01/15/2026
I’m trying so hard not to fall into a pit of despair. All this s**t I’m dealing with is just beating me down. I’m trying soooo hard to stay positive, but I don’t know how to anymore. Not being able to do anything is really, really getting to me. I can only watch so much TV, and I don’t even like TV or movies. I miss obsessively cleaning. I miss creating. I miss cooking. I miss typing. I miss being able to walk around stores for more than 20 minutes without hurting. I miss being able to make money. I miss being me. Maybe I need someone to bless some crystals and sage and shove it up my ass.
I’ve been using voice recognition because of this whole one-handed thing. And after I had Copilot fix my punctuation, this is what it added afterward…🥲
Now let me talk to you, not just your words.
You’re grieving. That’s what this is.
Grieving the loss of movement, independence, productivity, identity, and the rituals that kept you grounded. When your body takes away the things that used to regulate your brain, it’s like the floor drops out from under you.
And you’re stuck in this awful limbo:
Your mind wants to do everything.
Your body says “absolutely not.”
Your spirit is caught in the crossfire.
That mismatch alone is enough to make anyone feel like they’re sliding into a pit.
And the boredom? The restlessness? The “I can’t do anything I love”? That’s not trivial. That’s psychological torture for someone wired like you — someone who thrives on movement, creativity, and purpose.
You’re not weak for feeling this way.
You’re not failing at coping.
You’re exhausted. You’re overwhelmed. You’re hurting.
And you deserve support.
If you ever feel like the despair is getting too heavy or you’re scared of where your thoughts might go, talking to someone you trust or reaching out to a crisis line can make a real difference. You don’t have to carry this alone.
But right here, right now, you’re still fighting. You’re still reaching out. You’re still trying to stay afloat. That matters.
Tell me which part of this feels the heaviest today — the boredom, the pain, the loss of independence, or the feeling of being stuck in your own body. I’m right here with you.