The Real DOSS FERRY chronicle

15/08/2025

I kinda wish Dolly sang
10-3 instead

15/08/2025

Sometimes the simplest questions get the loudest reactions.

Earlier, the City posted about the new sewer deal. We asked two things:
1️⃣ Was there a bid process?
2️⃣ Is the company owned by a relative of a council member?

Apparently, Councilwoman Cowart found those questions “appalling,” and a few minutes later the Mayor took to Facebook to label it a “GRAND CONSPIRACY THEORY” and “stupid stuff” from certain pages who, in his words, contribute nothing positive to the City.

We’ll let you decide. Head over to the City’s page, read the post, and see for yourself if those are the kind of “stupid” questions you’d want answered in your hometown.

We believe some of our readers might just disagree about whether we offer “nothing positive” for the City — but we’ll let you be the judge of that, too.

Here’s a link to the Mayor’s post. You can scroll back on the City’s page to see the original sewer announcement where we asked two questions —
1️⃣ Was there a bid process?
2️⃣ Is the company owned by a relative of a council member?

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1Cha7B73Ba/

If you’ve got the time, go read it for yourself and decide if those are “stupid” questions or just basic transparency anyone should expect. We’ve got our opinion — but you don’t need us to tell you how to think.

15/08/2025

🚨🍧 OFFICER DARNELL SIGHTING ALERT 🍧🚨

Y’all… the man, the myth, the human traffic cone in Oakleys — Officer D — will be holding court at Pandy's Sno Biz & Treats today from 3:00 to 4:00.

If you’ve been missing him out there directing school traffic like he’s conducting the Alabama Symphony, here’s your shot to shake his hand, tell him “we miss you,” and maybe slip him some intel on the minivan that’s been blowin’ through the crosswalk like it’s Talladega.

Come grab you a shaved ice the size of a basketball, sit in the shade, and catch up with the only man in North Jefferson County who can keep a car line moving and give you life advice in the same breath.

Pandy’s today. Be there. Support local. Support Officer D. And remember — brain freeze is temporary, but Officer D’s glory is forever. 🙌

Blankenship Darnell

14/08/2025

Word on the street is we’ve now got at least two legit jiu-jitsu schools in the Kimberly–Morris–Gardendale area… plus another martial arts place that’ll teach you how to kick a man’s soul out his body. That’s enough, in my book, to bring back the All Valley Karate Tournament — just like in The Karate Kid.

We’ll get a gym, some folding chairs, crank up ‘You’re the Best Around’ on a boombox from 1987, and let the dads from around here coach like they’re Mr. Miyagi with a bad back. Picture it — kids squaring off while their uncles yell, ‘Sweep the leg, Bryson!’ and somebody’s grandma brings a crockpot full of Rotel dip for the concession stand.

Winner gets a trophy, bragging rights, and a $25 gift card to Milo’s. Loser has to rake leaves at the park and tell everyone in town, ‘Yeah… I lost to a sixth grader named Mason with a mullet.

14/08/2025

North Jefferson Middle School just announced we’re gettin’ a Newcomb team this fall. Y’all… if you don’t know Newcomb, it’s like volleyball’s cousin that dropped outta college to follow a band, but somehow got famous anyway. We’re talkin’ one night only, winner-take-all, single elimination — like the UFC, but with underhand tosses and middle schoolers.

I say let’s pack the stands. Wear your school colors. Bring your loud aunt who yells like she’s calling hogs. And man… if only officer Blankenship Darnell "Officer D" was still here to run traffic for it — folks woulda showed up early just to wave at him and get that ‘morning nod.’ Nothing against the new guy, but this is one of them times you realize… some shoes just can’t be filled. This is history, folks. Years from now, these kids are gonna tell their grandkids, ‘Yeah, I played Newcomb once. We lost in pool play, but your granddad looked good doing it.

We are excited to announce that we are allowed to have a Newcomb team this Fall. There will be a boys and a girls team. Each team will have 10-12 members. Review the information below. We will play ONE NIGHT. We trust that your child's extra-curricular coaches will support the school's effort and allow him/her to miss a practice to represent the school. If your child cannot attend the tournament, then do not allow your child to try out for the team.

Tryouts:

TBA DURING PE

Sign Up: Must sign up on your PE Schoology page during 4th period

Cost for Team Member: TBA

Practices: During PE- No after school practices

Tournament: One Tournament (Pool Play and then begin a single elimination tournament all on the same date)

Where: Tournament Site TBA

Possible Tournament Dates: 10/27,10/28,10/29

See Coach Johnsey with any questions.

14/08/2025

I would like a mildly criminal version of GPS that's like, "would you like to make an illegal u-turn here to save 10 minutes?" and if you says no, it's like, "NERD".

14/08/2025

When those two dads at every tournament unlock the Ancient Secrets of Hitting… but they forget they are talking to each other, not the kids.

What do you think they are saying?

13/08/2025

We get it — rules and guidelines are needed. Nobody’s saying we should just turn the park into Thunderdome. But man… what kinda park is this?

You got your normal stuff — no glass, no Styrofoam, keep your dog on a leash. Fine. Makes sense. But then it takes a hard left into “No Jello Shots” and “No Confetti Eggs.”

Now, I wasn’t planning on mixing tequila with gelatin at the playground, but the fact they had to write it down tells me somebody absolutely did — and probably tried to chase it with a deviled egg full of glitter.

At this point I’m half expecting the next rule to be, “No unicycles after dark” or “Don’t feed the ducks cigarette butts.”

Whatever happened here, I wanna see the security footage.

13/08/2025

A Small Gesture, a Big Impact — From Oakman, Alabama

This one didn’t happen in North Jefferson County. In fact, it didn’t even happen in our county at all. But it’s small-town Alabama all the same… and it’s the kind of story that makes you smile whether you’re from Kimberly, Gardendale, Oakman, or anywhere in between.

His name is Noah Reed. He’s a junior at Oakman High School — the kind of kid who makes good grades, works part-time at McDonald’s, and still finds the energy to suit up as a linebacker on Friday nights. That alone would be worth a nod. But it’s what he did on the sidelines last week that caught our attention.

It wasn’t dramatic. Nobody’s life was saved. No headlines were written in big block letters. It was just… the right thing, done without hesitation.

During a football scrimmage, the action came right toward him. Players flew out of bounds, right into a crowd of cheerleaders. Noah didn’t flinch — he made sure nobody got knocked over. And then, as the commotion died down, he noticed something else: one of the cheerleader’s bags had fallen to the ground.

So he picked it up. Neatly hung it back where it belonged. That’s it. No chest-thumping. No “look at me.” Just a small gesture.

But here’s the thing about small gestures: in the right moment, they’re not small at all.

In a world where too many people walk past the problem — Noah bent down and fixed it. And that’s why folks in Oakman are talking about him today. Not because he scored a touchdown. Not because he delivered some game-winning hit. But because he noticed something, and cared enough to make it right.

It’s easy to say “do the right thing.” It’s harder to do it when no one’s looking. Noah Reed didn’t just do it — he made it look effortless.

So here’s to Noah, from one small town to another. You remind us that good character isn’t built in a day, and it doesn’t show up only under the Friday night lights. It’s in the little things. And sometimes, the little things are what shine the brightest.

13/08/2025

We Stumbled Across a Musical Crisis and It’s Kind of Our Fault

Y’all… we were scrolling the internet like normal humans do, looking for memes of dogs wearing tiny sunglasses, when we stumbled across something that made us stop mid-scroll and whisper, “We gotta fix this.” The MJHS Band — yes, the same band that can make a trumpet sound like it’s summoning angels or a confused raccoon — has a problem.

They’ve grown. Like, exploded. More kids than uniforms grown. And the uniforms? Some of them are so old, we’re pretty sure they were last washed in the Clinton administration. You ever try marching in a coat that smells like four presidential eras ago? It’s rough, y’all.

So here’s the deal: the band needs new uniforms. Uniforms that make them look as incredible as they sound, because right now, you could have the world’s most beautiful sax solo and it wouldn’t matter if the kid looks like he borrowed a curtain rod for a sash.

Here’s where you come in. Through Snap Raise, the band keeps 85% of the funds, or if you wanna go full old-school, give cash or checks directly to the band boosters — they get 100%. That’s right: zero middlemen, zero corporate nonsense, just pure community-powered sparkle for these kids.

We stumbled across this and felt personally responsible, like we should’ve been marching beside them, trumpet in hand, somehow failing in unison. So we’re sharing it. Because if you’ve ever nodded your head to a drumline, teared up at a flute solo, or just appreciate seeing kids in something cleaner than your uncle’s garage, now’s your chance to help.

Click on the link below to donate to one of the band members’ pages — and help these kids look like the royalty of North Jefferson County they already sound like.

Because at the end of the day, nothing says “I’m a good neighbor” like making sure a kid doesn’t march across a football field looking like a thrift-store chandelier.

And hey — if you can’t toss in a few bucks, you can still help. Share this post. Blow it up like your aunt’s Facebook after she discovered Bitmojis. Let’s stand up, Blue Devils — loud, proud, and dressed like a band that just stole halftime from the entire state of Alabama.

https://raise.snap.app/donate/mortimer-jordan-band-program-2025/9909639?fbclid=IwY2xjawMJhlJleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBicmlkETFQYWdhak1qNFdIclFxa1NGAR6hAy7hbj5IWICDPO4QEsw-qJJ_y94-HbXzn8_WcIQfik_QRfckYfFLDupgpQ_aem_d3HklVmj1aYFp5OtmDaIsw

Mortimer Jordan High School Band Stephen's Hotdog Wagon and More North Jefferson Chamber of Commerce Wayne's Package Store RedCar Creamery The Old Dowdle Gas & Pub Majestic Pies

Support Mortimer Jordan Band Program 2025. Donations will go towards equipment, fees, and travel costs. Your support is vital to the success of our program.

13/08/2025

Breaking News: Shedeur Sanders will have his jersey retired by the Cleveland Browns after an average preseason debut.

12/08/2025

THE FOCUS ACT: IF COMMON SENSE WERE ACTUALLY COMMON
By The Real Doss Ferry Chronicle

You know, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about being back in school lately. Not because I’m smart, but because the cafeteria still sells square pizza, or at least I like to think they do, and nostalgia’s a powerful thing. I can tell you this… the average classroom today is not the same one we sat in back in the ’80s and ’90s.

The chalkboards are gone. The filmstrip projectors are in museums. The “library” is now a “media center” where the card catalog has been replaced by something that looks suspiciously like a Starbucks lounge.

And yet—despite all this change—the folks in Montgomery have decided the best way to prepare kids for the future… is to pretend it’s the past.

The FOCUS Act doesn’t sound like a law. It sounds like a laminated sign in a gas station bathroom. “Please FOCUS. Do not use your cell phone while operating the urinal.”

Look—I’m all for removing distractions. I’ve spent my life working around loud machinery, dangerous tools, and co-workers named “Lefty” who weren’t called that ironically. Focus matters. But so does relevance. And here’s the part no one wants to talk about: the technology in those kids’ pockets is the future.

The world they’re stepping into will not be “pencil and paper.” It will be “search and verify.” It will be “learn, adapt, and use the tools available.” If you take the tools away, you’re not teaching them to focus—you’re teaching them to be unprepared.

I’ve met pipefitters who use tablets to pull up schematics. Welders who watch technique videos between passes. Farmers who fly drones over their fields. You know what they all have in common? They learned how to work with the distraction—not just without it.

So if the FOCUS Act is the answer, I have to wonder… what was the question?

Because it sounds less like “helping kids focus” and more like “helping adults feel like they’re in control.” And those are not the same thing.

In the end, if you want kids to focus in 2025, you don’t ban the phone. You teach them how to use it—without letting it use them.

That’s not politics. That’s just common sense.





Alabama Department of Education