The National Scooper

12/03/2025

Grass Valley, CA - In an age where smartphones reign supreme and eyes are locked on screens, a unique chiropractor is making waves in Grass Valley. Meet Dr. Al Capopped, a chiropractic maverick specializing in a modern malady: the 'Tech Neck,' where people's necks and heads are perpetually angled downwards, hostages to their handheld devices.

"It's a modern-day curse," says Dr. Capopped as he adjusts a patient's neck. "Our ancestors looked to the stars; we're just looking at screens. I'm here to rectify that—vertebra by vertebra."

His clinic is a haven for the tech-obsessed and posture-challenged. Patients like Harry Balzac and Anita Mann, both confessed phone addicts, have found solace and relief under Dr. Capopped's care.

"I knew I needed help when I texted 'LOL' in response to a face-to-face joke," admits Harry, nursing a sore neck. "Dr. Capopped is helping me rediscover the horizon."

Yet, not everyone in town is convinced. A group of local teens, eyes fixated on their latest social media feeds, dismiss the notion. "Tech Neck? More like a stiff-necked approach to progress," scoffs one, her thumbs a blur over her smartphone keyboard.

Amid his bustling clinic, Dr. Al Capopped shared details of his unorthodox and patented technique for correcting Tech Neck, which raises eyebrows and heads.

"It's a three-part process," he explains, with a mischievous glint in his eye. "First, I have my patients text their last goodbye to their phones. It's a ceremonial parting, which sets the mood. Then, we move to the 'Neck-o-Matic'—a contraption I devised that gently bops the head upwards whenever they instinctively look down. Think of it as a tech-savvy cuckoo clock. For the finale, I perform a synchronized dance routine with the patient, set to the tune of vintage dial-up internet sounds. The rhythm is crucial for spinal alignment."

Patients like Anita Mann swear by the technique, though she admits, "It's bizarre. I never thought I'd tango to the screeches of dial-up as part of my chiropractic treatment, but here we are!"

Dr. Capopped's methods, while unconventional, highlight a whimsical and earnest effort to combat a very modern problem.

Dr. Capopped, undeterred, continues his mission with a blend of humor and healing.

"They say laughter is the best medicine, but when it comes to Tech Neck, a good old-fashioned neck crack does wonders, too."

In a world where downward gazes are the norm, Dr. Capopped stands as a reminder: sometimes, you must look back to look forward.

At Dr. Al Capopped's clinic, it's more than chiropractic—it's a revival. With his 'Neck-o-Matic' and comedic dance routines set to dial-up tones, he's straightening out the 'Tech Neck' epidemic one chuckle at a time.

12/03/2025

Nevada City, CA -- Citing irreversible damage to Nevada City's "unique cultural experience," the city council refused to hear a petition by grocer Trader Joe's allowing the Monrovia, CA-based business to open a location on Broad Street.

"First it was the chemtrails, and we put a stop to that. Then it was big telecom and their poisonous 5g. Then it was the wildfires, which we've stopped with grazing wild deer herds. There's nothing we can't do," said Nevada City Councilwoman Reinette Senum speaking of her most recent victories. "Now it's Trader Joe's trying to ruin our town. And it's just not going to happen."

For several years now, the community begged for a nearby Trader Joe's. For several good reasons. Trader Joe's ranked second in customer service. Although Ethisphere magazine listed Trader Joe's among its most ethical companies in the United States from 2008 to 2010, Trader Joe's did not make the list in 2011.

In 2014, Consumer Reports again ranked Trader Joe's a top-scoring supermarket chain. Nevada County's ranks it consistently as its favorite grocery store, despite the fact that the closest location is almost 40 miles away in Placer County.
Locals Not Happy
So to that end, many locals are angry about this latest decision to deny Trader Joe's in the now vacant Alpha Building on Broad Street.

"I'm all for stopping vaccinations, chemtrails, and 5g, but telling Trader Joe's to take a hike crosses the line," said long-time Nevada City resident and semi-retired conspiracy 'researcher' Davy Stonehouse. "I have to wonder if the deep state has somehow 'gotten to City Hall. Maybe we've been fooled by crisis actors running the city all this time. One thing's for sure, I'm not going to trust nobody anymore."

Below is the video response from Trader Joes, which was a usual step by the usually quiet grocer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY2MrsOhNmc

For the third time this year, the local government has prevented a better life.

12/02/2025

According to girlfriend Denise Dabberol, Keith Barlow hasn't been himself recently.

12/02/2025

Area researcher Skyy Wolford announced to a largely disinterested crowd in front of the North San Juan Sierra Super Stop that the Mars Curiosity Rover never landed on Mars, and has been roving the grass lands outside the Truckee, CA

Area researcher Skyy Wolford announced to a largely disinterested crowd in front of the North San Juan Sierra Super Stop that the Mars Curiosity Rover never landed on Mars, and has been roving the grass lands outside the Truckee, CA airport.

12/02/2025

St. Paul, MN -- In what many call a striking violation of the first amendment, Minnesota filed a lawsuit in the Virginia Superior Court. In the filing, the state claimed that the local mini-mega Twin Cities Church had violated its claim to being the "real twin cities." The lawsuit sought minimal damages and an apology from Grass Valley house of worship.

St. Paul, the Minnesota-based government, initiated the lawsuit last week in Norfolk, VA, alleging that the Grass Valley church had violated state and federal laws by using its nickname, which includes its sister city Minneapolis. The motion claims that the Twin Cities Church has a sister church in Virginia called the Tri-Cities Church, therefore justifying the filing in what some claim is an anti-church court district.

In a related story, the Tri-Cities cities of Kennewick, Pasco, and Richland in southeast Washington State are considering joining the action. However, legal experts say three is not the same as two.

Recently, the Twin Cities Church was in the news for raising objections about a proposed 'Mega Mosque,' which a Yuba City developer was planning just yards from its entrance. Although the project is on hold, while the Saudi-connected investment group eyes other Grass Valley developments, a memo released by the Grass Valley City Council says the project is moving forward soon.
Injunction Sought by Minnesota
A spokesperson for Minnesota said they hope the judge will issue an injunction in a Tuscon, AZ court by Thursday of next week. However, it's unclear why Arizona might be involved.

"The 1st Amendment plays in this," said a Minnesota Assistant to Attorney General Bethany Millbright. "But we feel the times have changed, and there is less a separation between the church and the state in recent years. The Constitution only says Congress shall make no law establishing a religion. It says nothing about a state government taking action against them on intellectual property violations."

Critics claim the lawsuit targets one of President Trump's key demographics: evangelical voters. Many, like area conservative activist Brock Whalen, seem annoyed.

"There is no way we're going to allow this to happen," said Mr. Whalen, who is Penn Valley's Tea Party leader and former candidate for animal control director. "This is not how our Constitution works. You don't get to single out one religion like this. Well, I mean, the real ones that God approves of. Do you want Godless Socialism? Well, this is what happens when we allow socialism and Moslems[sic] to take over. First is unemployment insurance, then Medicare for all, and then they take away Jesus."
Twin Cities Church Fights Back
Like local attorney Katherine Lucy-Elizabeth Tatum-Stonehousefelder, who is representing Twin Cities Church, others take a more tactical and technical approach.

"This is a SLAPP lawsuit aimed at silencing Minnesota's opponents. Sometimes SLAPPs make sense. Like when you sue an imaginary cow on Twitter. Or when you have to sue when people call you out for making up lies about the Sandy Hook tragedy. Or some fake police conspiracy. But this goes against everything in the Constitution," said Ms. Lucy-Elizabeth Tatum-Stonehousefelder.

When asked about the massive costs involved with fighting the government, Ms. Lucy-Elizabeth Tatum-Stonehousefelder grinned.

"Not only will we prevail, we expect Minnesota to cover the millions of dollars it will cost in Twin Cities' defense. Not only that, we're considering counter defamation action against the states of Minnesota, Virginia, and Arizona."

For its part, Minnesota is considering a counter lawsuit to the Twin Cities counter lawsuit of the original Twin Cities lawsuit. Experts expect this legal recursiveness to continue for the foreseeable future. And according to Ms. Millbright, the case will land in the Supreme Court, and she expects the battle to last for several years.

The State of Minnesota is not happy with a local church's name, and is now suing to get them to change their name.

12/02/2025

Grass Valley, CA -- Times are tough along Auburn Street, where Caroline's Coffee Roasters, a local institution known as much for its charm as for its carefully roasted beans, has adopted an unusual strategy to deal with President Donald Trump’s recent "Liberation Day" tariffs. Trump had warned that Americans might feel "a little bit of pain" during this great transition, but few imagined he'd meant it quite so literally. Now Caroline’s Coffee plans to pour its steaming beverages straight into customers' open palms.

"We didn't expect to get so personal with our customers," said Trace Fike, the owner and patriarch of this family-owned café, carefully testing the temperature of his latest Ethiopian roast. "But you know, we’ve been here roasting beans since 1982, and we've seen everything, from power outages to snowstorms, so we know this community can handle adversity. Even if it means third-degree burns."

Local patrons have met this news with mixed reactions. A line of brave regulars gathered early Tuesday morning on a corner outside Caroline’s, beneath the quiet hum of conversations and the scent of roasted beans drifting down Auburn Street, to experience the new policy firsthand.

Carl Prentiss, who had been frequenting Caroline’s every morning for twenty-two years, rubbed his hands gingerly together and smiled a tight, resigned smile.

"I reckon the President was right," he said, a trace of John Steinbeck’s grit in his voice. "There comes a time when a man must take his coffee as he takes his patriotism, scalding hot and without complaint."

But not all locals share Carl’s quiet stoicism. Myrtle Higgins, 72, a quiet knitter usually found at a corner table, openly expressed her displeasure.

"I've tolerated a lot in this life," she said, shaking a bony finger in the air, "but I never thought I'd have to feel my latte."

Yet Caroline's remains resolute. As beans tumble and turn in the roasting machine, Trace Fike nods thoughtfully.

"Sure, it's uncomfortable. But when you drink coffee from your own two hands, you understand something deeper, something true, about sacrifice. And anyway, we've stocked up on aloe vera and gauze for anyone who needs it."

Until the tariffs are lifted or a shipment of affordable paper cups arrives, Caroline's Coffee promises to continue serving not only rich coffee but also a lesson in perseverance.

In a blistering act of economic defiance, Caroline’s Coffee in Grass Valley now pours steaming coffee directly into customers’ hands, citing Trump’s tariffs and the spirit of American sacrifice.

12/02/2025

Monsanto, the world's largest supplier of genetically modified seeds and other genetically modified organisms announced this week at its annual stockholders meeting that it had developed a strain of medical ma*****na that seems to stop and

Monsanto, the world's largest supplier of genetically modified seeds and other genetically modified organisms announced this week at its annual stockholders meeting that it had developed a strain of medical ma*****na that seems to stop and in some cases reverse some forms of cancer.

12/02/2025

Texas start-up Breathe-Clean has come under fire for it's SpiderEasy of hypoallergenic air-filters which feature live genetically modified arachnids who, in the words of company spokes person Bethany Millbright "eat the particles that

Texas start-up Breathe-Clean has come under fire for it's SpiderEasy of hypoallergenic air-filters which feature live genetically modified arachnids who, in the words of company spokes person Bethany Millbright "eat the particles that humans can't see."

12/02/2025

Retired area "old-timer" James Richards has shared a special stash of photos he collected from "his NASA years" with family and friends. However since his recent passing, his son Richard suspects that his Father might have invented not only

Retired area "old-timer" James Richards has shared a special stash of photos he collected from "his NASA years" with family and friends. However since his recent passing, his son Richard suspects that his Father might have invented not only his astrophysics background, but also fabricated stories ab...

12/02/2025

The circumstances behind Janie H. Barnes' 1941 death are still a mystery. According to scant police records, Ms. Barnes was apparently walking alone towards Truckee during the early morning hours of September 6th, 1941 on what is now

The circumstances behind Janie H. Barnes' 1941 death are still a mystery. According to scant police records, Ms. Barnes was apparently walking alone towards Truckee during the early morning hours of September 6th, 1941 on what is now Highway 20.

12/02/2025

Sacramento, CA -- A Sacramento cat has miraculously survived a fall from the 24th Floor of the Sutter Valley Apartments on J Street, the SPCA is reporting. As his owner, Denise Caldera affectionately calls him, Chubby had made his way out onto the patio of her apartment and slipped off the railing.

"Chubby has always been a risk-taker," said Ms. Caldera speaking with KCRA news, who received exclusive footage of the daredevil cat moments after impact. "So I thought nothing of him jumping up on the wood railing. But something spooked him, and over he went."

Ms. Caldera's next-door neighbors in Apartment 24E said they heard screaming and immediately called 9-11.

"I had just brought home some Jim Boys tacos for lunch when I heard Denise scream," remembered neighbor Kevin Klauss. "She is usually quiet as a mouse."

It's unclear what scared the 28lb cat, but according to Ms. Caldera, she suspects it was a few blue jays who swooped in and started Chubby.

"I couldn't move. But then I heard it. A huge thump. And that's when I sat down on the couch and started crying. Then the police arrived and told me I had to see something."



According to the Sacramento police, who later snapped a photo for their page, Chubby had indeed fallen over 24 stories but managed to land feet-down, making a large indentation in the apartment complex's brick driveway.

"I have never seen anything like it," said officer Hal Dons who was first on the scene. "The cat was lying there enjoying himself. You know, like that's what he did every day. When I walked over to him, he just looked at me like, 'what do you want?'"

Chubby had made a 6-inch indentation in the brickwork and, after extensive testing at the SPCA veterinary clinic, was released without issue. Both Ms. Caldera and Chubby are doing fine. However, the cat is not allowed out on the balcony anymore.

An area cat made quite an impact on a Sacramento driveway.

12/02/2025

NEVADA CITY, CA — So, check this out: A local guy, let's call him Bjorn Andersen – because why not, right? – came up with this bizarre yet genius solution to his kids' incessant whining about the bathroom water quality. Bjorn, a 45-year-old plumber, hooked up the toilet directly to the sink faucet because his kids couldn't stop complaining that the bathroom water wasn't as good as the kitchen water. It's like, what the hell do they know about water quality?

Andersen was like, "You know what? I've had enough of their moaning and groaning. Let's give 'em the ol' toilet-to-sink treatment." And so, he spends his Saturday morning connecting the two fixtures with a hose, like some kind of mad scientist. When he's done, the water's crystal clear, and he's just standing there, smirking, like, "Oh, they're gonna love this."

Now, Andersen doesn't tell his kids about his little plumbing prank. No, he wants them to stumble upon it on their own. And when they do, they just lose it – they're so happy, they're practically dancing in the bathroom, guzzling water from the sink like it's a gift from the gods. They start showering their dear old dad with praise and affection, saying they love him more than ever. Can you believe it?

And you know what? Bjorn is just soaking it all in, thrilled to see his kids enjoying the water. He's like, "Ah, I'm the best dad ever. Not only did I solve their problem, but I also saved a few bucks on my water bill." Talk about a win-win situation.

Andersen plans to keep his little secret for as long as he can, or until his kids discover the true source of their newfound water nirvana. But he's pretty sure they'll never find out because, let's be honest, they're too busy chugging it down like it's the elixir of life.

So, here's to you, Bjorn Andersen, the ultimate trickster dad. You've shown us that sometimes, parenting is all about finding unconventional solutions and taking a little pleasure in your own twisted genius.

Plumber dad Bjorn Andersen's unique solution to his kids' complaints about bathroom water quality leaves them thrilled! Ingeniously connecting the toilet to the sink faucet, Andersen watches with delight as his children enjoy the "new" water, blissfully unaware of its true origin.