07/07/2026
While Mayor Gates has been off climbing Mount Elbrus and wrapping up the Seven Summits, the self-appointed Mayor of Sipsey has reportedly launched his own bold expedition: an unsupported ascent of the river hill behind the Frosty Mug with absolutely no safety equipment. Armed with nothing but determination, a sleeveless T-shirt, and what witnesses described as “way too much confidence for that slope,” he announced that the only real danger wasn’t the drop, but the thousands of stray cats rumored to live back there, since he’s “highly allergic and spiritually opposed to Benadryl.” Supporters say he made it several feet up before stopping to point at the hill and declare it “Walker County’s Everest,” while concerned locals clarified once again that Sipsey does not have a mayor and this was never an officially sanctioned climb.
