07/16/2022
The Most Important Discussion You Will Have with Your Children is about CORE VALUES:
A common error I have experienced in being raised in a single-parent home and now participating in a single-parent relationship with a woman who has a child is the assumption that their child is digesting, organizing, registering, and formulating a plan so that they can live and be happy.
Sure, on some very very rare occasions, there are children that come into this world already knowing who they want to be and what they are wanting for their life, but they are the rare exceptions, very rarely ever the rule.
Here's an exercise I want you to try.
Step 1. Ask your child these two questions. What are core values and why are they important? Then ask what are your core values?
If your son or daughter has difficulty clearly answering this question or they respond with, " I know what they are but I can't define or explain it.", chances are pretty high that they don't know what core values are and why they are important. Even more so, internally they are likely walking around emotionally and psychologically disorganized and confused.
Step 2. It's really on you as a parent to insure that your kid knows what core values are and why they are important to possess. So on a couple of sheets of paper, set out to clearly define the meaning of core values, their importance, and how they can positively impact the child's way of life and trajectory.
(Exhibit A & B)
It's more likely than not that when you sit your kid down to discuss these very serious issues, he or she will start flopping around like a fish that's been caught being pulled out of water.
In many ways, your child has been caught before he or she has gone any further in life without establishing the importance of core values in their life.
Step 3. Research Core Values. Type "list of core values" in Google and select a list that you feel that your child would benefit from knowing or introducing to them and print it out. (EXHIBIT C)
Children, especially teenage kids, have so much going on internally, so much more than we can ever assume or imagine. And with full-time jobs, most parents spend very little time helping their child organize their thoughts and emotions. This is undoubtedly often the place where children slip through the cracks and more recently in the news, we have seen how that has turned out for some.
However, be encouraged. You will see that once you provide them a list of endless possibilities of possessing core values, it will be the beginning phase of where the personal investigation of who a child is on the inside begins.
Step 4. For this exercise, I used a list of 40 core values and added and subtracted words where necessary. (Pro-tip: make sure the word "cleanliness" is on your list.)
Have your child go through each column and circle 10 of the 20 from each of the columns that he or she feels are important. Your child will likely ask for clarifications or definitions on the list, be sure to not only provide a definition but an example of how this core value is used.
There's a common phrase I have heard my entire life from not only my parents but others, "I am raising my child the best I can." This statement usually comes from a parent that is exasperated or overwhelmed.
I am HERE to tell you, that the most important thing you can do for your child is to take the time to investigate who your child thinks he or she is on the inside.
This exercise will reveal what the child thinks of his/herself. It will also show you to see how this child prioritizes the "act of being" on a daily bases. And it will most certainly uncover some personal struggles your child is experiencing as was the case in this exercise.
Step 5. As you will see in EXHIBIT C, there are 10 words that are numbered in each column. Of the 10, 5 are circled and some have a star that is placed by certain words in each column.
Your child is in essence doing an introspective exercise, so when conducting this exercise, it's important to be systematic and patient. Don't hover over them or react to what they are responding with. Show them respect for what they are doing.
*Have your child pick 10 core values in each column they think are important by numbering them and have them read each of those words out loud.
*Then of each of the 10 numbered in each column, have your child circle 5 from each of the columns that think they improve on for a total of 20. Have them read each of those words out loud.
*Of the 20 areas of improvement circled, have them place a star on 10 core values that they will commit to deliberately work on. Read those out loud.
FANTASTIC! You now have some idea as to what is going on in your child's heart and mind. More importantly, you have a commitment to work on the things he or she feels are areas of importance. (Pro-Tip: Don't ignore the red flags if you see a theme. Make a mental note if your child stars confidence, optimism, and self-respect as areas he or she needs to improve on)
In EXHIBIT D, we separated the 10 core values that needed to be worked on and listed possible solutions.
Having your son or daughter read their selections and solutions out loud in each step, is an exercise of taking ownership.
Let's be honest, today we are seeing the deconstruction of many of the core values and principles that speak to our religious and spiritual faith. This has created lots of confusion and ambiguity for our children of today.
It's your job as a parent to empower your child to take an active role in the stones they set to build a path to living a happy and peaceful life.
Creating an opportunity for empowering your son or daughter to take responsibility for their own emotional, spiritual, and psychological stability is the essence of this exercise.
At the very least, it is my hope that this post will inspire you to have conversations with your teenager about establishing core values that you and your family can rock with, in their Journey of Becoming.
If you have any more questions about this, direct message me.
Rush
Founder & Principal Creator
HERE | There Are No Wrong Answers, Just Better Solutions.
