10/16/2024
I don't even know where to start with this, but it's going to be very long. If you like to read, this is definitely a story for you. ๐ณ๐๐ค
When I first jumped headfirst into shxtposting, I was just doing what I do best. I was escaping. Life was difficult, but I was pushing through, and I needed a safe place to express parts of myself I was suppressing. I never imagined the whirlwind of chaos and wonder that would unfold. Never let anyone tell you that you cannot make meaningful connections online. I've never believed that to be true, and thankfully, I have met an incredible variety of people. Right back to the beginning of this journey.. my very first admin crush started at the same time of the craziest period of self destruction and transition ever. When I was surrounded by people who couldn't see me, a stranger online was there for me almost every single day through some really dark moments. Through that time, two very messed up and broken people became the absolute best of friends. We have hurt each other in absolutely awful ways, but I think if we were keeping score, I've dug a bit deeper.
If you asked me six months ago if I thought I would ever meet him face to face, I would have laughed and said not likely. I'm pretty cynical. But as scary as it was, we both made the commitments. Last month, he flew to me to make sure I got to see our favorite band. That was an incredible experience that he made possible by keeping me safe. Yesterday, I was on a plane hugging my human bill after an amazing excursion in NYC for the opening weekend of AoT the musical. On the car ride home, I saw a billboard for a comedian we both love, and I was immediately asking him to figure out how to make it out here. I'm still hella sleepy, and all I can think about is how absolutely amazing life is when you can experience the simplest of moments with someone you cherish. When I got off the plane Friday night, he knew I was a wreck. It was a very stressful week leading up to the flight, and the flight itself was a literal nightmare. Instead of letting me meltdown right there, he got me in the car, settled, and he just put an arm around me and pulled me close while he drove off. He instinctively knew I needed to feel that safety for even a little bit.
We are amazing together. Every single thing we do as a team has this beautiful cohesive energy. We don't even have to think about what we're doing because it's just natural. When something goes awful, and something always goes awful. That is just the way life is. We get through it somehow, and every single time I ask how do I keep going, the answer is we just do. Nothing in life is perfect, and nothing in life is easy. But every once in a while, you meet someone who makes the awful less bitter, the amazing more incredible, and the mundane magical. We've tried to classify and fit our relationship into some socially acceptable box, but we don't fit. We ARE best friends. He is my person. We are partners for life. I truly believe we broke some rules written somewhere by meeting in the first place. I've tried so many times to break away. He's tried so many times to break away (He'll never admit that because he was always determined to make it all perfect, somehow). We always come back. We've been ridiculously destructive in our personal lives, and the only area where we keep trying is... us. We were talking late Friday night, and he made a comment, "I bet you wish you could tell someone." I immediately started thinking of all the people I would talk to.
When I was alone, my brain wandered like it normally does. We both have stepped away from our pages because of so many complicated, awful, and messy reasons. And I know for me, coming back into the community was, at best, bittersweet because it's kinda always that reminder of what's transpired these past two years. We have had issues with our pages. I was having issues between us. I tried to make it so that I could pretend we didn't even know the other existed. He could do his thing, and I could do mine. I just ended up mad and resentful. We both describe our pages as spaces that we don't want to be in. All the while, we validate that the very best thing to come out of our pages was meeting each other.
So regardless of if this is my very last post, or a reawakening of my desire to shxtpost. I want this moment to be an opportunity for two people to celebrate how very far we've come. I want this post to scream how very happy and lucky I feel to have someone as excited to explore the world as I am; someone who genuinely wants to and makes the effort to make these experiences happen. I want this post to be a very tangible reminder that I know he is an incredible person, and I want him to see himself like I do. ๐ฉท๐ค
Chubby Bearded Nerdy Soft Pleasure Dom It wouldn't let me tag you until I liked you again *hmph*
