindy tells us all about tiny town USA and her Braum’s redemption tour. No more asking the teens behind the counter to defrost the chicken pimiento – we think you’re gonna like what she ordered.

Slide 1: two normal women
Slide 2: show some respect, this is the mayor of Ponca City
Slide 3: double cheeked up on a jueves afternoon
Slide 4: exceeded expectations, folks
Slide 5: safety primero
Slide 6: magic rocks
Slide 7: magic ROCKS
Slide 8: oooooooklahoma
Slide 9: a rock that moves
Slide 10: happy to see Joel Kim Rooster finally settled down

04/25/2026

if a single one of you encourages the concept of “mom frosting” I’m canceling the podcast 👎🏼🚫🙅🏻‍♀️

04/24/2026

mookus grackus for listening and we’ll see you all at Wendy’s for the southwestern burger launch 🍔

Ohhh the space-time continuum is catching up! In this ep you can find out who Meagan yelled at JUST LAST WEEK!In this we...
04/23/2026

Ohhh the space-time continuum is catching up! In this ep you can find out who Meagan yelled at JUST LAST WEEK!

In this week’s tidings, we finally get to hear about how Lindy’s stay in Oklahoma City is going/went! Did you know in the Midwest there is no line ever, plenty of parking, and mansions for $12??? Are you one of the people in love with America’s mid-sized cities?

And thrilled to announce an evolution in 🎀Meagan’s Journey 🎀! Will Meagan finally smooch Benito and/or Ricky Martin on the face? More importantly, will she finally find herself drifting along a stream of chlorinated water while moving nary a muscle? Tune in next week for the exciting potential finale!!!!!!

Finally, we have a long-cooking Segment P.U.B.E.S that Meagan has been developing for weeks! We have our first hater!!!!! And I think I know who left us a 1 star reviewwwwwww. Tooonnyyyy! And btw, he’s not completely wrong, we should definitely be YouTube influencers by now, so go and give us a follow!

Slide 1: two women with a political agenda and a failing comedy podcast
Slide 2: BRAUUUUUM’S
Slide 3: why would they say it like this
Slide 4: mookus grackus
Slide 5: Dee Dee Megadoodoo
Slide 6: Tony Burrito and his fellow millionaires
Slide 7: Tony Burrito’s vast army

04/20/2026

we’re ready to speak our truth: Jim Belushi is funny as hell

04/17/2026

all of a sudden, a t***k snaps 💅🏻

Welcome back, it’s a brand new day because that’s how time works. It’s definitely not the same day, as you can see from ...
04/16/2026

Welcome back, it’s a brand new day because that’s how time works. It’s definitely not the same day, as you can see from Meagan’s cool new way of sitting and Lindy’s fresh new ‘do.

In today’s Whatcha Watchin’, 🚨🚨BIG Spoiler Alert 🚨🚨bc Meagan is fired up on a little number called Song Sung Blue. Do you think this movie is a stinky diaper or not a stinky diaper? It’s a little late to rehabilitate Meagan’s opinion, but you can certainly hash it out in the discord over at patreon.com/textmebackpod.

AND THEN, we’re talking Normal News!!!! You’ll never guess what appeared on Lindy’s Instagram feed!! He has a friar tuck hair cut, pecs, and hangs out in a mysterious swamp.

And last and possibly least 🎀🐶Dog Thoughts 🐶🎀. Is Kevin cancelled? Is Lindy cancelled for her unforgivable coinage?

1: Two best friends named Michellle Pfeiffer (L) and Coolio (R)
2: This ain’t your grandma’s way to use a chair
3: Producer Alli and Friend of the Show Diana create silver screen magique
4: Lindy waited in line for these
5: Cominaw yay-haw?????
6-7: Does anyone else watch Plebs? He’s giving Grumio.
8: This pipe said “konichiwa”
9: NYX!!!!!!!
10: Is Kevin fat?
11: Kevin begging, fatly.

04/14/2026

raise your hand if you’ve ever been personally victimized by the daily mail dot co dot uk 🙋‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️

04/12/2026

we would never kink shame but good god man 🐎

04/10/2026

🚨NEW TMB DOG ALERT🚨 her name is Nyx and she’s MAGNIFICENT!!! you can see her in full glory on yewchewb 🐕‍🦺! thank you for the emotional support animal!

A new bombshell has entered the villa. Her name is Nyx, and the only way to see her precious face is by checking us out ...
04/09/2026

A new bombshell has entered the villa. Her name is Nyx, and the only way to see her precious face is by checking us out on Youtube.com. 🐶

Ambient to the new dog situation, we are discussing Tidings (crying in Pennsylvania, DailyMail dot co dot UK, Lindy’s road trip), BUT FIRST, Lindy’s Surprise Microsegment. New glasses comparison is IN and you’ll need to tune in to update your portfolios posthaste.

And many have been wondering what the deal is. Is Lindy being held hostage? What did her .8 second pause on that Modern Love interview mean? We invite you to read the source material! Buy Adult Braces or listen to the audiobook wherever you listen to stuff!

And if YOU know what romantasy audiobook Lindy is listening to, sound off in the comments!

Slides 1-2: baby this is Nyx’s podcast now
Slide 3: and the worst part is, I never learned how to read
Slide 4: Lionel Messi locally sources the chives for all the Hard Rock hotels
Slide 5: Pep Boy on the left has a problematic mustache but otherwise this is definitely Lindy, right

04/02/2026

it’s ok, guys. we know you’re just mad about something else (war and/or the price of cereal) ❤️

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