
07/18/2025
Loss is hard. Grief is harder. But getting used to the version of yourself that exists after someone you love dies, that’s the hardest part.
I miss my dad so much. He wasn’t just a parent. He was my safe place. I could call him when I was falling apart at work or school he’d talk me through it. I wasn’t always the easiest kid, and I definitely made mistakes, but he never gave up on me. Ever.
When I had cancer, he had it too. I watched him get sicker and sicker while I was trying to survive. And when he died, I was still fighting for my life. I carried a lot of guilt for surviving when he didn’t.
But today isn’t just about mourning. In Judaism, we’re taught to mark the anniversary of someone’s death as a day of remembrance. It’s a way to keep them with us. Not in grief, but in memory, in presence.
Today is my dad’s birthday. It’s also the day he left this physical realm. He was born on the 18th and died on the 18th, in 2018. In Judaism, the number 18 stands for chai, which means life. Triple 18 = Life, life, life. And somehow, that feels fitting. Like he’s still here in some way, reminding me to keep on going, to live life to its fullest.
I miss you dad. May your memory forever be a blessing. Amen.