10/14/2025
Shifting From Dismissing to Validating Your Child’s Feelings
Sometimes, in our efforts to comfort our children, we accidentally dismiss their feelings without realizing it. We might say things like, “You’re okay, don’t cry,” or “It’s not that big of a deal.” While these words are meant to soothe, they can leave a child feeling unheard or confused about their emotions.
For example, when a child falls and cries, saying “You’re fine!” may shut down their expression of pain. Instead, try “That looked like it hurt. Are you okay?” This response acknowledges their experience and offers support.
Another common phrase is, “Don’t be scared, there’s nothing to be afraid of.” While we want to comfort, it’s more validating to say, “I know that felt scary. I’m here with you.” This teaches your child that fear is okay and manageable.
Lastly, when a child says, “I miss you,” it’s easy to reply, “But you were just with me!” Instead, try “I missed you too. It’s hard to be apart sometimes.” That simple acknowledgment helps your child feel seen and emotionally safe.
When we slow down and meet emotions with understanding instead of correction, children learn that all feelings are welcome—and that’s the foundation of emotional intelligence and resilience.
