Text Me Back

Text Me Back a podcast about snakes, ghosts, TV, the supreme court, and making your best friend laugh

Today, we discuss ending the podcast. We decide…we still like doing this s**t! Turns out podcast fun? Podcast helpful? P...
06/05/2026

Today, we discuss ending the podcast. We decide…we still like doing this s**t! Turns out podcast fun? Podcast helpful? Podcast...hopeful? Even though we didn’t win a Golden Globe, that DOESN’T mean we didn’t deserve a Golden Globe. Maybe next year! If you want us to keep podcasting forever, please give us some yummy yummy affirmations! We live off of your reviews, your bucks, and your general accolades. That’s honestly the main reason we’re still here, so THANK YOU to everyone who supports us on the regular.

Since we decided to continue the podcast, we’re thrilled to introduce a new segment: The 🦅Foundation of Society 🦅. Are you the only person on planet earth? Huge if true. Let us know!

And guess what kiddos, it’s a Snake of The Week/Segment P.U.B.E.S crossover! That could only mean one thing: Robert Fitzwilliam Kennedy is involved.

Stay tuned to the end for updates on Segment Dictionary: I Swallowed Wrong and It Went Down The Wrong Pipe/I Choked On My Own Spit. We have some new verbiage we’d like to you to consider, vote on, and start implementing immediately.

1: Two of Gaia’s top children
2: It was rigged
3: Only Dean Cain as Moses coming soon on the Fox Prayer in Schools Network knows who ate the 13th biscuit
4: Crazy lady living in a bag
5: The Foundation of Society TM
6: tfw u have the same last name as ur cousin’s first name
7: The F stands for FlimFlamMan 😡😡😡
8-9: THE STORY OF BIBLE: THE MOVIE
10-11: He takes care of the place (HHS) while the master (democracy) is away (dead)

06/02/2026

setting aside for a moment the life-saving intervention on the part of the rapper T.I., did we know the Passion of the Christ had a soundtrack?? featuring multiple songZUH from Scott Stapp and the aforementioned T.I.???? 🙏🏼 🛐

We really should have thrown out our B*W jingle, because today Lindy came locked and loaded with not one but TWO epic bu...
05/28/2026

We really should have thrown out our B*W jingle, because today Lindy came locked and loaded with not one but TWO epic business ideas. Please direct all Middle-Aged Flower Girl booking inquiries to [email protected] thank you, and if you care to invest in Mary Janes For Men call our reps at (703) 829-0003!

And one of our most bizarre new segments yet: Straight Pride Month??! Did you know the rapper T.I. has a long and storied history of intervening in potentially life ending events?! MULTIPLE OF SUCH?? Okay, candle guy!!!

Slide 1: simply because we are on fire???
Slide 2: me when they call me white bread
Slide 3: ok it’s not THE hat but look at how insane this is
Slide 4: the only candle guy we acknowledge. because he has bars and he’s literally a candle
Slide 5: middle aged flower girl LLC!
Slide 6: now why would you do this to Lindy’s beloved Hyundai Santa Fe

05/26/2026

would love to grab lunch with that overly dramatic snake from Robin Hood 🐍

Weeooweeoo breaking news! The gals are looking…gorgeous this week?? And in a segment we’re calling 💋Makeup News 💋 they’r...
05/22/2026

Weeooweeoo breaking news! The gals are looking…gorgeous this week?? And in a segment we’re calling 💋Makeup News 💋 they’re gonna tell you all about it. We cannot emphasize it enough folks, you gottttta check out the YouChewb for a full faceful of milky toner. In the process, we trust.

Plus, it’s time for another SNAKE OF THE WEEK! We have three candidates to present for your consideration, and we invite you to let us know 1) what is/is not a snake 2) which of our snakes deserves the crown for SOTW.

1. One and a half Bella Hadids
2. Terry from Wayne’s World
3. SHELBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
4. Do people still do these? Let us know
5. An adventurer thwarted? Meagan loves to see it
6. The enemy (R) of Meagan’s enemy (L) is Meagan’s friend (R)
7. Why are you gay
8. Some snakes have huge knockers iykyk
9. Skink of the week and he’s drunk as hell

05/19/2026

It’s a new segment we’re calling “the dictionary,” and if any of you say the word we’re lookin for is aspirate you’re canceled

05/15/2026

nobody tell Samuel Alito that we’re watching Shawn Hatosy on TV with no pants on 👨‍⚖️

This week, we step into an important new next phase of 🎀Meagan’s Journey 🎀! Oh, you thought it was over after her pilgri...
05/14/2026

This week, we step into an important new next phase of 🎀Meagan’s Journey 🎀!
Oh, you thought it was over after her pilgrimage to Puerto Rico?? Tell me this: Has Meagan smooched any of her Latin Pop SuperEstrellas? Then it’s not over, chica!!! In this new evolution of the journey (🎀🎀Meagan’s Journey: Parte Dos 🎀🎀) you are invited—tell us what Ricky Martin OR Bad Bunny song is rocking your whole cabeza off to space. Tell us all about it in the discord over at patreon.com/textmebackpod.

Also—truly let us know what you’d like to see us use the Patreon money for or else we WILL be going to Kazakhstan! Current ideas in the works: Recording more in person. Live reporting from The Wisconsin Dells…Equipment?

And stay tuned to the end because NEW SEGMENT just dropped and we need a name and probably a theme song. If you think of a more elegant way to say what we’re trying to say, DM us! (?)

Slide 1: two women who swallowed wrong
Slide 2: movies should bring back that thing where they had those freaky little animated intros that just told you the entire plot of the film
Slides 3-4: the tastebuds (hat guy and tall guy) go to a Serbian restaurant
Slide 5: pegate baby
Slide 6: I’ll pay for it…….
Slide 7: sure it looks like c**a and it gives you lockjaw but

05/12/2026

anyone who tries to tell us what a javelina is is canceled immediately 🐷

05/11/2026

running a small business is hard, but do I really need to know your employee’s whole….deal?? because now I’ll never rest 🐶

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