10/29/2025
For everyone battling cancer or enduring the pain of chemotherapy — for anyone facing this cruel disease — things are about to get very real, very quickly.
The picture I’m sharing was taken this morning. And before anyone judges or says, “Why would she post a photo of him wearing a pull-up? That’s indecent,” let me explain.
First, it shows no more than a pair of swim trunks would.
And second, because life isn’t always polished or picture-perfect. It’s raw, it’s hard — and cancer destroys everything in its path.
This morning, I carried Drake to the bathroom. Yes, he’s wearing a pull-up, because most of the time, he can’t control when he needs to go. His little body is skin and bones now — I have to beg him to eat even a single green bean for dinner, or to sip a cup of water through the day.
He sleeps beside me every night because he’s scared — scared something might happen while he’s alone. And by “something,” he means dying.
We have late-night talks where my 10-year-old asks if he’ll go to heaven when he dies, if he’ll see his dad there, if they’ll be able to talk and play together.
He’s too weak to walk or get out of bed, so I carry him, or he uses a wheelchair. He drifts off mid-conversation because he’s just too exhausted to stay awake. He throws up his medication and dry heaves because there’s nothing left in his stomach except a spoonful of yogurt I gave him to take his pills.
Last week alone, he took 44 chemotherapy pills in just 24 hours. He’s told me, “Mommy, I don’t think I’m going to make it.”
He doesn’t want to be touched because everything hurts. Morphine gets him through the day. He tells me he’s scared — scared he won’t live to see his 11th birthday.
And through it all, I tell him I’ll keep fighting for him — even when he’s too tired to fight for himself.
This is Drake. My Stinky Joe. My entire world.
From the moment I learned I was pregnant with him until forever, he has been my reason for living.
He is my smile, my laughter, my heartbeat.
He’s also my tears, my pain, and my deepest sorrow.
He is — and always will be — my life.
