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The Plantain is a satirical (meaning fake) publication. This Facebook account publishes parodies.

Should a reader upon sober reflection, think or believe that anything contained in any post on its web site or any posts made on its page are in any way true, they are mistaken and should relieve and abandon themselves of that idiotic notion immediately. Anyone who concludes otherwise ought to stay away from this site forever and may want to consider instead seeking immediate help, attention or treatment.

06/25/2026

We taught the Tartan Army Miamisms, and it went exactly like you think it did. What’s your favorite Miamism? Any we missed? Drop em 👇

04/24/2026

Jackson Memorial Hospital’s new emergency room doors are now open — and if there’s one thing our doctors know, it’s that X-rays in Miami can reveal some very unexpected surprises.

In the third and final episode of Very Miami Emergencies, ’s emergency medicine team shared some unforgettable X-rays they’ve come across working in the ER.

At Jackson, emergency medicine means being prepared for absolutely everything — and anything — that might show up on an X-ray, from plantains to keys, and so much more. With the new ER now open, that readiness just got even stronger.

So if you find yourself encountering a Very Miami Emergency – remember that you’re in great hands at Jackson Memorial’s new ER.

Genius!
04/24/2026

Genius!

Everyone knows that best way to support Miamians is to hire anyone but Miamians
04/24/2026

Everyone knows that best way to support Miamians is to hire anyone but Miamians

A local Miami man has been telling anyone who will listen that he is moving to California “like, yesterday.”Friends and ...
04/23/2026

A local Miami man has been telling anyone who will listen that he is moving to California “like, yesterday.”

Friends and family of Jimmy Jameson, 27, of Coconut Grove, report that he has been increasingly bad-mouthing Miami, and his threats to pack his bags and leave Florida for good have increased, up 600% from last year.

The Plantain reached out to Mr. Jameson to get a first-hand account of his brave and original declaration that he was planning to ditch Miami for the West Coast.

“I can’t stand it here anymore man, and I don’t know how anyone can. This place is a dump. I’m sick of the trash humans, the trash drivers, the trash trash, the fact that the sun is always out, the superficiality, the insane cost of living, the dirty beaches, the homeless people everywhere, the whole thing, which is why I’m moving to LA,” he ranted dangerously.

“I’m going to move somewhere I’ll never deal with any of those issues again,” said Mr. Jameson of Los Angeles, a City with literally all of those issues. “California is a place where I know I’ll magically become happy the second I get there!”

We asked Mr. Jameson if he had visited California before, to which he replied that he had not, but that “you can totally get the vibe of the place from like, the TV, and the way people talk about it – the way people on the TV talk about it. It’s just THE place man.”

We caught up with Mr. Jameson by phone a month later to see if he had completed this move. “I’m leaving right the f**k now, like seriously right this second. I’m literally packing my bags as we speak, bitch,” he raved at our reporter.

However, on following up with Mr. Jameson’s manager at Subway, we were informed he was booked to work shifts for the next two weeks.

Next week we speak to an LA resident who is planning to move to Miami for all the same reasons.

04/10/2026

In episode two of Very Miami Emergencies, Jackson Health System’s emergency medicine team shared some of the most uniquely Miami cases they’ve seen — from shark bites and dolphin attacks to a machete-wielding abuelita (seriously).

Emergency medicine at Jackson Health System is about more than just caring for patients – it’s about making the human connection that’s at the heart of great medicine. And in a city like this, you never know what’s coming next — which is why Jackson keeps raising the bar, now with a new ER to match.

So if you find yourself encountering a Very Miami Emergency involving machetes, dolphins, plantains or anything else, remember: Jackson’s ready for you.

Jamaican Paul honored with statue outside of cocowalk
04/10/2026

Jamaican Paul honored with statue outside of cocowalk

Trump Presidential Library to Honor American Literature With Rare 1987 Penthouse Copy Featuring Trump Q&A
03/31/2026

Trump Presidential Library to Honor American Literature With Rare 1987 Penthouse Copy Featuring Trump Q&A

Trump Presidential Library to Honor American Literature With Rare 1987 Penthouse Copy Featuring Trump Q&A
03/31/2026

Trump Presidential Library to Honor American Literature With Rare 1987 Penthouse Copy Featuring Trump Q&A

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