08/16/2025
It’s been a weird few days. I turned 50. That same day I sat in a room with my parents with a doctor who rapid -fire -spewed facts about cancer and treatments to us for my dad’s recent cancer diagnosis. During this 20 ish minute appointment, I kept feeling like I was going to pass out because I was forgetting to breathe. Dad is a bit of a “best case scenario “ , nevertheless, it’s still cancer. It’s still in his body. It still requires a complete removal of the offending part of his body. It’s still serious stuff. I’ve been struggling with some heavy emotions and anxiety while simultaneously feeling like my response is over the top. Why do I feel that? Because one person out of many played the “ suck it up buttercup “ card to me and it broke my heart in a time when I felt the foundation of my world was shifting. Upon reflection and talking with a friend, the mother of a cancer warrior and survivor, who validated my emotions, I’ve decided my emotions are not over the top. They are completely valid and normal. Cancer, no matter the stage, is a big deal. When it’s your loved one, that word stops your heart. It alters your whole world. So maybe YOU could be fine but it’s absolutely not for you to decide how anyone else should process that news.
The day after turning 50, my baby child turned 18!!! How can this be? So thankful she will be at JHS with me one more year and we have that time together. I’m so blessed to watch her grow into a beautiful young lady. She’s funny and fun. Like me. 😂.
Also this week we returned to work. Our special education director asked if any of us felt overwhelmed going into the school year and I realized this year I do not. At least I don’t about school. I probably should be more bothered by my to-do list but my energy is flowing to my personal anxiety right now. I do feel like I’m struggling to focus at work. I’m not sure how to fix that. Maybe the brain fog will burn off as we start working and I’m more immersed in what’s happening at school.
I’ve been asked many times this week if I’m ok. I don’t know . Yes and no. I feel the answer I’m supposed to give is “yes “but I feel the truthful answer is a little bit of “no”. I’m shook, to put it mildly. I’m sad that my daddy, my rock and protector, will suffer, even for a short few weeks. But I’m also grateful it’s the best case scenario. I’m in a weird place right now. And that’s perfectly ok.