09/30/2026
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This was the first time I had ever done cart witnessing. It was a couple months after our extremely traumatic second trimester loss/emergency D&C, and I was still recovering mentally/emotionally.
I threw myself into the organization more than I ever had, because I had even more motivation now—seeing him.
For five generations, my family was taught that we would see our dead loved ones again in a paradise earthly resurrection. We were told all names are written and remembered in Jehovah’s “book of life”, and we should never be too downhearted because the paradise is “just around the corner”. They would tell us not to be too sad because it shows a lack of faith in Jehovah’s promise.
So I didn’t feel like I could truly grieve him in the way I think I needed to. I worried if I grieved too much or too long, Jehovah would be disappointed in me. Like I was ungrateful, like his “gift” of eventually bringing my baby back wasn’t enough for me.
So I got up, with my son, and went out in service. I gave that organization everything I had. And it gave me nothing but heartache.
I’m so lucky that I woke up and left this when the kids were little. The little baby in that photo is turning 11 soon, and he barely remembers anything at all about . And that’s fine by me 👌🏻.
