09/15/2023
This is a fantastic example of evaluating what works and what doesn’t in our daily and weekly routines! A situation can’t improve until we take some time to think about it. While these examples focus on helping kids with executive functioning, the same principles work for adults. 🙌
One of the most effective ways to teach kids executive functioning skills is to narrate your thought processes to them aloud. By 4th-5th grade, they’ve typically mastered the tasks themselves (hanging up backpacks, putting homework in their folders, completing chores), so we should accelerate and teach them how to mentally manage and own all of these tasks.
This mental time management, prioritization, and problem-solving is critical to their overall success as adults, both in daily life and in the workplace.
We’re a few weeks into the new school year. Today, we did a quick “temperature check” of how things are going with the systems and routines we’ve each put in place for ourselves.
Me: “Let’s think about the mornings - how do they feel overall?” They recalled we made it on time most mornings but we were late twice.
Me: “What made us late those days?”
They realized it was worse on trash-and-recycle mornings. I asked what adjustments they think we should make. They adjusted the Google calendar and Alexa reminders to ensure both get taken taken out the night before instead.
D said he can’t stand eating breakfast next to Little Sis who smacks and slurps her cereal.
Me: “What are some options?” He suggested he be allowed to eat in the living room instead. Yeah, no dice, Buddy. He asked if I could keep her upstairs longer to do her hair/shoes so he can finish breakfast before she comes down. “Let’s try it.”
One son made adjustments to his folder systems because apparently he’s received some zeros. The other rearranged when he visits his locker so he’s not carrying a soccer ball to class after lunch.
”What about later in the week?” We decided to add another gallon of milk to our online grocery order so we don’t run out. We shall see - I’ll check in with them again after the first report card comes out.
I want my kids to realize that I’m here to lead them, not criticize them when they drop the ball. I’m not punishing those zeros; I’m helping problem solve how to prevent them. The rest of their lives will be a series of attempts, failures, adjustments, course-corrections and re-sets. It’s okay to realize something isn’t working and try something else. This is how we learn and adapt. We do it together.
By narrating our thought processes, we teach them to think and plan ahead and strengthen their process-orientation. We help them realize they have agency and control over their own bodies, lives, and outcomes. We reinforce once again that we are NOT the owners of their rhythms and processes - they are.
{Image description: white text on black background reads: “Our kids need us to reject “us versus them” thinking, and compassionately embrace a posture of togetherness. - Ryan North}