01/25/2021
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!
A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium
Q: What did one ion say to the other?
A: I've got my ion you.
Q: Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
A: To reduce his carbon footprint.
Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A: A silicon.
Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it's pretty basic stuff.
Q: What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?
A: Separation anxiety.
Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.
Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!" The husband replied, "Calm down, honey. We'll find a solution."
Q: If H20 is water, what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
Titanium is a most amorous metal. When it gets hot, it'll combine with anything.
Q: What did one titration say to the other?
A: "Let's meet at the endpoint."
Q: What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
A: Breaking up is hard to do.
Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.
Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
A: H2O.
Q: When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
A:C over lambda.
Q: How did the chemist survive the famine?
A: By subsisting on titrations.
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
Q: What element is derived from a Norse god?
A: Thorium.
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.
Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.
Q: What do you call a wheel made of iron?
A: A ferrous wheel.
Q: What kind of dogs do chemists have?
A: Laboratory Retrievers
Q: What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na
