08/07/2014
Hey guys, just wanted to share the start of a new work with you. Any feedback would be appreciated!
Everyone has their secrets, there is no doubting that. However, it is the secrets we keep from ourselves, the little morsels of truth that we fear to look at that can really define who we are. This is a thought that I have been carrying with me for a very long time: how can I keep secrets from myself? Shouldn’t I know myself better than anybody else? Simply put, the answer is no. There is always going to be that one shred of shadow, that one piece of canvas that we, as humans, continually fail to recognize. It is in that piece of ourselves that we will be able to find out who we are. It is almost like a test of self-recognition to be able to understand what we are hiding from our minds. Is it who we really are? Could it be a terrible truth to our past that we have locked away forever? Only when we see ourselves for who and what we are, can we begin to uncover the truth in our souls.
Or some bu****it like that. I wasn’t really paying attention when the guest speaker was talking, I was more interested in checking to see if my friends had made it to class. We had this amazing party planned, and everyone from our dorm was going to attend. It’s not like I needed the class credits anyways; it was a blow off class, one that could slide under the GPA radar with a C- and I would still graduate on time. Besides, who takes “World Spirituality” for fun? I scoped the room out and apparently all the other students had the same idea; hell, half of the attending student body was sleeping, and the other half were looking for ways to sneak out without being caught. I, however, was doodling mindless things into my notebook to make it appear as if I were interested. The speaker was finally finished, ending on the high note of self-awareness at the moment of death. As she stepped out from behind the podium I started a slow clap for her, just to appease the effort she put into standing in front of the group and droning on about this mindless pitch. The rest of the class soon followed my lead and the speaker beamed with enthusiasm. The end of the period came after another mind dulling 45 minutes. As I exited the class, I felt a small tug on my shoulder. I turned around, expecting Jake from my dorm room to be behind me. I jumped back with a surprised yelp as the speaker came into view. “Don’t underestimate the power of mindless doodles, for they hold the power to shape worlds, minds, and hearts.” I didn’t know what to say, so I thanked the speaker for her words of wisdom. I was about to turned back around as she continued, this time, her voice felt like fire to my ears and I became paralyzed for no reason. I was being compelled to listen to her; since I couldn’t remove myself from the situation, I thought it best to take in what she was saying. “You must prepare for your transcendence, for the time of awakening is nearly upon you. Find me when you are ready, you will know where to look. Suddenly, the professor was tapping my shoulder and skiing if I was okay. Startled, I asked him if he heard what the speaker said; he answered “You kidding, I was just as bored as the rest of you lot. Some of the nonsense these people come up with is just ridiculous! Now, if you’ll please be moving on. Class has been over for nearly 20 minutes and I have just enough time to eat my lunch before going to chapel.” I thought he was joking, but as I looked at my watch I realized he was right. How could time just pass me by like that? Class literally just ended, and then I was stopped by the speaker. The more I thought about it, the more my head hurt. The more my head hurt, the less appealing advanced calculous looked; after all that was my next class. I decided to take a sick day from that horrid, math filled hell, and went back to my dorm. I laid down to take a nap, and hoped to be able to digest what happened. What did that crazy lady mean? What do doodles have power over? Where the hell did my beer stash go? It was a very tumultuous day. Somehow, the night was even stranger.
I woke up, realizing I had slept through both calculous and English literature. I then noticed that I was awake around 3am, my dorm room door was open, my lights were off, but somehow I was able to see perfectly. I thought I must still be dreaming, because that was the only explanation for what happened next. Keep in mind, reverting back to the “I must be dreaming” line is the only possible reason for weird phenomenon. The speaker from earlier in the day was standing in my doorway. She was surrounded by a strangely familiar pattern of light, and seemed to be floating. I was also convinced by this point that my roommate had somehow slipped a molly in me and was about to take advantage of my fragile state. This was not the case. She spoke, and again my ears burned and I was paralyzed. “This is your hour, you need to be brave, strong, and willing to break from the chains of mortality. Can you do this?” I felt my head nod in the affirmative. Did I mention yet that I had actually died? No? Well, spoilers…The woman who was floating in my doorway was coming ever closer, the light around her began to dance on my face, although it didn’t seem to bother my eyes at all. It was bright, warm, and had a familial sensation; like when you give your grandmother a hug after not seeing her for months on end. She also seemed to radiate this smell of fresh dew on the grass, something I have become accustomed to after going to the frat parties just off campus. She was right in front of me, I could have touched her if I wasn’t paralyzed. Then, with a sudden raising of her arms I began to feel week. The world began to close in on me, and darkness was swirling in the corners of my eyes. The last thing I noticed, the only thing I could focus on, was how beautiful this woman looked. Surrounded by light, floating through the air; she was an angle, a goddess, a pointed truth in my world of lies. As I closed my eyes for the last time, the sun rose and its rays broke through my window. I remember feeling its warmth, and then nothing.
I was very surprised when I woke up. Although, it wasn’t like waking up, more like just being alive. I felt like an empty shell, but my body was mostly intact. I say mostly because as I looked around me, I couldn’t help but notice that I was missing an arm, a leg, and a few other unmentionable pieces (you already know). I wasn’t worried or upset about it because honestly, I never used it for anything besides pi***ng my name into the snow. The one time I came close to actually having s*x, the girl ran out of the room laughing so hard she had pi**ed her pants. It’s safe to say I wasn’t that impressive when I was n**e. However, I was curious as to how I came to be missing my human accessories. I clearly remembered being in one piece when I died, but that could have been a lie I told myself to make me feel better. I tried to think back, but te more I did, the more the thoughts and memories surrounding my demise became blurry and unrecognizable. It did make sense that I would have died if those extremities were ripped from my body (blood loss and all), but how could a floating light woman rip an arm off in one tug? I was about to find out, and if my being dead didn’t make you question all you know, then this certainly will.
