01/02/2026
So last week I got a diagnosis which has scared the p**p out of me. My husband has a history of, let's call it ignorant optimism, if anything bad happens he will just say ' it will all be fine! ' and it's only fine because I work my b__t off to make it that way, or he just ignores it until it goes away, I'm his carer ( he had a stroke 18 months ago ) he thinks he's a lot worse than he is, he's got reduced movement in his arm, can't really walk too far, but can easily do light chores and make sandwiches or easy dishes, but has got into the habit of me doing everything ( I know I'm also to blame because I actually do everything ) in the past if I've gotten ill he will sit and starve rather than making us food, we had a conversation about this and he promised to do better next time. Anyway, like I said I got a diagnosis last week, and I'm the type of person who works better if I allow myself time to spiral and then I have to fight. So I'd said to husband that I was allowing myself a week to feel sorry for myself and be scared, and then starting this week I had to fight and get myself better, I said to him that I needed his support, and that I refuse to do this by myself, I don't need him to give me special treatment, just be mindful of what I was going through, and step up a little. In the past seven days he's done the dishes once. That's it. When I reminded him he promised me, he asked for a list. I said he knows what needs doing and what he's capable of, and that no one makes me a list, I just see what needs doing and what I'm capable of, that I wasn't expecting him to deep clean every day. Even simple things like doing the dishes, checking how the laundry was getting on etc. Instead he does nothing and waits for me to do things, then declares he was ' just about to do it ', he's offering no physical or emotional help, he won't talk to me when I try to discuss my options he will just say ' it will all be OK ' or ' it will be fine '. So I've told him if he's going to make me go through this alone, I will file and go through it legally alone, he got upset about this and said it was cruel and he just needed a list. And before anyone says about stroke brains working different, at the start of each day I generally declare the things I plan to achieve in that day, so for example I'll do breakfast, make sure he's taken his pills and say like ' today I plan to clean the kitchen, do some laundry, sweep and mop the bathroom, if you wouldn't mind helping ' so the list is there anyway. EDIT TO ANSWER QUESTIONS Before the stroke he was very capable and was a single father ( with full custody ) for a bit before we got married He had a physical therapist but he was eventually fired from the program for refusing to engage. He also refuses to engage with a therapist. I've tried getting him to engage with telephone, in-person, even text therapy. He won't do it. He, himself, has admitted on more than one occasion that at this point he's 'waiting to end ' Further edit : HOW HAS THIS MADE IT ON TO TIKTOK SO FAST?!
