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Story of life, Lausanne (2025)

14/07/2025

# # # **Crash Landing Priorities**

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly, the captain's voice crackled over the intercom:

**"Ladies and gentlemen, please brace for an emergency landing!"**

Panic erupted in the cabin, but the first lady remained remarkably calm. Without hesitation, she began putting on all her jewelry—necklaces, bracelets, rings, even an extra pair of diamond earrings.

The second and third ladies stared at her, bewildered.

“What on earth are you doing?” one of them asked.

The first lady smirked. **"Simple. When the rescuers arrive, they'll see I’m rich and pull me out first!"**

Not wanting to be left behind, the second lady thought fast. She swiftly pulled off her top and bra, sitting confidently in just her skirt.

Now both the first and third ladies gawked.

“What the heck are *you* doing?!” they asked.

The second lady grinned. **"Well, when they come to rescue us, they'll see my fabulous melons—and I’ll be the first one out!"**

The third lady, shaking her head, remained quiet for a moment. Then, with a smirk, she stood up, calmly slid off her pants and underwear, and sat back down.

The other two gasped. “Are you crazy?! *Why* are you doing that?”

The third lady leaned back, crossed her arms, and grinned.

**"Because they always search for the black box first!"**

14/07/2025

# # # **Garage Door Genius**

When our garage door broke, we called a repairman to check it out. After a quick inspection, he shook his head and said, **“Your motor isn’t large enough.”**

I frowned. **“That’s strange—we bought the biggest one available at the time. It’s a ½ horsepower motor.”**

He sighed and replied confidently, **“No, no. You need a ¼ horsepower.”**

I blinked. **“But… ½ is bigger than ¼.”**

He groaned, clearly frustrated. **“NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.”**
..We decided to find a different repairman. 🤦‍♂️

14/07/2025

For years, a kind-hearted man had a habit of giving a beggar $1000 every month. The beggar, grateful at first, soon grew accustomed to this generosity, accepting it as a regular part of his life.

One day, however, the man handed him only $750. The beggar was surprised but thought, Well, $750 is still better than nothing, and took the money without complaint.

The following month, the man gave him only $500. This time, the beggar hesitated. Unable to ignore the pattern, he finally asked, “You used to give me $1000, then it dropped to $750, and now it’s only $500. What’s going on?”

The man sighed and explained, “Well, when my children were younger, I was in a better financial situation, so I could afford to give you $1000. Then my daughter started university, and tuition costs were high, so I had to reduce it to $750. Now, my second son is also in university, and expenses have gone up even more, so I can only manage $500.”

The beggar frowned. “How many children do you have?”

“Four,” the man replied.

The beggar crossed his arms and scoffed, “So, you’re going to keep educating all your kids at my expense?”

Moral of the story: Sometimes, people come to see generosity as an obligation rather than a gift, forgetting that kindness comes from the heart—not entitlement.

13/07/2025

# # # **The Church Nap Trap**

A man who faithfully attended church with his wife had one small problem—he just couldn’t stay awake during the sermon. Week after week, he would doze off, much to his wife's frustration. Finally, she decided to take matters into her own hands.

One Sunday, she slipped a long hat pin into her purse, ready to keep him awake by any means necessary.

As the preacher launched into his sermon, he asked, **“And who created all there is in six days and rested on the seventh?”**

Right on cue, the wife jabbed her husband with the pin. He bolted upright, shouting, **“Good God almighty!”**

The preacher, pleasantly surprised, nodded. **“That’s right, that’s right!”** and carried on.

The man, now wide-eyed, sat back down, rubbing his arm and grumbling under his breath. But sure enough, as the sermon droned on, his eyelids grew heavy once again.

A little while later, the preacher asked, **“And who died on the cross to save us from our sins?”**

Once more, the wife jabbed him. He shot up from the pew and yelled, **“Jesus Christ!”**

The preacher, thrilled with his enthusiasm, beamed. **“That’s right, that’s right!”**

By now, the man was growing suspicious. He side-eyed his wife, wary of any sudden movements.

Then, as the sermon neared its end, the preacher asked, **“And what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?”**

Before his wife could even reach for the pin, the man leapt to his feet and bellowed, **“If you stick that damn thing in me again, I’ll break it off!”**

The preacher blinked in stunned silence.

The wife, meanwhile, simply folded her hands and smiled—mission accomplished.

13/07/2025

A Clever Wife’s Game
WIFE: Honey, let’s play a fun game!

HUSBAND: Sure! What’s the game?

WIFE: It’s simple! If I say a country, you run to the left wall. If I say a bird, you run to the right wall. But if you go the wrong way… you owe me your entire salary for the month!

HUSBAND: (grinning) Alright! But if you mess up, I get your salary too, deal?

WIFE: (smiling sweetly) Of course, dear!

HUSBAND: (standing up, stretching) Alright, I’m ready!

WIFE: Are you sure?

HUSBAND: Absolutely!

WIFE: TURKEY!
..It’s been four hours.

The husband remains frozen in place, staring into the abyss, desperately trying to figure out whether she meant the country or the bird.

Moral of the story: After God, always beware of a clever wife! 😆

13/07/2025

The Silent but Deadly Dilemma
A little old lady walked into the doctor’s office and sighed.

"Doctor, I have a little problem with passing gas. But honestly, it doesn’t really bother me. It’s always silent, and it never smells. In fact, I’ve probably passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been sitting here, and you didn’t even notice!"

The doctor nodded thoughtfully. "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."

A week later, the lady returned, looking rather distressed.

"Doctor, I don’t know what you gave me, but now my gas—though still silent—stinks to high heaven!"

The doctor grinned. "Great! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing."

13/07/2025

# # # **Clifford’s Final Resting Place** 😂

Clifford and Daisy May had been married for decades, and let’s just say… they were *loudly* devoted to each other.

Anytime they had a disagreement, their shouting could be heard deep into the night. And without fail, Clifford would end every argument with the same ominous threat:

*"When I die, I’ll dig my way up and out of that grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your days, ol’ woman!"*

The neighbors were terrified of him. Clifford *loved* that.

But, as fate would have it, he eventually passed away at the grand old age of 98.

After the funeral, the concerned neighbors gathered around Daisy May.

*"Aren’t you afraid he might actually dig his way out and haunt you?"* one of them asked nervously.

Daisy May just smirked and waved them off.

*"LET HIM DIG,"* she said. *"I had him buried upside down… and I KNOW he won’t ask for directions!"*

😂😂 **Pass it on and make someone smile today!**

13/07/2025

Three vampire friends sat perched on a cliffside under the full moon, their crimson eyes gleaming with excitement.

"Alright," said the first vampire, stretching his wings. "Let’s see who’s the fastest and boldest among us!"

With a confident smirk, he launched himself into the night, slicing through the air at 100 miles per hour. Ten minutes later, he returned, dusting off his cloak and flashing a smug grin.

The others leaned in. "Well? What did you do?"

"See that house on the hill?" he said, pointing.

They nodded.

"I swooped in through the window, startled everyone inside, and vanished before they even knew what happened!"

The second vampire whistled. "Not bad, not bad." Then he cracked his knuckles. "Now, watch this!"

With a burst of speed, he took off, flying at 120 miles per hour. Just five minutes later, he returned, looking even prouder.

The others were eager to hear. "What did you do?"

"See that village down there?" he said, pointing.

They nodded excitedly.

"I zipped through every street so fast that people barely saw a shadow! The whole town is in chaos!"

The first vampire clapped. "Impressive!"

Finally, the third vampire smirked. "Alright, get ready for this."

With a powerful flap of his wings, he shot into the night at an astonishing 140 miles per hour. But just 30 seconds later, there was a loud THWACK! followed by a rustling crash. A moment later, he stumbled back to the group, dazed, covered in dirt and leaves, and swaying slightly.

The others stared, eyes wide. "What happened??"

The third vampire groaned, rubbing his forehead. "See that massive tree over there?"

"Yeah…?"

"Well… I didn’t."

😂🌙🦇

13/07/2025

A man was strolling through the supermarket when he noticed a woman smiling and waving at him.

"Hello there!" she greeted warmly.

He hesitated, taken aback. She seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite place where he knew her from.

Trying to jog his memory, he asked, "Uh… do we know each other?"

She chuckled. "I believe you’re the father of one of my students."

His mind instantly raced back to a single, long-buried moment of indiscretion. His pulse quickened.

Eyes widening, he blurted out, "Oh no… Are you the exotic dancer from my bachelor party? The one I—uh—had a wild encounter with on the pool table while my friends cheered and your partner playfully smacked me with wet celery?"

A long pause.

The woman held his gaze, her expression unreadable. Then, with a slow blink, she replied,

"No… I’m your son’s teacher."

😳😂

13/07/2025

Ethel checked into a motel on her 70th birthday, feeling a mix of loneliness and an undeniable urge for adventure.

"Why not shake things up a little?" she thought.

Flipping through the motel’s phone book, she stumbled upon a full-page ad featuring a man who called himself Tender Tony. His photo showcased a dazzling smile, thick waves of hair, powerful legs, and sculpted abs so sharp she was sure a dime could bounce off them.

Her heart fluttered. "Well, I’ve lived long enough to deserve a little fun."

Without hesitating, she picked up the phone and dialed the number.

A deep, velvety voice answered, "Good evening, ma’am. How may I assist you?"

Oh my… he sounded even better than she had imagined!

Worried she might lose her nerve, she blurted out, "I hear you give incredible massages, and I want one. No—forget that. I’ll be honest… I’m in town alone, and I want excitement! I want adventure! I want it all, and I want it now! Bring everything you’ve got—I’m ready!"

Silence. Then a low chuckle.

"That sounds fantastic, ma’am," the voice replied smoothly. "But… you need to press 9 for an outside line."

😂😂

13/07/2025

# # # **Food Service Logic**

A customer walked into a Mexican fast food restaurant and ordered a taco. With a polite smile, she made a simple request:

**“Could you add minimal lettuce, please?”**

The employee furrowed his brow in confusion. After a brief pause, he replied earnestly:

**“I’m sorry, ma’am, we only have iceberg lettuce.”**

…Got it. That’ll do. 🤦‍♀️😂

13/07/2025

# # # **Wildlife Planning Committee**

Living in a semi-rural area, we’ve encountered some *unique* neighbors. One day, one of them made an urgent call to the local city office with a very serious request:

**“You need to take down the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.”**

Curious, the city official asked, **“May I ask why?”**

With absolute confidence, she replied, **“Because too many deer are getting hit by cars here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to cross anymore.”**

…And that, my friends, actually happened. 🤦‍♂️😂

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