07/18/2025
The Secret Pain of Pastors: What the Surveys Don’t Show
In a revealing article by Thom Rainer titled “The Secret Pain of Pastors”,
The well-known church researcher and former president of Lifeway uncovers a deeply troubling truth: pastors are suffering in silence. According to Rainer, more than 55% of pastors report being discouraged, and many wrestle with loneliness, burnout, and unrealistic expectations. While these figures are heartbreaking, what’s more alarming is what the survey doesn’t show—particularly when it comes to church size and its impact on pastoral well-being.
The Missing Link: Church Size and Context
One glaring omission in Rainer’s summary is the absence of any distinction regarding the size of the churches these pastors serve. That’s not a small oversight.
The demands placed on a solo pastor of a 75-member rural church are drastically different from those of an executive pastor in a 5,000-member suburban megachurch. Ministry context shapes:
Expectations
Workload
Resources
Support structures
Without this information, we’re left with a blanket statistic that lumps every shepherd into the same pen—making it difficult to target the real causes of pain and fatigue.
***What the Survey Did Show
Despite that missing data, Rainer’s report still shed light on major internal struggles plaguing pastors:
Spiritual warfare: Ministry isn’t just emotionally draining—it’s spiritually taxing.
Unrealistic expectations: From both congregants and pastors themselves.
Isolation: Many pastors, especially in leadership, feel they have no one to confide in.
Discouragement: More than half surveyed admitted they were feeling defeated.
And yet, many of these are symptoms, not the cause. Without better data on environment, structure, and systems, we’re missing the full picture.
***Our Perspective: What Churches Must Understand
At Dwight Whitworth & Company (DWC), we work with churches across the spectrum—from small rural congregations to multi-campus organizations—and we see one common thread: pastors who do not schedule their time or protect their boundaries will burn out.
***Let us be frank:
Churches that are unsympathetic to a pastor’s time, family life, or financial needs do not deserve a good pastor.
A statement like that may sting, but it’s true. Ministry is a calling, but it’s not a vow of martyrdom. When churches expect their pastor to be available 24/7, or fail to pay a livable wage, they are setting up their shepherd to fail.
***Time Boundaries Matter
Pastors who don't carve out time for rest, personal reflection, and family will eventually crash emotionally and spiritually. Their sermons may stay strong for a while, but their soul quietly weakens.
Scheduling is not selfish—it is sacred stewardship.
Guard the Sabbath.
Block family time.
Build in weekly silence.
If churches can’t honor that, they contribute to the very burnout they fear.
***Finances Aren’t “Worldly”—They’re Necessary
Far too often, pastors are expected to survive on below-market salaries or delayed compensation, with the assumption that their reward is in heaven. Meanwhile, they’re struggling to pay their earthly bills.
A financially stressed pastor can’t fully focus on prayer, vision, or discipleship. Let’s stop pretending that clergy poverty is a virtue. It’s not.
***What Healthy Churches Do
Churches that flourish under strong pastoral leadership often share three key characteristics:
They respect their pastor’s time and guard it from unnecessary meetings or demands.
They compensate fairly, based on realistic costs of living and ministry scope.
They extend grace, remembering that pastors are human, too.
***Final Word
Pastors are not machines. They are not public servants. They are shepherds, spouses, parents, and disciples first—and we must treat them that way.
If we truly believe in the biblical role of the shepherd, then let us:
Support them emotionally
Protect them spiritually
Sustain them practically
Until then, churches will continue to lose the very leaders they claim to cherish.
Being a pastor is hard. Not all the news about pastors is discouraging, but there is a hidden pain of pastors that we need to address.