12/02/2025
🖤
Dear Mom,
I know you’re tired. Your child’s addiction is tearing you apart. You avoid people who ask questions because, honestly, you don’t have answers. How does one explain what it’s like to watch their precious child struggle with addiction?
You’ve kissed your child's face a thousand times. You’ve watched them sleep and held their hand when they learned to walk. You taught them to look both ways before crossing the street. You made sure they wore their helmet and buckled their seatbelt. You’ve been their number one cheerleader, and no one will ever love your child as you do. Once upon a time, you could fix it all, but now, you can’t.
Dear Mom,
You're afraid and so, so sad. Only you don’t tell people that. You don’t want your friends feeling sorry for you or judging your child. So instead, you suck it up, put on a brave face, and carry on.
While other mothers talk about their child's graduation or newest baby, you’re waiting beside your phone, praying it will ring. You want to hear your child’s voice and know they made it through another day.
Dear Mom,
You wonder where you went wrong. You search your mind for tell-tale signs you might have missed. Looking back, you try to make sense of how you got here. Maybe addiction is in your DNA? Maybe grandpa passed it on? He liked to drink. Or was it your husband? The one who seldom drank, but when he did, went way overboard. Or maybe it was the neighbor’s kid, the one who introduced your child to smoking w**d?
You read bedtime stories and checked under their bed for monsters, but you never dreamed a monster lived INSIDE your child. This monster wears your child's face, lies in your child’s voice, moves your child’s body, and hijacks your child’s mind. This monster is addiction.
Your child isn’t the only one with a monster. You’ve changed, too. You drag yourself through the days, longing for bedtime, where you can find relief through sleep. Your mask is starting to slip. You’re mad at everyone. While friends and family move on with their lives, you're stuck. The anger that covers your pain suffocates everything good in your life.
Dear Mom, hold on.
Stop beating yourself up. You didn’t cause this disease, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. But there is something you can do. Please reach out for help. Do not allow your child’s addiction to destroy and control you. Instead, learn how to love your child without enabling their illness. You need safe people in your life who have walked in your shoes and can provide you with emotional support. Feelings that remain hidden become a toxic wasteland of resentments and self-pity. You won’t help your child by becoming sick, too.
Dear Mom, your child’s addiction isn’t about you.
Addiction has nothing to do with the love between a parent and their child. Substance use disorder is a brain disease that leads to alterations in the structure and functioning of the cerebral cortex. Addiction causes long-lasting changes to the brain's reward, stress, and executive control systems. It hijacks the reward pathway, and impairs areas responsible for decision-making and judgment. These changes result in compulsive drug-seeking behavior, intense cravings, and difficulty maintaining sobriety.
Dear Mom, one of the hardest things you will ever do is let go.
Not of your child, but of their illness. Let go of how you thought things should be and accept what is. Let go of the urge to fix, control, and rescue them. Let go of over-functioning on their behalf because allowing your child to feel the consequences of their actions will encourage them to seek help sooner.
Dear Mom, it’s natural to feel a little broken.
Be kind to yourself. Erase the old negative tapes and insert new positive ones. No matter how many times you hear it’s not your fault, your mother’s heart will not believe it. Guilt is usual, but try to believe anyway.
Dear Mom, addiction is a family illness.
You can’t love your child well, but you can influence their outcome. Someone has to make the hard choices. Be open to learning and doing new things. Don’t wait for your sick child to ask for help. Lead the way. Show your child there's no shame in getting help. Check out family meetings. Attend a family program. If your child is too sick to fight for their life, involve an interventionist. They will help you navigate the pathway from addiction to recovery.
Dear Mom, don't lose hope.
23 million families across North America lead beautiful, productive lives in recovery. Although it may seem like the heartache will never end, it can and does for many.
Lorelie Rozzano
www.jaggedlittleedges.com
