The Real DOSS FERRY chronicle

The Real DOSS FERRY chronicle A team of journalist committed to shining light on the happenings in Doss Ferry, North Jefferson County and now ALL OF ALABAMA
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FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS: NORTH JEFFERSON COUNTY IS GOING ON TOURTonight, three local teams are packing up the buses, loading...
08/28/2026

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS: NORTH JEFFERSON COUNTY IS GOING ON TOUR

Tonight, three local teams are packing up the buses, loading the coolers, checking the shoulder pads and heading out to spread the good word of Friday Night Football across Jefferson County.

* Fultondale heads to Center Point
* Gardendale travels to Chelsea
* Mortimer Jordan Blue Devils take their talents to Shades Valley

Somewhere in the area, a dad is currently standing in the driveway yelling, “WE ARE LEAVING AT 5:00!” while his family calmly continues getting ready until 5:47.

It’s officially that time.

The marching bands will crank up. The student sections will pretend they’ve got school spirit without immediately turning it into a contest about who can get the loudest. Coaches will look like they haven’t blinked since Tuesday. And somewhere, an offensive coordinator will call a play so complicated it requires three wristbands, a calculator and the Lord’s guidance.

To our Fultondale Wildcats: Go handle business at Center Point. Keep your composure, play hard and remember: the road team doesn’t have to listen to the home fans complain about the concession stand prices all season.

To Gardendale: The Rockets are headed to Chelsea, so strap in and get after it. Road trips are fun until somebody asks, “Does anybody need to use the bathroom?” right after you pull onto the interstate. May the football gods grant you safe travels and a few third-and-short conversions.

And to our Mortimer Jordan Blue Devils: We’re heading to Shades Valley. It’s time to bring that North Jefferson County energy, travel well, hit hard and make sure they understand exactly why the bus rolled into town.

Tonight, every kid who spent all summer lifting weights, running in the heat and getting yelled at for not touching the line gets another chance under the lights.

So be loud. Travel safe. Support the players, the cheerleaders, the bands and everybody who makes Friday night happen.

And parents, for the love of Alabama football, DO NOT BE THAT PERSON IN THE VISITOR BLEACHERS WHO SUDDENLY BECOMES AN NCAA-CERTIFIED OFFICIAL BECAUSE YOU WATCHED THE REPLAY ON HUDL ONCE.

Just enjoy it.

Three teams. Three road trips. One big Friday night.

LET’S GO, NORTH JEFFERSON COUNTY.

GO WILDCATS. GO ROCKETS. GO BLUE DEVILS.

08/23/2026

My OCD will have me sitting in the driveway sweating because my tires are 35… 35… 35… 36 PSI. 😩

Meanwhile some of y’all are out here driving a 2007 Altima with four different brands of tires, one of them is a donut, and the tire pressures are like:

18… 42… “Error”… and one of them just says “good luck.”

And you’re passing me in the rain like “This thing rides great, brother.”

Gang gang. Onward.

I really wish I was a member of a neighborhood page.I feel like I’m missing out on an entire world of entertain...
08/23/2026

I really wish I was a member of a neighborhood page.

I feel like I’m missing out on an entire world of entertainment.

I want to know whose dog has been loose three times this week.

I want to see a blurry security camera picture at 2:17 AM with someone asking, “Does anybody recognize this vehicle?”

I want to know why there are police cars on Firebrick before the police even know why they’re there.

I want to watch 74 comments turn a simple question about garbage pickup into a full-blown political argument.

I want somebody to post, “Not trying to start drama…” and then immediately start historic levels of drama.

I want to know who isn’t cutting their grass, whose teenager is driving too fast, why the power blinked, what that loud boom was, and whether the suspicious man walking down the road was actually just somebody’s husband getting his steps in.

Y’all are getting this entertainment for free, and I’m over here missing all of it.

Somebody please invite me. I promise I won’t cause trouble.

I just want to observe it. 😂🍿

THE BLUE DEVILS TAME THE WILDCATS, 41-0Well, the Mortimer Jordan Blue Devils opened the season Friday night and proceede...
08/22/2026

THE BLUE DEVILS TAME THE WILDCATS, 41-0

Well, the Mortimer Jordan Blue Devils opened the season Friday night and proceeded to tame the Fultondale Wildcats 41-0, in a game with so many penalties it lasted longer than a government meeting about how to shorten government meetings.

But listen… the night had everything.

A brand-new sound system.

Football.

Flags.

More flags.

And a referee with a microphone who apparently spent the entire summer preparing for his WWE debut.

Brother came on the loudspeaker sounding like he was about to defend the Intercontinental Championship.

“LETS HAVE A GOOD CLEAN GAME!!!”

I halfway expected smoke to come out of the tunnel and Stone Cold Steve Austin to walk onto the field carrying a folding chair.

The ref got so much mic time I’m not sure who the official announcer was. At one point I thought the PA system had been taken over by Monday Night Raw. Every time he keyed up the microphone, I expected him to say, “AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE…”

Meanwhile, Fultondale traveled a solid 15 minutes north on I-65 and brought approximately 20 people with them. And to be fair, that’s a long trip when your team is getting beaten 41-0.

But that game itself? Brother, it felt like I could’ve driven to Walmart, wandered around for 12 minutes looking for something I didn’t need, and gotten back before the refs finished sorting out all the penalties on the previous play.

The Blue Devils, however, had themselves a night.

The new sound system sounded great. The crowd was rocking. The flags were flying like somebody had accidentally left the laundry out in a tornado.

41-0.

The Wildcats came up the interstate.

The Blue Devils sent them right back down it.

Mortimer Jordan 1-0.

The season has officially begun, and somewhere a referee is still on the microphone preparing for his next title defense.

ONWARD, BLUE DEVILS. 🔵😈

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS ARE BACK — AND SO ARE THE MJHS BLUE DEVILS!This Friday, the Mortimer Jordan Blue Devils officially k...
08/18/2026

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS ARE BACK — AND SO ARE THE MJHS BLUE DEVILS!

This Friday, the Mortimer Jordan Blue Devils officially kick off football season at Jimmy Trotter Stadium against the Fultondale Wildcats.

And let me just say this:

It’s about dang time.

Because around here, football season isn’t merely a sport. It’s a community-wide condition.

The Blue Devils have the players, the coaches, the band, the cheerleaders, the student section, the parents, the grandparents, the alumni, and approximately 14,000 people who somehow have an opinion about the offensive play-calling despite never having actually called an offensive play.

And we wouldn’t have it any other way.

There’s something special about a Friday night in this community.

The lights come on. The band gets loud. The stands start filling up. Somebody is grilling something in the parking lot that technically violates several county health codes. Parents are pacing. Grandparents are yelling. Kids are running around. And somewhere, a man who graduated from Mortimer Jordan in 1987 is explaining to anyone who will listen exactly how he would run the defense.

Nobody asked him.

He does not care.

That’s what makes this place special.

Because these kids aren’t just playing for themselves. They’re playing for a community that has been showing up for generations.

They’re playing for the people who bought tickets, worked concessions, volunteered, sponsored programs, painted signs, hauled equipment, washed uniforms, drove to practices, sat through summer heat, stood in the rain and probably spent more money on football food than they care to admit.

They’re playing for the little kids in the stands who are watching those Blue Devils and thinking, “One day that’s going to be me.”

And they’re playing for the old Blue Devils who wore that same uniform decades ago and still get a little something in their chest when they see those colors under the lights.

That’s the thing about Mortimer Jordan.

The Blue Devils belong to everybody.

So this Friday, get to Jimmy Trotter Stadium.

Wear the colors.

Bring your voice.

Bring your kids.

Bring your parents.

Bring that uncle who has been telling the same football story since 1996.

Bring the neighbor who doesn’t know the difference between a nickel defense and a nickel at the concession stand.

Just bring yourself.

Because when those Blue Devils run onto that field, this community runs with them.

Let’s pack the place.

Let’s make some noise.

Let’s support these young men.

And let’s remind Fultondale that they didn’t just come to play a football team…

They came to play an entire community.

LET’S GO BLUE DEVILS! 💙😈

WHERE THE HECK IS DARNELL?Early reports from North Jefferson Middle School this morning have parents asking the question...
08/12/2026

WHERE THE HECK IS DARNELL?

Early reports from North Jefferson Middle School this morning have parents asking the question that apparently nobody in charge thought to ask:

WHERE THE HECK IS DARNELL?!

Reports say three officers were on site and somehow couldn’t pull off what Darnell used to do with a traffic vest, a banana costume and a smile, and what appears to be an advanced degree in “Just Keep Everybody Moving.”

Parents are reporting:

“We sat in line for over 30 minutes.”

“This is a disaster.”

“They obviously don’t understand if they let the line back up, it gridlocks the whole process.”

“Worst I have ever seen it.”

And let’s not forget the most important part:

Darnell practically BEGGED to work school traffic.

The man wanted it.

He loved it.

He embraced it.

He stood out there like the conductor of the Birmingham Symphony Orchestra, waving cars through with the confidence of a man who had absolutely no intention of letting your Nissan Altima ruin everybody else’s morning.

Meanwhile, today we apparently needed three officers, no smiles, a tactical command center and possibly air traffic control to NOT accomplish what Darnell did by himself.

So wherever you are this morning, Darnell…

WE MISS YOU.

The children need you.

The parents need you.

And apparently NJMS needs you.

WHERE THE HECK IS DARNELL?



Blankenship Darnell

SURVIVOR NJMS TRAFFIC SEASON 11: SEASON PREMIERE Well folks, school is back.Which means it’s time for that cherished Kim...
08/11/2026

SURVIVOR NJMS TRAFFIC SEASON 11: SEASON PREMIERE

Well folks, school is back.

Which means it’s time for that cherished Kimberly tradition…

THE NORTH JEFFERSON MIDDLE SCHOOL TRAFFIC EXPERIMENT.

Every year we gather our children, our vehicles, several thousand pounds of anxiety, and apparently absolutely no predetermined traffic plan and see what happens.

Now I don’t claim to be a traffic engineer.

I don’t even pretend to understand half the arrows painted on the road.

But I do understand that when you have hundreds of cars trying to enter and leave the same place at the same time, dozens of kids walking across a major road somebody might want to stand out there and direct traffic. (Now we’ve seen the lack of priority our city leaders put on this every since we lost Darnell.)

Preferably somebody who actually knows where the traffic is supposed to go.

Maybe—just maybe—someone who pretends they actually want to be there, rather than looking like they’ve been banished to some duty beneath their pay grade.

Historically, since the departure of Darnell the City and PD have approached school traffic with the same philosophy a dad uses when assembling IKEA furniture:

“We’ll figure it out when we get there.”

And to be fair, they’ve had plenty of practice dropping the ball.

So naturally, as responsible citizens, we here at RDFC are wondering:

WHAT EXCITING ADVENTURE HAS THE PD PLANNED FOR SCHOOL TRAFFIC THIS YEAR?

Will there be officers?

Will there be cones?

Will there be a plan?

Will the plan be communicated to anybody?

Will the person directing traffic actually direct traffic?

Or will we once again experience the thrilling annual tradition of “Everybody Just Do Your Best and May God Sort It Out”?

One thing we DO know…

It’s not Darnell.

And frankly, that may be the biggest traffic disappointment of all.

So buckle up, Kimberly.

School is back.

The buses are loaded.

The parents are caffeinated.

The kids are late.

And somewhere inside City Hall, a traffic plan is allegedly being developed with the same urgency normally reserved for a Temu package stuck in customs.

Good luck out there, folks.

May your commute be short, your patience be strong, and may somebody—ANYBODY—know which direction traffic is supposed to go. 😂

RDFC PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT Brace yourselves, folks.It’s almost time for the annual “Doesn’t Little Johnny Look SO ...
08/11/2026

RDFC PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Brace yourselves, folks.

It’s almost time for the annual “Doesn’t Little Johnny Look SO HANDSOME on his first day of school?!” photo dump.

You know the one.

Little Johnny is standing on the front porch at 6:47 AM, backpack bigger than his torso, hair combed so hard it looks like his mama threatened it with a belt.

Meanwhile, Becky is behind the camera yelling, “SMILE, BABY!” like she’s photographing a hostage for proof of life.

And I’ve got one question…

Why didn’t Becky do a “First Day of Summer School” photo shoot?

“Look at my handsome little scholar! 🥰📚”

No?

Funny how the camera mysteriously disappears when he’s sweating through a shirt in July, carrying a cafeteria tray and looking like he just lost a custody battle.

Anyway, get ready.

The porch photos are coming.

May God bless these children, their backpacks, and the 47 identical Facebook posts we’re about to scroll past. 😂

Bryan Elementary School Warrior Elementary Snow Rogers Elementary School Bragg Middle School North Jefferson Middle School

RDFC CALLS FOR MORE FLOCK CAMERAS! That’s right, folks. We’ve apparently been thinking WAY too small.If FLOCK cameras ar...
08/09/2026

RDFC CALLS FOR MORE FLOCK CAMERAS!

That’s right, folks. We’ve apparently been thinking WAY too small.

If FLOCK cameras are nothing more than innocent little license-plate readers, designed only to help keep our communities safe, then WHY STOP NOW?

We need MORE.

How about one at the end of every council member’s driveway?

Think of the possibilities!

We could know exactly when the mayor leaves for work.

We could know when a council member heads to the grocery store.

We could know when the police chief leaves home.

Heck, while we’re at it, let’s put one at the Sheriff’s house too.

Because again…

They’re just license-plate readers, right?

Nothing creepy about knowing who comes and goes, when they come and go, where they go and how often they go.

So why should ordinary citizens get all the privacy?

And while we’re at it, STREAM ALL OF THE INFORMATION TO THE PUBLIC!

We PROMISE not to misuse it.

Cross our heart.

Super promise.

Pinky swear.

What could possibly go wrong?

And we shouldn’t stop there.

PUT ONE IN THE COUNCIL CHAMBERS.

That way, when somebody asks:

“Are y’all ever going to livestream these meetings?”

We can finally say:

“Absolutely. We’re working on it.”

Of course, we’ve only been “working on” that for roughly 11 months now, so maybe the FLOCK camera can at least keep an eye on the empty tripod while we wait for the livestream to materialize.

At this point, Kimberly may soon have enough cameras watching everybody to qualify as its own episode of Big Brother…

…but apparently still not enough cameras to actually SHOW THE PUBLIC WHAT THEIR GOVERNMENT IS DOING.

And THAT is the part we find interesting.

If surveillance is good enough for the citizens, shouldn’t the people operating the government be perfectly comfortable living under the same microscope?

So come on, Kimberly.

MORE FLOCK CAMERAS!

One at every driveway.

One at every government building.

One in the council chamber.

One pointed at the promised livestream equipment.

And maybe—just maybe—one pointed directly at the people making the decisions.

Because apparently the answer to:

“Who is watching the watchers?”

is:

“We need more cameras.”

— The Real DOSS FERRY Chronicle

Your completely unnecessary source for asking the questions everybody else is thinking.

Address

401 Doss Ferry Parkway
Kimberly, AL
35091

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