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The Lincoln Courts Chronical, 69 Lincoln Circle, Jackson, TN (2026)

08/24/2026

**** Correction, the meeting is at 8:30!****

Are you pi**ed off at politicians using YOUR money to better their little lives, well now is your chance to act.

August 25, 2026 at 310 North Parkway in Jackson at 9:00. Show up and be heard.

This is a big bipartisan F you to you and your tax dollars.

Get out here and demand these folks are held accountable, how many can we get to step down??

08/19/2026

Madison County Commission Solves Healthcare Crisis for Madison County Commission

JACKSON, Tenn. After decades of Americans struggling with rising healthcare costs, Madison County leaders appear to have finally discovered an innovative solution:
Become a Madison County Commissioner.

During Monday’s Madison County Commission meeting, commissioners approved changes that will increase commissioner pay from $500 to $750 per month while also allowing commissioners to participate in the medical plan used by county employees, with Madison County paying part of the cost.

At press time, the program had not yet been expanded to the less fortunate residents of Madison County who merely pay for it.

The decision represents an exciting new chapter in local government, where elected officials have apparently discovered that employer subsidized health insurance is actually pretty nice when you are the employee.

Or elected official.

Or whatever we are calling this now.

Healthcare Costs Are a Serious Problem, Depending on Whose Healthcare We Are Talking About
Perhaps the most impressive part of Madison County’s healthcare revolution is the timing. On May 5, commissioners held a special called meeting where the Budget Committee recommended that county employees pay a 15 percent increase in employee insurance premiums.

Commissioner Gary Deaton moved to accept the recommendation. Commissioner Kevin Hicks seconded it.

The recommendation received unanimous voice approval.
That comes directly from Madison County’s own official meeting minutes. Apparently, somewhere between May and August, county government discovered an exciting second method for dealing with rising healthcare expenses.

When employee insurance costs rise, employees can pay more.

When commissioner insurance costs arise, the county can help pay.

Problem solved.

It is difficult to overstate the efficiency here.
The American healthcare system has spent decades debating premiums, deductibles, employer contributions, government assistance and healthcare affordability.
Madison County apparently knocked it out before lunch.

Commissioners Discover Full Time Benefits Without All That Pesky Full Time Work

According to reports, the change allows commissioners to enroll in the same medical plan used by county employees, with Madison County paying part of the cost. It was also reported that eligibility for taxpayer supported health benefits among people who are not full time county employees is unusual.

This could represent a revolutionary advancement in American labor policy.

For generations, workers have foolishly believed that benefits like employer sponsored health insurance generally accompany things such as scheduled hours, regular shifts and working throughout the week.

Madison County may have finally cut out the unnecessary middleman: The full time job.

Why spend forty hours a week earning benefits when apparently there are more efficient paths?

Somewhere in Madison County, an employee staring at a larger insurance deduction should probably stop what they are doing and appreciate the innovation happening around them.

Do Not Worry, Taxpayers. It Is Only Money.
It was reported that Madison County’s health insurance plan is self funded, meaning the county bears financial responsibility for the plan rather than simply transferring the entire risk to an outside insurer.

Fortunately, Madison County government has access to an extraordinary financial resource capable of absorbing additional expenses.

Madison County.

More specifically, the people living in it.

The Jackson Post reported that the county contribution involved in commissioner coverage is $650.
So while families across Madison County continue practicing outdated financial techniques like budgeting, comparing insurance plans and wondering why everything costs more than it did last year, county government has once again demonstrated the efficiency of simply voting on the problem.

Your insurance is expensive?
That is unfortunate.
Their insurance is expensive?
All in favor?

One Commissioner Apparently Asked the Dangerous Question: What Does This Cost?

Commissioner Olivia Abernathy publicly criticized the insurance provision.

It was reported that Abernathy questioned whether the county contribution toward commissioner insurance would effectively consume savings associated with other compensation changes.

For several tense moments, this introduced an unfamiliar concept into the proceedings known as:
Asking what something costs.

Local reporting has also raised questions about how clearly the insurance amendment and its financial implications were understood when the measure passed.
Which offers Madison County residents an important lesson in civic engagement.

Always understand something before agreeing to pay for it. Unless somebody else is paying for it. Then apparently the schedule gets more flexible.

Fortunately, Tennessee Has an Entire Chapter Called “Removal of Officers”
Now things get interesting.
Tennessee law contains an entire statutory chapter dealing with the removal of public officers.

Seriously.

It is Chapter 47 of Title 8.
Apparently someone in Nashville looked at more than two centuries of American government and thought:
“We should probably write something down for this.”
Tennessee Code § 8-47-101 provides that certain state, county and municipal officers may be removed for knowing or willful misconduct in office, knowing or willful neglect of duties required by law and several other specifically defined grounds.

Before anyone begins printing OUSTER signs, however, there is an extremely important distinction.
The law does not say:
“Citizens disliked your vote, therefore pack your office.”
Tennessee authorities have repeatedly described ouster as a drastic remedy. The County Technical Assistance Service notes that Tennessee courts require substantial proof of official dereliction and that a mere mistake in judgment is not enough.

So nothing in this article should be interpreted as a declaration that voting for commissioner health benefits automatically satisfies Tennessee’s legal standard for removal.

That determination belongs to lawyers, investigators and ultimately courts.

But Tennessee law does provide an interesting answer to another question:
What happens if citizens believe something actually does cross that line?

Apparently “Complain on Facebook” Is Not the Only Option
Under Tennessee Code § 8-47-102, the Tennessee Attorney General has authority to initiate an ouster proceeding on the Attorney General’s own initiative. District attorneys general and county attorneys may also initiate proceedings within their jurisdictions.
Section 8-47-103 goes further.

When the appropriate attorney receives a written complaint alleging conduct covered by § 8-47-101, the statute requires that complaint to be investigated. If the investigation produces reasonable cause, the statute directs that ouster proceedings be initiated in the appropriate court.

And Tennessee even included an option for citizens.
Under § 8-47-110, ten or more citizens and freeholders may file an ouster petition in the name of the State without the concurrence of those government attorneys, subject to the requirements contained in the statute.
Again, that does not establish that anyone involved in Monday’s vote committed misconduct.

It does establish something arguably more important.
Taxpayers are not legally required to limit their involvement in local government to typing angry Facebook comments underneath news stories.

Tennessee actually built a process.
Who knew?

The Great Madison County Healthcare Experiment May Already Be Ending And there is one final twist.

It was reported after Monday’s meeting that commissioners were already preparing to revisit or reverse the insurance decision.

Meaning Madison County government may have accomplished something truly extraordinary.

Commissioners approved access to taxpayer supported health benefits for commissioners, generated a public controversy and began discussing reversing the decision in approximately the amount of time most insurance companies take to transfer you to the correct department.

That is government efficiency.

So congratulations, Madison County.

For one brief, shining moment, local government may have solved the American healthcare crisis.

There was employer subsidized coverage.

There was government assistance.

There was protection from rising insurance costs.

There was even a county contribution toward the premium.

Unfortunately, there was one small eligibility requirement.

You had to be a Madison County Commissioner.

Everyone else can apparently keep paying the 15 percent increase.

08/03/2026

Jackson Announces Nation’s First Newly Constructed Spirit Halloween

Store to be built on former Great Wolf Lodge site and abandoned immediately after Halloween

JACKSON, Tenn. In a historic victory for seasonal retail and questionable economic development, Jackson officials have announced that the property once intended for a Great Wolf Lodge resort will instead become the site of the nation’s first newly constructed Spirit Halloween store.

Unlike traditional Spirit Halloween locations, which appear inside the empty remains of failed department stores, pharmacies, and furniture outlets, Jackson’s location will be built brand new from the ground up.

“We asked ourselves why Spirit Halloween should have to wait for a business to fail before moving in,” said a representative from the Jackson Department of Seasonal Economic Development. “Why not simply build the abandoned building ourselves and save everyone some time?”

Construction is expected to begin immediately and finish sometime in early October, giving the store nearly four productive weeks before permanently closing on November 1.

The building will feature 85,000 square feet of masks, plastic skeletons, motion activated demons, fog machines, and costumes that look significantly better on the package than they do once removed.

Plans also include a massive indoor water slide as a tribute to the Great Wolf Lodge resort that never materialized. Rather than containing water, the slide will deliver customers directly into the clearance section, where all merchandise will be marked 50 percent off approximately six hours after Halloween ends.

City leaders believe the project could transform Jackson into a national destination for people who need a costume at the last possible minute.

“This is bigger than retail,” another completely official explained. “This is an experience. Families will travel from across West Tennessee to spend $79.99 on a costume their child will wear for forty five minutes.”

The project is expected to create 14 seasonal jobs, three permanent potholes, and approximately 600 Facebook comments asking why Jackson still does not have a Cheesecake Factory.

Local residents expressed cautious excitement about the announcement.

“I was hoping for an indoor water park, but a twelve foot skeleton is also nice,” said one resident while staring across the empty property. “At least this is something the whole family can enjoy, assuming the children do not walk too close to one of those animatronic girls whose head suddenly spins around.”

According to preliminary renderings, the store will resemble a massive abandoned warehouse even while it is open. Architects say this is intentional and will allow the building to transition smoothly into its permanent role as vacant commercial property.

The design includes boarded windows, flickering lights, weeds growing through the parking lot, and a banner reading “COMING SOON” that will remain attached to the fence for at least seven years.

The city is reportedly considering a generous incentive package that could include tax breaks, free utilities, and a ceremonial oversized pair of scissors that officials may use several times if the first ribbon cutting does not photograph well.

Spirit Halloween executives were attracted to the location because it already possessed the two things the company looks for most: tremendous public anticipation and the lingering energy of a commercial project that did not work out.

Economic development experts predict the new store will generate millions of dollars in activity, provided activity is measured in people wandering around without buying anything.

The development could also inspire future projects throughout Jackson. Rumored additions include a permanent fireworks tent, a luxury v**e resort, and a combination car wash and urgent care center on every remaining corner of the city.

After the store closes, officials say the building could be reused for conventions, concerts, youth sports, or another exciting project that will be announced with great enthusiasm and never mentioned again.

For now, residents are encouraged to celebrate the historic investment.

“This proves Jackson can attract major national brands,” the city spokesperson added. “It may only be open for twenty eight days, but that is twenty eight more days than the Great Wolf Lodge.”

The grand opening is tentatively scheduled for October 3.

The grand closing is scheduled for November 1.

A second grand opening ceremony may be held next year, assuming everyone agrees to pretend the building was vacant in between.

07/29/2026

Jackson Residents Once Again Shocked to Learn Crime Involves People Who Commit Crimes

JACKSON, TENNESSEE

Citizens across Jackson are reportedly stunned this week after discovering that individuals who regularly threaten people, carry illegal weapons, glorify violence, and associate with known criminals may occasionally become involved in crime.

The revelation came after another shooting prompted hundreds of social media comments insisting that the suspects were good kids who had simply fallen in with the wrong crowd for the ninth consecutive year.

“He was always so respectful to me,” said one neighbor. “Sure, he carried a gun in every Facebook picture, threatened three people online last Tuesday, and posted about catching his enemies in traffic, but he always called me ma’am.”

Family members were equally confused.

“That is not how we raised him,” one relative explained while wearing a shirt featuring the suspect’s street nickname and sharing a fundraiser that described his arrest as an unexpected setback.

Residents quickly gathered online to perform Jackson’s traditional post shooting ritual.

First, everyone expressed shock.

Next, someone posted that the suspect was a talented athlete in middle school.

Then, several people blamed the victim.

Finally, anyone who mentioned personal responsibility was accused of not understanding the situation.

Local experts say the pattern is difficult to explain.

Apparently, many people believe criminal behavior only counts when it affects someone they care about.

A young man can threaten half the city, steal cars, wave guns in videos, and brag about violence without raising concern. The moment he gets arrested or shot, however, the community suddenly remembers that he once helped his grandmother carry groceries.

“He had such a good heart,” another resident said. “You just had to ignore the robberies, the threats, the weapons charges, and everything he openly told people he was going to do.”

Some parents have also expressed frustration that police continue arresting their children simply because witnesses, surveillance footage, social media posts, fingerprints, and physical evidence allegedly connect them to crimes.

“My baby would never do that,” one mother said. “Yes, he posted a video from the scene holding the exact weapon police recovered, but these officers have already made up their minds.”

City leaders urged residents not to jump to conclusions, especially conclusions supported by years of documented behavior.

Officials reminded the public that every shooting must be treated as a complete mystery until someone creates a memorial T shirt and organizes a balloon release.

Meanwhile, concerned citizens continue asking what can be done about Jackson’s crime problem.

Suggestions have included better parenting, stronger community standards, intervention programs, accountability, cooperation with investigators, and refusing to celebrate violent behavior.

These proposals were immediately rejected for being too judgmental.

Instead, Jackson will continue using its current strategy.

Ignore the warning signs.

Defend the behavior.

Attack anyone who speaks honestly.

Then act completely shocked when the predictable happens.

Because in Jackson, nobody ever sees it coming.

Especially after watching it develop for years.

07/29/2026

Jackson Unveils Newest Trend in Urban Living Near Casey Jones Village

JACKSON, TENNESSEE

Move over luxury apartments, tiny homes, and gated communities. Jackson has officially entered the future of urban development with its newest residential concept near Casey Jones Village.

The development features open air floor plans, unlimited natural lighting, flexible property boundaries, and convenient access to needles, Taco Bell, and the soothing sounds of Interstate 40.

City officials have not formally named the community, but locals have suggested titles such as Casey Jones Estates, The Village at Tent City, and Jackson’s Affordable Housing Plan.

Unlike traditional neighborhoods, residents are not burdened by mortgages, homeowners association fees, property taxes, air conditioning repairs, or the expectation that city leadership will provide an actual solution.

Several residents of East Jackson reportedly offered to open their homes to members of the encampment. Unfortunately, negotiations broke down after the proposed housing conditions were reviewed.

One resident of the encampment explained the decision.

“No air conditioning? I’m good. I can walk around Harbor Freight and Taco Bell for free.”

The East Jackson homeowners were reportedly shocked to learn that owning a house does not automatically mean the house provides better living conditions than a tent beside a tourist attraction.

Local real estate experts believe the encampment could soon become one of Jackson’s most desirable communities due to its excellent commercial access.

Residents are within walking distance of fast food, discount tools, gas stations, souvenir shopping, and dozens of hotels they can look at but cannot afford.

The development also offers something many Jackson neighborhoods lack: visibility.

Thousands of tourists pass the site while visiting Casey Jones Village, giving travelers an authentic look at Jackson’s booming economy before they enjoy biscuits, trains, and gift shop merchandise.

City leaders are reportedly studying the situation carefully, which generally means waiting until enough people complain on Facebook. Typical Scott Conger.

Possible solutions under consideration include installing decorative fencing, moving the encampment somewhere less visible, forming a committee, conducting a study, and reminding everyone that homelessness is a complicated issue. Yeah, ok.

Actually creating safe, climate controlled transitional housing was also mentioned, but officials reportedly considered the idea too practical. Who else is gonna pay unnecessary city employee’s salary?

Tourism officials remain optimistic that the encampment could become part of the Casey Jones experience.

“I love the thrill of not knowing if I’m gonna be stabbed for my half eaten order of biscuits and a cheap print on demand t-shirt while I walk to my Tesla!” Said one clueless tourist (They really don’t understand how flipping dangerous it is there)

Visitors may soon be able to tour the train museum, eat Southern food, purchase a refrigerator magnet, and observe Jackson’s housing crisis without ever leaving the parking lot.

Welcome to Jackson’s newest urban community.

No lease.

No utilities.

No air conditioning.

No plan.

07/20/2026

Old Gateway Tire Building Reborn as Church, V**e Shop, Credit Union and Barbecue Joint—Because Jackson Was Apparently Running Low on All Four

JACKSON, Tenn. — The former Gateway Tire building on Vann Drive is reportedly preparing for a bold new chapter as Our Lady of Rolling Clouds Credit Union and Barbecue, a revolutionary multipurpose facility combining the four pillars of modern West Tennessee life: religion, flavored ni****ne, consumer debt and smoked pork.

The concept is being described as “a fresh new spin,” which in the South generally means somebody put jalapeño pimento cheese on something that already existed.

Under the proposed business model, customers will be able to attend Sunday service, refinance a Dodge Charger, purchase a disposable v**e called Divine Blue Raspberry Rapture, and leave with a pulled-pork plate before the benediction.

Finally, Jackson residents will no longer have to drive across town to satisfy their spiritual, financial, respiratory and barbecue needs.

The church portion of the building is expected to seat several hundred worshippers, ensuring the Jackson area remains comfortably supplied with churches. At current expansion rates, local officials estimate the number of churches may soon surpass the number of residents cheating on their spouses—which analysts previously believed was mathematically impossible.

This is, after all, the Bible Belt: a place where everyone knows the Ten Commandments, although several are apparently treated more like optional terms and conditions.

Church attendance remains a proud Southern tradition. So does quietly changing the subject when somebody asks why half the congregation has blocked the other half on Facebook.

“I thought the South was holy,” said one resident. “But apparently we’re holy between 10:30 and noon on Sunday, then it’s back to deleting text messages in the Cracker Barrel parking lot.”

The facility’s v**e-shop wing has already generated controversy among residents who say v**e stores are destroying the moral fabric of the community.

These concerns were reportedly expressed over glasses of whiskey.

In West Tennessee, va**ng is often regarded as a dangerous modern vice, unlike consuming half a bottle of bourbon while explaining that your grandfather drank every day and lived to be 93.

Local critics insist the new v**e shop could encourage addiction, while simultaneously defending the region’s proud tradition of putting liquor stores within convenient driving distance of people who have already been drinking.

The difference, experts say, is cultural.

A mango v**e is suspicious because it has colorful packaging. Whiskey is respectable because it comes in a heavy glass bottle and makes your uncle speak emotionally about Lynyrd Skynyrd.

The credit union component will provide Jackson with yet another place to hold money, assuming anyone can locate some.

This is a vital addition in a city where banks appear to multiply faster than disposable income. Every major intersection now seems to feature a financial institution offering wealth-management services to motorists currently deciding which utility bill can survive another week unpaid.

The new credit union will reportedly offer checking accounts, vehicle loans, personal loans and a special “Bless Your Heart Overdraft Protection” program, which charges customers $35 to inform them they do not have $12.

Premium members may qualify for the Prosperity Gospel Rewards Card, offering two percent cash back on barbecue, funeral flowers and emergency transmissions.

The institution’s wealth-management division will be located beside the former tire bays, making it convenient for customers to discuss long-term investment strategies while financing four used tires at 19.8 percent interest.

Management says the credit union will serve the entire community, including the small number of Jackson residents who have not already received six mailers offering to refinance something.

Then there is the barbecue restaurant, billed as a groundbreaking new interpretation of Southern cuisine.

The restaurant’s innovation reportedly involves smoking meat, serving it with sauce and placing it beside baked beans—an approach never before attempted anywhere between Memphis and the Atlantic Ocean.

Developers promise a “unique barbecue experience” featuring traditional recipes with a modern twist. Early concepts include brisket served on a rectangular tray, macaroni and cheese containing paprika, and coleslaw described as “artisanal” because it costs $4.50.

The signature menu item will be the Holy Smokes Mortgage Platter, featuring pulled pork, ribs, sausage, two sides and a 30-year fixed-rate commitment.

Customers who cannot decide between sauces may meet privately with a loan officer.

The building will also feature a drive-through capable of handling all four businesses.

Motorists may pull up and say, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I also need a peach v**e, a home-equity application and two pounds of brisket.”

They will then be asked whether they want to make the potato salad a large for 89 cents.

Supporters say the redevelopment represents the future of mixed-use commercial real estate. Instead of allowing another large building to sit empty, Jackson will fill it with several businesses the city already has in astonishing quantities.

It is the perfect local economic-development strategy: take four oversaturated industries, place them under one roof and call it innovation.

The official motto of Our Lady of Rolling Clouds Credit Union and Barbecue has not been finalized, although several options are reportedly under consideration:

“Faith. Finance. Flavor. Fruit Punch Ice.”

“Where Every Soul, Loan and Pork Shoulder Gets Saved.”

And the early favorite:

“Come for Redemption. Stay Because Your Loan Officer Hasn’t Finished the Paperwork.”

07/16/2026

Jackson Officials Apparently Understaffed Everywhere Except TikTok and Facebook

Unfortunately, this article is NOT satire, people are just afraid to ask the question and Jackson residents have been told that crime is serious, police are understaffed, emergency services are overwhelmed, and the city desperately needs more money.

This is alarming.

Not quite alarming enough to interrupt filming, apparently, but alarming.

Because somewhere between responding to emergencies, patrolling neighborhoods, preparing budget requests, and explaining why taxpayers must dig a little deeper, uniformed public officials have found time to appear in social media videos for a local entertainment page, thankfully, not many folks see them.

Which raises a perfectly reasonable question:

Are they being paid while filming these TikToks and reels?

They are in uniform.

They appear beside public vehicles, inside public facilities, or while visibly representing taxpayer-funded departments.

So is this happening while they are on duty?

Because the city cannot keep presenting itself as one police call away from total institutional collapse while its employees are available for multiple camera angles.

You cannot say, “We simply do not have the manpower,” and then release a video requiring three officers, two emergency vehicles, a wireless microphone, and somebody shouting, “Let’s do one more take, but this time look surprised.”

Apparently, Jackson is so understaffed that every officer is essential, unless someone needs to recreate a trending audio.

Then suddenly there is a full production crew.

The official explanation would likely be “community outreach,” which is government language for something nobody can criticize without being accused of opposing communication.

A public safety announcement is community outreach.

A recruiting video can be community outreach.

A uniformed officer explaining how residents can protect themselves from theft is community outreach.

But when public employees are standing around participating in forced comedy with the enthusiasm of hostages reading cue cards, the line between public service and taxpayer-funded dinner theater becomes slightly blurry.

Nobody expects public officials to behave like joyless machines. They can smile. They can joke. They can participate in public events.

But timing matters.

If the police department is truly understaffed, every visible use of officer time matters.

If crime is truly increasing, every available patrol hour matters.

If city leaders are asking residents for more funding, every public dollar matters.

And if all three of those things are true, taxpayers are entitled to ask why uniformed personnel are appearing in promotional videos that seem less likely to prevent crime than to cause secondhand embarrassment.

The contradiction is remarkable.

At the budget meeting:

“We are stretched beyond capacity.”

On social media:

“Officer, point at the floating words when the beat drops.”

At the press conference:

“Our personnel are exhausted.”

During filming:

“Great energy, everyone. Let’s do it again from the top.”

To be fair, perhaps these videos are filmed during lunch breaks.

Perhaps the officials volunteered.

Perhaps no public money or on-duty time was used.

Excellent.

Then the city should be able to say that clearly.

Who authorized the videos?

Were the employees on the clock?

Was public equipment used?

How long did filming take?

Did the content serve an actual public purpose, or was the public purpose simply assumed because someone wore a badge in the background?

These are not outrageous questions.

They are the minimum questions that arise whenever public employees, public uniforms, public equipment, and private promotional content appear in the same frame.

A uniform is not a Halloween costume.

It represents authority, public trust, and a payroll funded by citizens who are currently being told that the city needs more of their money.

If an officer participates in a useful safety campaign, that can be justified.

If several public employees are being used as supporting actors for someone’s social media personality, taxpayers are allowed to ask whether they are funding the content or merely suffering through it.

The city cannot have it both ways.

It cannot say crime is too severe, staffing is too low, resources are too scarce, and funding is too limited while also giving the public the impression that uniformed officials are readily available whenever somebody needs content.

If Jackson is truly facing a public safety crisis, perhaps the priority should be public safety.

If it is not facing a crisis, perhaps officials should stop using crisis language whenever they request money.

And if these videos are somehow a vital part of modern policing, the next city budget should at least be honest enough to include the appropriate line items:

* Patrol operations
* Emergency response
* Officer recruitment
* Vehicle maintenance
* Ring lights
* Wireless microphones
* Trending audio licensing
* Overtime for reshoots
* One employee assigned to explain why this is all completely necessary

At some point, the city may release a detailed statement reassuring taxpayers that no duties were neglected and no public funds were misused.

Naturally, the statement will be delivered as a 22-second dance challenge.

This article is not satire, it’s commentary. It raises questions about transparency and the possible use of public time and resources but does not claim that any specific official acted improperly.

The Lincoln Courts Chronical

08/24/2026

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