You Don’t Know Jack

You Don’t Know Jack Jack Turnwald (They/Them) writes about NC issues, LGBTQIA+ topics, education, and mental health

07/07/2025

Accommodating someone’s disability without them asking can actually be disabling.

If you don’t actually know what we can do for ourselves then please don’t assume.

I see this so often with neurodivergent individuals. Parents, partners, peers, and even supervisors see us struggle with something. They feel uncomfortable witnessing that struggle.

Without asking, they decide to protect us by doing the task for us or simplifying asks. Their actions remove from our experience the struggle necessary to develop the skills, routine, or approach needed to succeed.

They are no longer uncomfortable, but our world has become smaller, more limited.

Yes, there may be limits to what we can do. However, unless someone has volunteered what they need assistance with, have a documented accommodation, or you have asked and they have named a need, please don’t assume how people should be “accommodated”.

Let us learn our limits.

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We need joy to sustain ourselves!Over the weekend I went to Apex Pride, one of my personal favorite Pride celebrations o...
06/17/2025

We need joy to sustain ourselves!

Over the weekend I went to Apex Pride, one of my personal favorite Pride celebrations of the year.

It filled my cup, put me in touch with community, and had me full of strong smile energy.

I also know there were folx who were critical of anyone who wasn’t at a protest.

Let me be clear, joy in times where we are experiencing heightened oppression, political assassinations, economic violence, and generally trending hatred…joy IS protest.

And we deserve joy, just because. No one can be in fight mode 100% of the time and no one should have to be.

So, if you see folx attending Pride celebrations or Juneteenth events instead of a one off protest (which, don’t get me wrong, has value) I need you to direct your energy towards people who haven’t been out here fighting for years while also managing the daily ins and outs of a marginalized identity.

Or, maybe just direct that critical energy toward doing your own inner work.

Peace. Love. Revolution. And JOY y’all! Don’t forget what we’re fighting for!

Image Description: Jack stands, arms outstretched, under a rainbow balloon arch at Apex Pride. They have headphones around their neck and are wearing a shirt that says “Trans. Visible. Unapologetic.”

Remember when trans folx said that coming for our healthcare was just the beginning?That we were the canaries in the coa...
06/16/2025

Remember when trans folx said that coming for our healthcare was just the beginning?

That we were the canaries in the coal mine?

A few years ago, I asked a neighbor to join our local organizing group that was trying to get our town council to adopt the local non-discrimination ordinance. (They have still refused to do so).

I’ll never forget that individual’s reply, “It’s not really our fight.” They oversaw the ERGs at the company they worked for at the time.

As, things continue to devolve my mind often wanders back to this moment asking, “Is it your fight yet?”

The reality is when it comes to fair treatment, access to resources, and BASIC human rights…

…the fight belongs to all of us. It should matter, not just because letting it happen sets a precedent for taking away the next targeted groups rights. But rather, because it’s what’s right.

Community care means operating from the expectation that no one gets left behind.

Celebrate Trans Joy Today!
06/15/2025

Celebrate Trans Joy Today!

Trauma and historically excluded identities frequently go hand in hand. However, most folx only focus on two possible tr...
06/13/2025

Trauma and historically excluded identities frequently go hand in hand.

However, most folx only focus on two possible trauma responses. Fight or Flight. We are expected either to battle or to run.

The larger world often forgets that Freeze and Fawn also exist as common responses to trauma. Immobility, being speechless and actionless, is a very real trauma response. And people pleasing as a way of seeking safety is too.

Additionally, I have found that among those of varying neurotypes, many people identify with a fifth possible trauma response.

Inform.

When the way your brain works often results in others misunderstanding or misinterpreting you, when you’ve been socialized not to trust or have confidence in your own instincts, when people add subtext where your communication has none, you may lean into this response.

The belief that if I give just a little more context, if I explain the steps that happened in my brain, if I outline why, I’ll be in less danger or I will be understood in a way that makes me safer is ingrained in many of us.

And just like other trauma responses, the outcome of slipping into “Inform” mode isn’t always greater safety.

Image Description: Jack smiles while wearing teal glasses and a gray Pride t-shirt with rainbow stripes and the word “OUT” visible. Various artworks hang in the background.

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During my teaching career, I asked to meet with an administrator about concerns raised by q***r students around homophob...
06/11/2025

During my teaching career, I asked to meet with an administrator about concerns raised by q***r students around homophobic slurs being used in the school.

This was not one or two incidents. It was a pattern that suggested a culture which needed to be addressed.

I brought up the topic with my colleagues who responded largely with erasure and likely unintentional microaggressions.

Oh, I don’t think that happens here

That doesn’t happen in My classroom

I’m sorry you’re having that problem

Later, a few colleagues came to my classroom and expressed how sorry they were about how people responded.

They named what was not okay and could articulate what would have been a better way to address things.

They seemed surprised when I stopped them and asked, “Where were you when the conversation was happening? When everyone was present for the learning? When I wouldn’t have been left alone defending the issue?”

It’s nice to show up after the uncomfortable moment and offer comfort, but real advocacy isn’t about showing up when it’s easy or comfortable. I’m pretty sure that conversation created a perspective shift and the colleagues I had this hard conversation with were the ones I had the most authentic relationships with while I remained in that particular environment.

When I showed up for the administrative meeting my intent was to ask what I could do to be a part of changing the unhealthy culture around q***rness.

Instead, I found myself in a room with three administrators being asked questions like…

…does this offend you?

…are you still settling into your trans identity?

They went on for over an hour, making it about me, while I had a full trauma response. Not one of them had the presence of mind to stop. What’s more, it also happened to be trans week of visibility and the school was proudly promoting participation.

Think hard about what your advocacy looks like and the message it sends to those who are most impacted. We can see when words and actions don’t align.

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It's been a while since I've offered a personal update to y’all. In Februry, while pursuing my MSW to be a therapist, I ...
06/10/2025

It's been a while since I've offered a personal update to y’all. In Februry, while pursuing my MSW to be a therapist, I started my own LLC, They 4 Them Consulting. As a disabled, trans non-binary, AuDHD Coach out here navigating the world I am building spaces to help others navigate it too.

Daily, we are watching that which we used to count on slip away or implode. People are changing, work is changing, what is safe is changing, and the future feels uncertain in big ways (especially for those from historically excluded identities). That's why my priority is supporting folx as they make sense of it all.

I've earned academic accolades and been recognized for past work which you can find on my CV. But what I've found most meaningful in this work is living authentically and having experiences that create connections with people, build trust, offer validation, and make space for possibility. I've navigated late in life career changes, living abroad, building my own business, running for public office, starting a non-profit, an ADHD diagnosis, an Autism diagnosis, living with thoracic outlet syndrome, burnout and recovery, marriage, divorce, workplace and narcissistic abuse, trauma, returning to school as a neurodiverse adult, building found family, and so much more. Amid all those experiences, I've learned valuable lessons about how to cultivate a life that honors my values, my bandwidth as a neurodiverse human, my responsibilities to the community I want to have, and which encourages finding joy in a chaotic world.

Frankly, that's what I want for all of us. While I am getting an MSW to be a therapist, I strongly believe that many models of therapy are less than optimal for neurodiverse peope and historically excluded individuals. Particularly, when those models pathologize us and and focus change on the individual without recognizing the systems that contribute to our circumstances. And for neurodiverse individuals in particular, therapy spaces often ask us to show up and mask to participate, frame anxiety based on pattern recognition as cognitive distortion, and leaves us in a loop of intellectualizing our problems rather than solving them (which we're often quite good at!).

This is why I’m offering a coaching space which welcomes neurodiverse and LGBTQIA+ individuals, which helps business leaders become more responsive, and which helps employees become more empowered advocates. Additionally, I provide Equity Coaching to family members of neurodiverse and LGBTQIA+ individuals as they learn how to support their loved ones. My approach is anti-oppressive, trauma responsive, and centers building esteem and joy guided by your personal values. Learn more, at www.they4them.org and book a free intro call! I’m looking forward to your revolution!

Moving forward, I will be using this media page You Don’t Know Jack to write about LGBTQIA+ topics and Neurodiversity as well as provide resources as they become available.

Image Description: Jack sits smiling in a wood adirondack chair, surrounded by greenery. They wear teal glasses and a heather blue t-shirt that says "Say Gay, Protect Trans Kids, Read Banned Books, Teach All History, Show Love".

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Hey friends!These are Democrat Representatives Garland Pierce, Charles Smith, and Dante Pittman. They just voted with Re...
05/06/2025

Hey friends!
These are Democrat Representatives Garland Pierce, Charles Smith, and Dante Pittman. They just voted with Republicans on a bill (H606) that extends limitations on litigation for medical malpractice by ten years and lifts the $500,000 cap for compensatory awards…for doctors who provide gender affirming care.

They rejected an amendment that would apply these same standards to other areas of medical malpractice.

Because this is simply about the anti-trans narrative. It’s not about fixing a problem. The problem doesn’t exist and certainly not on a legislative scale.

People regret gender affirming care at a lower rate than people regret knee surgery. They’ve literally paid an individual who detransitioned to tell their story in legislatures across the country to forward this kind of bill.

This bill will likely be vetoed by the Governor, but we need these Democrats to uphold a veto. Let them know.

Gonna keep checking my bank account for my autism tax refund…all the taxes I ever paid…🧐🤨I am AuDHD. I’ve done a lot of ...
04/17/2025

Gonna keep checking my bank account for my autism tax refund…all the taxes I ever paid…🧐🤨

I am AuDHD. I’ve done a lot of incredible things in my life AND I’ve struggled at times with things that some people find simple.

I’ve had deep and meaningful relationships AND I’ve experienced harsh bullying and rejection that was tied to the ways others have responded to my neurotype.

My experiences have value. My relationships have value. I have value. And no matter how or why a person may struggle/succeed, relate well/not relate well, be typical/not typical THEY HAVE VALUE!

Also, did you know that approximately 30% of trans people are autistic?

Image Description: Jack, a trans non-binary AuDHD human, sits on a tan sofa, holding the book “Unmasking Autism” by Devon Price, PhD. They are wearing orange glasses and a black and orange Fresh Beats t-shirt

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04/09/2025

Free speech, not quite so free anymore…

U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services is now screening the social media of immigrants for “antisemitism”.

This is some wild work with narrative. The Anti-DEI administration, which has littered their own social media with racism, transphobia, and xenophobia, is using criticism of Israel to call immigrants terrorists while claiming to protect Jewish populations.

The cognitive gymnastics are on an Olympic level.

“In a statement to NPR, Edward Ahmed Mitchell, the national deputy director of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, said: ‘The spirit of Joseph McCarthy is alive and well in the Trump administration, which has spent months dishonestly mischaracterizing legitimate criticism of the Israeli government's war crimes in Gaza as antisemitic, pursuing witch hunts into American colleges, and threatening the free speech rights of immigrants.’”

Article in the comments:

The Overton Window is out here closing faster than the stock market is tanking…
04/08/2025

The Overton Window is out here closing faster than the stock market is tanking…

In 2023 I ran for town council in the municipal elections. One year later, Judge Jefferson Griffin has gotten the corrup...
04/07/2025

In 2023 I ran for town council in the municipal elections. One year later, Judge Jefferson Griffin has gotten the corrupt NC Court of Appeals to throw out 60,000+ votes from the 2024 election, including mine.

My voter registration was updated due to a legal name change. A moment of trans affirmation and joy.

It was done within the expected timeframe.

I brought the updated form to the Board of Elections in person.

It included the required last 4 of my social security number, which had already been updated for my legal name change.

I had a Board of Elections provided voter ID in hand on Election Day.

It has been six months since the election. And now they are saying my perfectly legal vote doesn’t count.

This is voter disenfranchisement on a massive scale. Judge Allison Riggs won.

I am taking the steps to “cure” my vote, but I have no doubt that its fate will eventually end up in the U.S. Supreme Court.

If you voted in NC for the 2024 election, please check to see if you are on the list and take the steps to ensure your vote counts (Link in the comments).

Image Description: A screenshot of an ABC11 news article from Saturday April 5, 2025 with the headline: “Appeals Court Judges Rule in Favor of Tossing Thousands of Ballots in Close NC Supreme Court Race”.

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