12/26/2025
🐾 : Status Report – New Hire Announcement
Reporting from Ride the Sky HQ. 💼🐾
I’m Derby, aka Derbs, Chief Barketing Executive & VP of Sock Acquisition & Retention. I’ve been in training for some time now. Lurking. Observing. Learning office procedures.
Due to a Christmas cookie–related incident, management is currently sleeping on the couch. As a result, I have assumed control of the office.
Current qualifications:
🧦 Advanced sock acquisition & redistribution
🍪 Treat approval (universal)
💨 Zoomies for morale
🛋️ Strong stance against crate naps
Senior Advisor Chloe is on site. One eye open. Mildly concerned. 😑🐕
Status: Active. Leadership: Confident. Chaos: Managed.