Family Solutions of WI

03/16/2022

As I always say...divorced or not...you are still a family to our children. They learn so much from us by the way we interact respectfully as co-parents. Check out the following podcast !!
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1245911/9526678-our-happy-divorce-how-to-make-the-family-work-when-the-relationship-doesn-t

Go to http://www.patreon.com/mrchazz to get access to 1 on 1 coaching and 20+ hours of content and helpful resources.

01/07/2021

How great to teach kids how to disagree in healthy ways!!!

Emotional Intelligence and accepting all feelings 🙌 Posted • .counseling.for.parents ✨Arguments happen in a family and it is (or with some work, it can be) healthy and normal✨.

💫Follow along with Stephen and Erin .counseling.for.parents for simple tips to strengthen your family by strengthening your couple relationship.💫

Many of us grew up in houses where fighting was not healthy; where fighting either did not happen🤐 “at least not in front of us kids” or was really scary😡. In both cases these kids often grow into adults who are uncomfortable with disagreements😶 (either try to stuff their frustrated feelings or express them in ways where they aren’t comfortable and can feel out of control🤯), and then often they grow into parents who do not want their kids to have to deal with the discomfort of fighting.😩

🌱But there is at least one other option. 🌱As parents we can show our kids how to disagree with 👉respect for ourself👈 and for 👉our partner👈. 📍We can model disagreements that are honest and also not scary📍.

💕We can teach our kids they too can express themselves in an honest and respectful way💕.

🤔What kinds of houses did you and your partner grow up in? Were arguments nonexistent, healthy, scary?

❓What story is your kid learning about what arguments look like? What do you like about that story? And what would you like to shift?

12/17/2020

What is remarkable about both tots and teens is how they are developmentally being thrust forward to evolve as separate beings. For the toddler a sense of self is just beginning, while for the teen, they should be moving to assume a critical role in their own unfolding as a separate self. Despite the age difference between them, the goals in parenting them are still the same: to support them and be patient with their immaturity, offer warmth, and be generous in our caretaking. While their bodies and psychologies are getting more robust, they still need what they have always needed from us.
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Both tots and teens still need adult relationships and although this may be expressed differently at each age, the need is still there. Our children need to see there is a desire to be close to them, warmth as we listen and give them our undivided attention, and tangible signs that we are holding onto to them. We need to find our way to their side and continue to cultivate our relationship with them, from shared hobbies to activities like eating dinner or playing together. There is no right way to communicate to a child we care, it is about letting our relationship evolve so that we are still the refuge they seek and are positioned to help them with feelings that arise as a result of healthy growth.
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Dr. Deborah MacNamara
Read more on how to secure attachment and support authenticity -> http://macnamara.ca/portfolio/tots-and-teens-three-developmental-themes-they-share-in-common/

Meme Quote:

with love,
Lelia.
💓www.LeliaSchott.com 💓
Conscious Coaching, Compassionate Counselling & Connected Parenting Courses.

11/10/2020

🔸Discipline is all about teaching. 🔸 Punishing your child for their behavior doesn’t teach them the skills necessary for the behavior to change. Toddlers need support in processing their emotions, regulating their behavior, and learning skills to meet your expectations.
Oftentimes it comes down to the fact that toddlers live in the moment and lack impulse control.📍When something piques their curiosity it’s going to take more than a simple “stop that” to break them away from their moment. And telling a toddler ‘not to do something’ doesn’t help them understand what they CAN do instead.
It’s up to the adult to pause and consider what it is you would like your little one to do instead and then communicate it clearly. 📣 Also, the best way to teach skills is to model the skills for your toddler and help them practice.
For example;
🔻“Stop running” becomes “Let’s walk beside the pool”. You may need to go over to your toddler and hold their hand to help them slow down.
🔹“Don’t touch that” becomes “Please put your hands down and look with your eyes.” You may need to go further and teach your toddler to clasp their hands together, or put their hands in their pocket, or hold your hand to help them meet the expectation.
🌟It’s also important to remember that there is a difference between a young toddler’s abilities and the abilities of an older toddler. As children grow, they are able to redirect easier. However this takes time (and patience on our end).
Tag a friend who could use more support in the toddler years and follow as well!

11/09/2020

It is difficult for a parent to guide a child when they have so much resentment and frustration that their heart has hardened towards their child.
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It is difficult for a child to follow a parent if they have so much mistrust or hurt that they have instinctively hardened their heart towards their parent.
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Parents cannot rise in their role and children can rest in their role without a heart to heart connection.
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We are all born with soft, trusting hearts. It hardens in an attempt at protection.
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When dependency needs and vulnerability are met with hostility or unavailability it’s instinctive to avoid sensitivity and accountability.
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Why would we admit our needs, feelings and problems to those punishing us for having them?
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When it doesn't feel safe to be authentic or attached, the brain instinctively moves to relieve the pain by suppressing vulnerable feelings.
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The heart begins to harden and even receiving love can be too much to accept.
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Vulnerability without trust is an uncomfortable feeling.
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Shutting off and lashing out are attempts at protecting and defending against vulnerability.
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What a child needs most is to feel accepted and safe in the more vulnerable position of being dependent, until maturity.
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What a parent needs most is to feel self-acceptance and sturdy enough in the more responsible position of being dependable, despite vulnerability.
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Through the art of connection, compassion, protection, affection and conscious communication we nurture a safe space for each family member to conserve soft hearts and cultivate strong minds and relationships.

With love,
Lelia

🤍 www.LeliaSchott.com 🤍

NEW PARENT COURSE ONLINE
https://calendly.com/synergy-lelia/online-parenting-wellness-course

11/09/2020

Hearing your toddler cry about their “favorite blue cup that’s dirty” can feel hard to manage on the hardest of days. There’s no judgement here about losing your patience, adults are allowed to have big emotions too. I want to call attention to the idea of overly and consistently disregarding a toddler’s big feelings just because adults don’t immediately see the reason why.
When we shut down a behavior that makes us feel uncomfortable we are also shutting down the emotion. Perhaps your toddler is upset about their favorite cup because of a million things that have brought up emotions up until that point in the day. It’s not even about the cup. We can’t support toddlers or teach them the tools to process their feelings if we aren’t willing to acknowledge that their feelings are valid. It doesn’t matter “why”.
Acknowledging and accepting how a child feels without trying to change it, tells them that it’s ok to have feelings and be themselves. Feelings are not something that needs to be fixed, rather they are a normal personal expression. And are useful signals to let us know how people are doing on the inside.
When you welcome your child’s feelings, they can pour them out, and then start to pass more quickly. What would you lose by allowing your toddler to have big feelings, supporting them, and showing unconditional love?
Do you struggle with seeing your toddler have big feelings?

10/20/2020

Connections and relationships are the most powerful nourishment we can give our kids!

Children’s brains are underdeveloped and hardwired for attachment to ensure their needs are met.

Punishment disconnects the heart of a child and parent. It dehumanizes. It may work temporarily because a child will do almost anything to avoid feeling disconnected emotionally from their guardians. Children want to do what’s right, they may not have the tools to do so, yet.

As a parent, we can look for the need behind a child's behavior and help them to understand how to fulfill that need morally.

Empathy grows EQ (emotional intelligence) which helps us imagine how another person is feeling, inspiring us to treat them how we would like to be treated. Punishment hinders EQ which also numbs the heart to empathy which is why the discomfort does not truly teach the heart. Most children learn how to avoid punishment, without truly learning how to empathize and choose morally from the heart.

Summary:
Connection is a child's greatest need and an adult's most effective influence.
Punishment disconnects and uses a child's immediate need and adult’s long term influence against each other.
Punishment may lessen the effect (behavior) but will intensify the cause (unmet needs)

To help children learn how to behave better adults need to learn how to relate better.

It’s a process and it's perfectly normal not to have all the answers all the time. The goal is to keep learning as we are growing.

with love,
LeliaSchott.com

🌲Parent Pedagogy & Therapy🌲

08/12/2020

Ways adults can help children develop emotional :

03/13/2020

There are many threatening and frightening things that happen to individuals whose relationship ends up in separation or divorce. A successful divorce is one in which the parents divorce each other but do not require the child to divorce one of the parents.

08/26/2019

So many negotiations in co-parenting! Family Mediators can help think of all those small decisions on rasing children cooperatively!

https://www.wusa9.com/video/entertainment/television/programs/great-day-washington/how-to-split-back-to-school-expenses-in-a-divorced-family/65-a29c85d3-9ce6-4e7b-b0a7-dd5937d96002

When it comes to back-to-school expenses a lot of times it can be left out of a divorce settlement but it's often an expensive time of year for a divorced family with kids. Alan Plevy, Family Law Attorney at Smolen Plevy, gives the top tips on how to split back-to-school spending for parents.

06/19/2019

Kids really are resilent as long as they are wholly loved by both parents. Creating a mutually agreeable parenting plan done peacefully is the key!!!

In this episode: Janet responds to the step parent of a three-and-a-half year old, who is concerned because the child's life is split between two households. She feels the situation “creates a very confusing climate for the child, who is...

05/30/2019

Separating lives doesn't have to be adversarial! It can be compassionate and healing......
Call Family Solutions of WI and find out how we can help in the co-parenting process.

This article is designed to shift how we manage people in emotionally intense situations.

05/21/2019

Divorcing amicably is possible and all about choices. Learn the 5 things you must do to have an amicable and peaceful divorce now.

03/24/2019

Love and Logic Class

01/07/2019

Parent Coaching with Family Solutions! Call for a free consultation! 414-666-1396

New parents have always had people to offer advice on how to handle a sleepless child or colicky baby, but usually the help came from family or a book. Now they're hiring strangers. What's really behind the "parenting coach" trend?

01/07/2019

I love the phrase "Partners in Parenting". Mediation can be such a healing process. Give us (Family Soluitons of WI) a call!
https://www.azfamily.com/shows/good_morning_arizona/the-new-divorce-the-mediation-generation/article_764b111e-d2ca-11e8-a324-d31dd43cddba.html?fbclid=IwAR0lbkucXGp-lEMyFdAAqkHSE48fmjQC2vtBQRyJbtezNSA7nbGOpVvyPLI

The traditional model of retaining two attorneys and "going to the races" down the litigation track does not make sense for a lot of couples these days. However, many still

12/12/2018

Yes! Mediation is a CONFLICT HEALER! It nurtures your health, wealth and children's' wellbeing! Call Family Solutions 414-666-1396

The traditional model of retaining two attorneys and "going to the races" down the litigation track does not make sense for a lot of couples these days. However, many still

11/19/2018

There are so many PEACEFUL and effective ways to problem solve a divorce! Talk to us....before your attorney!

The traditional model of retaining two attorneys and "going to the races" down the litigation track does not make sense for a lot of couples these days. However, many still