Hello all my friends, it has been way to long since I posted about my adventures. I have definitely been missing all my fans. I couldn't get a certain somebody out of his bed for days since we got back from nationals. I kept hearing one excuse after another.( but it's raining out, it's perfect for sleeping. It's too bright out, my eyes hurt. I don't feel good, Come on, 5 more minutes, I promise.) Yes your gonna write that. Don't give me those sad dragon eyes Fred. You have been lazy long enough, and I need to explain to my fans why I have been MIA. So, could you please just type what I say. Not everything I say, stop that! Now your just being mean. Fred come on, I am trying to explain why my friends haven't heard from me, your making this impossible. Fine, you want to give me a hard time about what I'm saying, then I'll just sit back and let you tell everyone why they haven't got their daily dose of this awesomeness in almost 2 weeks. Go on, tell them. Tell my fans why they were deprived of me for so long. Their waiting.....
Are you sure Broski? I mean you tell all the stories way better than me, I could just let you tell them.
Nope, sorry little dude. This one is all you. I didn't cause this mess. I was all about keeping my fans posted, giving them all this awesome. Your the one who was too tired to roll out of bed to type, so guess what? You get to explain yourself.
OK fine, I'll tell them, but not because your making me, but because I want to. OK back up give me some room. This master typist needs some space to work my typing magic.
Eh em..... Hello friends of the Bro, Fred here to explain what happened to Broski these past few days. To better explain what happened, I have to take you back, all the way back to our last post.( it's OK to say ours right bro? I mean you may be the star and all, but I help you out a lot, so it's not out of line to say our right Bro? Well, I'm just going to say our and move on.)
Our last post we were headed all the way out to nationals, but you probably already knew that. We did get back that Friday, you probably assumed that. But what you didn't know was what happened inbetween all that, no worries, that's what I am here for. To explain what happened.
Your supposed to tell them why I haven't posted Fred!
I'm getting there hold on to your paws, who is telling the story, you or me? I am so let me tell it.
Anyway....
See right before Bro headed out to Nationals, he packed up his last bag and put it by the door. I wasn't sure what was happening. It looked like Bro was packing up and leaving me for good. I know I'm not the best room mate. I snore in my sleep and I have a tendency to sneeze and almost burn the house down at least once a day. I'm loud and I stomp my feet when I walk, and I leave all my shedding scales all around the house. I mean that one shouldn't be to big of a deal, after all, you leave your hair everywhere, just flying around the house, so what's a few scales.
Fred! Off topic are we?
Nope, it's all apart of the story. You said for me to tell them, so let me tell them. OK where was I before I got rudely interrupted by my bestie. Oh yeah, so I thought the bro was going to just up and move and leave me behind. With the number of bags being loaded in the truck, I was just sure of it. I wasn't going to let that happen. So I took it upon myself to sneak into one of the bags before it was loaded up. It was a good thing I managed to find a comfy spot in the cooler bag, it turned out to be a longer ride than I was expecting, if I didn't happen to hide conveniently with all the food, I might have starved to death.
So there I was, the stow away, doing everything I could to be undetectable. When the truck finally came to a stop and the voice from the talking black box said you have reached your destination. Well finally, I almost died from boredom in there. I quickly unzipped the cooler and made my way into the backpack the human is always carrying around. I just made it inside in time and closed the bag up without being noticed. I was so proud of myself. Broski was not gonna ditch me. Nope, no way. I'm not that easy to get rid of.
Once I felt the bounce of the backpack get into a rhythm, I knew they were making moves. In a few seconds, the inside of the backpack got really loud. It sounded like a party was going on out there and I wasn't even invited. That can't be , everyone calls me the party king. If there's a party to be found, I'll be creeping around, I just have to take a peek. I popped my head out of the backpack and took a look around, you know to get a sense of the room. Just as my eyes started to adjust from darkness to the most unflattering florescent lighting, the back pack suddenly drops to the floor and I come tumbling out halfway across the room. I was exposed! Caught dead center in the middle of a dog show ring. I froze. What was this dragon supposed to do?
I was surrounded by all these huge beautiful Akitas. Each primped and fluffed to look their best. They were all so pretty, but they were not like my broski. Instead of trying to be my friend, they all stood their licking their chops. I was food! Oh no, how am I going to get out of this whole?I was so scared I was going to be missing a few chunks I almost peed a little. You know these Akitas are certainly nimble and fast on their feet.
I looked for a opening and a means to make a great escape. None to be found. They were all closing in on me. Surrounding me like sharks around a wounded fish. They all worked together. When I was distracted by the one in front of me, I would feel a hot shot of breath on my tail from behind as another one would try to dive in for a bite. Hey stop that! I would scream out. They responded with oh come on I never had dragon before. Just one taste! A variety of protein never heard nobody.
No you cannot eat me! I am a friend not food.
Out of the corner of my eye I spotted broski walking into the show ring. Yeah I'm saved. I started to run towards him. I knew he would tell all these Akitas I am his bestie and I'll be saved. Broski, over here! I screamed out as I ran towards him. He wasn't saying anything, he just stood there with his mouth wide open. Broski, it's Fred! Now's not the time for games or explanations, tell all these Akitas I am your friend and they can't eat me. I said as I ran towards him as fast as I could trying to stay alive. I got within two inches of him, when Brakes! I had to put my wings out to help stop me before I ran right into the mouth of the broski doppelganger. Wait what! Your not broski, I said as I used my claws for hooks to stop my momentum. The big guy didn't say a word, he just went in for a bite. I high tailed it right out of there, I almost forgot I have wings and have been practicing how to use them to get air. I gave a few good whole hearted flaps and before I knew it, I was high above the ring and turning all the four leggers into two leggers.
All the Akitas stood tall, trying to jump as high as they could to try and get a taste. I flew left and right and did a barrel roll all in hopes of shaking the curly tailed mob below, all trying to sink their teeth in me. Then I spot it, my back! I flapped as hard as I could. I knew if I could just make it inside and zip it up I'll be safe.
Eyes locked on target, I plunged through the air cutting the breeze like cheese. I knew I got this. I flew with all my might and nosed dived it right into my comfy traveling cave. I was safe. And not a moment to soon either. I quickly zipped it up and hid deep in the bottom of the bag as I was bum rushed by Akitas all trying to get a taste. All trying to paw and push the backpack open with with noses. It felt like an earthquake, I was shaking around so much.
Just then the backpack stopped moving and a light began to appear. Something was opening the bag. I peeked to see a wet black nose begin to sniff around. Oh no, they found me. I better hide real good. I found a spot in the corner of the bag and prepared to hunker down for the long haul.
The nose could still be heard but not seen. They were still out there. Then like lightning striking, I remembered I have a cool power. I can make myself smell like lettuce. Thats my dog repellent. Every dog absolutely hates lettuce. They immediately pick it off their burgers and spit it out. He will take one whiff of my pungent smell and take off running. So I closed my eyes, and counted backwards while rubbing my tummy and hopping on one foot to activate my scent glands. Yep it's working. As I began to release the smell of fresh crisp lettuce, The nose got a whiff and took off screaming there is lettuce in that bag to warn the others.
I stayed hidden in that backpack all week, unable to move, unable to sleep in fear the unknown bears will return. It was torture I tell you. I was even to scared to call out for my friend in fear his evil twin would hear me.
Finally, the backpack was loaded into the truck and we were on our way back. I was safe now. But now I was completely exhausted, I'm still a young dragon you know. Using any dragon power takes up so much energy, plus being so scared I was going to be lunch didn't help save much power either. My eyes started to close and I was falling into hibernation. I couldn't stop it my battery was on 1% and failing. I had to recharge.
So there I lay, in the back pack all the way home, silent in hibernation. No-one even knew I was on the trip until we got home and broski started to unpack. To his surprise, there I was. Curled up in a tiny ball passed out and only a quarter of the way charged up. In case you didn't know us dragons take a long time to gain full power again, thus the reason for the wait.
See broski I told you I would tell them.
Yeah in the longest way possible, silly Fred.
Well you can thank yourself for that. I learned my story telling skills from you. But wait their is more.
There is Fred?
Yup, there is. You see I feel just awful. My stow away trip denied all your loyal fans, me. Excuse me, did I just say that? I mean denied your loyal fans your daily awesome, I just have to make it up to them.
Oh really how's that Fred?
EASY Broskitator, I am going to extend the deadline for pre-sales of your first book Awesomeness. I know we didn't get to promote your wonderful cause while I was having a 24/7 panic attack. So I'm going to give all your fans an extra week to place their pre order for awesomeness. I mean I denied them enough. They really bed to read our book. I mean yours there I go again. It's your book I just happened to write.
Oh and I can't forget to mention this is a fundraiser. That's right the bro loves helping others so much he is donating proceeds to JoAnn Dimon and Big East Akita Rescue. We are asking for $30 for the book so we can make a large Christmas donation to Bear. So have a uncontrollable laughter fit and donate to help more bears like my bro here.
Don't believe me that this book is the bees knees, the whole cookie, the icing on the cake, the perfect thanksgiving turkey. Well why would you, I'm kinda biased. I live with the author you know. You should ask the winner of the first copy of awesomeness Kathy Pack herself. She will tell you it's all its cracked up to be and more.
So follow the link and order a copy today. See I told them Broski Ross.
You sure did Fred, you sure did.
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=JBHBNGVCGBGR6
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