08/12/2026
Excerpt from: New Book of Kings
Practice makes permanent. Tiannah taught me that. It seems so apt for describing discipline. But I haven't been practicing permanence of any discipline. I have been practicing not disappearing. How q***r! To practice not erasing myself from my own life. Is that really a thing? Do other people really do this? It cannot be just me.
One of the reasons I relate to men so much is that self erasure seems to be the thorn of masculinity. Men aren't supposed to feel. They're not suppose to want. They're supposed to protect everyone at the expense of themselves. You can lean into him but he can't lean into you. He can't be vulnerable because that means he's weak. If he takes rest he's lazy. If he gets sick he'll pop back up. The same way I would, even if l got hit by a truck.
Society has made these lewd expectations, and standards have been set. Standards that I do not even think can be met. I can relate to men. But I AM quite feminine. It just hasn't been fully expressed. If I can function so well in my masculine, because life has required me to, then I wonder how much better I could function in my feminine if life allowed me to.
Expressing my femininity doesn't have to make me less of LaTigresa. I AM already strong. I AM courageous and intelligent. I know how to exercise discernment. What is femininity supposed to be?
Stereotypically, it seems like it is likened unto overt sexuality, gold digging, coercion, fake beauty, material things. What kind of example is this of femininity? I AM nurturing, creative, with depth and breadth and great capacity. I see through. I feel everything. I AM a pillar of strength. I cannot be moved. I draw out of people what is good and what is true. I can adapt to anyone or any thing. I AM very committed. I have the capacity to endure and the capacity to give. I can give so much, even if I only get a little bit. I have faith in a vision that is greater than my sight. For what I love and not what I want is why | fight. I do not flaunt my body like a weapon, though! take great care to condition my body and properly present myself. I AM happiest when I can be of help.
