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Islamica News Islamica News is a satirical publication. Most Content/Characters/Events on this page are fictitious. Or the exact opposite of that.

Islamica News is a humorous and satirical publication brought to you by Islamica Corporation. Since 1999, Islamica News has been providing valuable reporting, insights and analysis of Muslim culture.

Heavily bandaged “to keep the Sharia from spreading,” Governor Greg Abbot announced Friday that the mysterious Islamic m...
08/22/2026

Heavily bandaged “to keep the Sharia from spreading,” Governor Greg Abbot announced Friday that the mysterious Islamic menace he’s been warning Texans about has now invaded his vital organs.

Abbot, deflecting from his poor record and fervent support for Israel, claimed Sharia Law had “burrowed into my pancreas” and was “threatening to seize my freedom-loving liver.”

Doctors noted nothing he said resembled reality, but Abbot dismissed them as “pro-Sharia medics” and demanded a full-body exorcism “before it reaches my constitution.”

Follow Islamica News before it spreads to the medulla oblongata.

The Onion Yasir Qadhi Omar Suleiman

Worshippers at a suburban Chicago mosque were stunned to discover that the only person to park correctly last Friday was...
08/22/2026

Worshippers at a suburban Chicago mosque were stunned to discover that the only person to park correctly last Friday was an armed Islamophobe who showed up to place a pig’s head 10 feet from the entrance.

“He pulled that giant Ford F-550 full of xenophobic bumper stickers, perfectly between the lines on his first try,” said mosque member Imran Siddiqui, whose Toyota Sienna was blocking four cars and half a fire lane. “We knew immediately he wasn’t here for Friday prayers.”

Despite the disturbing incident, several congregants reportedly stopped to admire the parking job.

“Straight, centered, plenty of room on both sides,” said another worshipper, whose Lexus was parked partly on a neighboring lawn. “The hatred was appalling. The parking was exceptional.”

The F-550 was eventually towed, freeing a single legal parking space that was immediately occupied by two minivans and a Camry.

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The Onion Zeteo Mehdi Hasan

08/21/2026

🎥 Watch the full trailer on YouTube. Link in profile and trailer posted on IG! 🎬

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Zeteo

08/20/2026

Hasachah Trailer: Hasachah in hebrew means diversion of the mind, or “distraction.” In this day and age, everything is by design. Nothing is by coincidence.

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Mehdi Hasan

08/15/2026

Happy Pakistan Independence Day (day late but on time per DST)

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Despite its reputation as a leader in the false-flag industry, including the Lavon Affair, Israel reportedly remains und...
08/13/2026

Despite its reputation as a leader in the false-flag industry, including the Lavon Affair, Israel reportedly remains undecided about planning another 9/11, citing concerns that the original was simply too much work.

“Strategically, fantastic results,” said one intelligence official, gesturing toward a map of two decades of American wars in the Middle East. “But the logistics were a f*****g nightmare.”

Officials reportedly agreed that while another massive attack could once again rally American public opinion, expand U.S. military involvement, and destabilize regional adversaries, modern alternatives were considerably easier.

“Planes, hijackers, cover stories, investigations… it’s exhausting,” said one official. “Now we just tell Washington something is an existential threat and they send the money.”

“Yeah, f*** it. Let Congress handle it.”

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The Onion

President Donald Trump reportedly escaped a security threat in Turkey Tuesday by disguising himself as a turkey and spri...
08/12/2026

President Donald Trump reportedly escaped a security threat in Turkey Tuesday by disguising himself as a turkey and sprinting toward Air Force One.

“Nobody’s looking for a 250-pound turkey,” Trump reportedly told Secret Service agents while adjusting his feathers. “They’re looking for Trump. Very smart.”

The disguise worked, with Turkish security reportedly dismissing the fleeing bird as “too ridiculous to be important.”

White House officials called the operation a success, proving that sometimes the best way to escape Turkey is to not be the brightest bird.

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The Onion

Alarm spread through Democratic leadership after a string of progressive primary victories sparked fears that the party ...
08/11/2026

Alarm spread through Democratic leadership after a string of progressive primary victories sparked fears that the party may be drifting toward candidates voters actually want.

“This is exactly the kind of overcorrection we’ve warned about,” said one anxious strategist. “If we keep nominating people who spend all their time talking about healthcare, housing costs, wages, and affordability, where does it end?”

“We’re accustomed to losing entirely winnable races in innovative new ways,” one consultant explained. “Now these people are showing up talking about prescription drug prices and rent. It’s reckless.”

Others warned that shifting away from long-held establishment positions on controversial foreign policy issues could alienate influential donors while simultaneously making the party more popular with its own voters, a trade-off several officials called “politically dangerous.”

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The Onion All United Dr. Abdul El-Sayed Zeteo Mehdi Hasan

Election year? Time to amp it way up! Raise the fear mongering. Open up the coffers. Activate the disinformation campaig...
08/06/2026

Election year? Time to amp it way up! Raise the fear mongering. Open up the coffers. Activate the disinformation campaigns. It’s time to cash in on those funding checks. If you’re seeing it in your feeds, you know why!

Dial in to Islamica News for truths.

The Onion

Insisting he was “just hanging out,” Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was spotted lingering next to American vo...
08/05/2026

Insisting he was “just hanging out,” Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was spotted lingering next to American voting booths Tuesday with the unmistakable demeanor of a landlord checking on his tenants.

Witnesses said Netanyahu spent the day whistling casually, sipping coffee, and occasionally peeking over voters’ shoulders to offer helpful observations such as, “Oh, don’t vote for that guy, he’s Hamas.”

When one voter questioned why a foreign leader was hovering around an American election, Netanyahu reportedly froze before replying, “Woah… what are you, antisemitic?”

Netanyahu was reportedly seen leaving the polling place after declaring, “Looks good,” and reminding aides to “send another thank-you card to Congress, and a gentle reminder on who pays their bills.”

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The Onion

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