06/09/2026
You might not immediately warm to Hendrik Groen.
He’s grumpy, cantankerous, and has no patience for his fellow residents in the care home where he lives. He complains about everything; the terrible food, the patronizing activities, the smell of old people.
But stick with him, because under that cranky surface is a fighter, a survivor, and someone with a surprisingly big heart. This book made me laugh out loud and cry actual tears, sometimes on the same page.
What I love about this diary is how real it feels. Hendrik is honest about his failing body, his fading memory, the indignities of losing independence. But he’s also honest about still wanting to live. At 83, he refuses to just sit around waiting to die. So he starts the Old-But-Not-Dead Club with a few fellow residents, and they proceed to cause delightful chaos; sneaking out for unauthorized trips, smuggling in contraband, and generally refusing to behave like “good” elderly people.
This book reminded me that age is just a number, and life doesn’t have to be over just because you’re in a care home.
1. You’re Not Dead Until You’re Actually Dead
The biggest lesson in this book is right there in the club’s name: Old-But-Not-Dead. Hendrik and his friends refuse to act like their lives are over just because they’re old. They still want adventures, romance, good food, fun. They’re still fully human with desires and opinions and mischief in their hearts. This changed how I think about elderly people. I used to see them as somehow separate from me, like they’d stopped being real people with full inner lives. This book demolished that idea. Getting old doesn’t mean you stop being yourself. Your body might fail, but your spirit doesn’t have to.
2. Friendship at Any Age Is What Saves You
The friendships in this book absolutely destroyed me. These people show up for each other in ways that made me sob. They’re loyal, funny, honest, and there when it counts. What hit me hardest is that these are friendships formed late in life, when both people know time is limited. There’s an urgency and sweetness to how they care for each other. This taught me that it’s never too late to make real friends. You can find your people at 20 or at 80, and those connections matter just as much. Maybe more, because you know how precious they are.
3. Small Acts of Rebellion Keep You Human
One of my favorite things about this book is how Hendrik and his friends break small rules constantly. They’re just refusing to be treated like children or furniture. Every little rebellion is an assertion of autonomy, a way of saying “I’m still a person who makes my own choices.” This lesson stuck with me. Sometimes saying no to things that diminish you is the most important thing you can do. You don’t have to be loud or dramatic. Just quietly insist on your own dignity.
4. Humor Is How You Survive the Hard Stuff
Hendrik faces death, illness, loneliness, and loss throughout this diary. Friends die. His body betrays him. But he keeps his sense of humor about all of it. He makes jokes about walkers and writes hilarious observations about his fellow residents. This isn’t him pretending everything’s fine, it is him choosing not to let the darkness win. After reading this, I started using humor differently in my own hard times. Not to avoid pain, but to keep it from swallowing me whole. You can laugh and cry at the same time. Both are valid responses to being alive.
5. Living Fully Means Taking Risks Until the End
What I love most about Hendrik is that he keeps taking chances. He could play it safe, follow all the rules, stay in his room. Instead, he falls in love, goes on trips that worry the staff, tries new things that scare him. His attitude is basically: I’m old, what’s the worst that can happen? This shook something loose in me. I spend so much time avoiding risk, waiting for the perfect moment. But Hendrik understands that the right time is always now. Every day you choose safety over living is a day you don’t get back.
“The Secret Diary of Hendrik Groen” is funny without being silly, touching without being sentimental, and honest without being depressing. It reads like an actual diary; the entries are short and natural, and you genuinely forget you’re reading fiction.
There’s something charming about not knowing who the real author is (it’s a pseudonym and the true identity is still unknown). It adds to the feeling that maybe this really is just some old guy in Amsterdam writing down his life.
But here’s what really got me: this book made me think differently about aging and elderly people. I used to be scared of getting old. Now I see it could actually be pretty great if you approach it with Hendrik’s attitude.
The book also made me more aware of older people in my own life. Since reading it, I’ve made more effort to actually talk to elderly people I encounter, to see them as full human beings with rich inner lives, not just obstacles moving slowly in front of me.
This book is hilarious and heartbreaking in equal measure. It’s full of “gooey friendship stuff” but in the best way. It will make you laugh, it will make you cry (I cried as hard as I do at Pixar movies), and it will make you want to age disgracefully when your time comes.
PS: If you love grumpy-old-man stories like A Man Called Ove, read this. If you want something that’s both light and meaningful, read this. If you just need a reminder that life is worth celebrating at every age, absolutely read this. Hendrik Groen is the kind of character who grows on you until you can’t imagine life without him. This book is a gift.