The Quipster

The Quipster The content-free news source!

The Quipster, the content-free news source that is slowly but surely filling with content. The site was established in November of 2010 after Yeshiva University refused to fund a student-run satirical newspaper. As a result, the idea was taken to the inter-web. We at The Quipster are a collective of college students at YU whose interest is to lighten your day with some entertaining and fictional anecdotes that may, in fact, be true. We offer satire, humor, and all-around ridiculousness. We are the best! I mean we're pretty good. Really good! Well, we're not bad. Please don't go.

03/29/2016
TOP 10 BEST CAT VIDEOS OF ALL TIME!

The Quipster is currently undergoing an existential crisis, and will be back shortly. In the meantime, while you have nothing to do on the internet, please enjoy this compilation of cat videos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbP2N1BQdYc

We've scoured the internet and found the cutest and funniest cat videos of all time. Any we missed? Let us know! What should we count down next? — Video by B...

This Five Towns kid was extremely surprised to discover that "diverse" meant more than just coming from a different city...
03/22/2016
BREAKING: Five Towns Kid Meets First Non White-Jew | The Quipster

This Five Towns kid was extremely surprised to discover that "diverse" meant more than just coming from a different city in America.

This week the entire Five Towns Jewish community was rocked when Shloimy Golberg finally met a non white-Jew. “It was scary at first,” Shloimy said, from th...

We've all been in one of those situations where, without our circumcision, we probably wouldn't have made it out alive.
03/21/2016
6 Times Your Circumcision Has Gotten You Out Of a Bind | The Quipster

We've all been in one of those situations where, without our circumcision, we probably wouldn't have made it out alive.

That time the bank teller told you that you had overcharged your account by two hundred dollars - I honestly don’t have any idea what we would’ve done without y...

Students at Stern seem to be enjoying hearing about their friends days, cooking more and more schnitzel, and overall sim...
03/15/2016
Stern Girl Slowly Transforms Into Her Mother | The Quipster

Students at Stern seem to be enjoying hearing about their friends days, cooking more and more schnitzel, and overall simply acting more matronly.

“Freaky Friday” became a reality at Yeshiva University last week- except it is possibly an even worse scenario than the movie. It happened when Chana Steinberg,...

Chair for Sale: Slightly used, but good condition leather chair. $15 OBO. Pick up in Heights Lounge.
03/15/2016

Chair for Sale: Slightly used, but good condition leather chair. $15 OBO. Pick up in Heights Lounge.

03/14/2016
The Quipster Reads Your Fan Letters

We want our fans to know that we love and appreciate your feedback, so our editor has taken some of your fanmail and is responding to it. Enjoy!

The Quipster Reads Your Fan Letters

Finally, something good has come out of the Stern Crushes page (besides the many shidduchim they have made poss...
03/07/2016
YU Stern Crushes Prevents an Attempted Suicide | The Quipster

Finally, something good has come out of the Stern Crushes page (besides the many shidduchim they have made possible).

Earlier this week, Shmuel Fochenblach, a young freshman at YU, stood on the edge of the George Washington Bridge contemplating suicide. However, one cannot ...

Students were shocked and delighted by the festivals award winning films. The professors attempted to usher them out of ...
03/02/2016
Honors Program Accidentally Takes Students to Adult Film Festival | The Quipster

Students were shocked and delighted by the festivals award winning films. The professors attempted to usher them out of the theater as quickly as possible, but to no avail.

In one of the most tastefully erotic mistakes ever to be made on campus, the Honors program at Yeshiva University accidentally took its students to an adult f...

The JScreen event happened right on time. Students were relieved to know that they would be tested before the biggest sh...
02/22/2016
Genetic Screening Leads to Very Successful TAC/SOY Shabbaton | The Quipster

The JScreen event happened right on time. Students were relieved to know that they would be tested before the biggest shidduch event of the year; the TAC/SOY shabbaton.

The ever increasing shidduch scene breathed a sigh of relief this week as YU offered a free genetic screening which, due to the crazy amount of incest on camp...

This new study has proven that no Jew should ever have fun or relax lest they be tempted by the opposite sex to *shudder...
02/15/2016
Scientists Conclude that Levity Definitely Leads to Mixed Dancing | The Quipster

This new study has proven that no Jew should ever have fun or relax lest they be tempted by the opposite sex to *shudder* participate in mixed dancing. (chas ve'shalom).

Scientists at Princeton University concluded this week after years and years of study, that “levity and foolishness of spirit, leads to mixed dancing 100% of ...

02/11/2016

YU Rallies Around Stupid Baseball Team; People Rightfully Take to Comments Section to Right Injustice.

As most Jews know, by simply comparing an opponents argument to Hitler, or any Nazi ideal really, anyone can win an argu...
02/11/2016
Jew Sneaks Hitler into Conversation to Win Argument | The Quipster

As most Jews know, by simply comparing an opponents argument to Hitler, or any Nazi ideal really, anyone can win an argument. It's really quite simple and I guarantee your opponent will Nazi it coming.

In a stunning final statement that would rival Johnnie Cochran’s “If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit,” Shloimy Gotleib won a heated debate at the Pesac...

There is plenty to do, lots of events to attend, and there are more holidays than just valentiens day!
02/10/2016
BREAKING OPINION: FEBRUARY IS NOT BORING | The Quipster

There is plenty to do, lots of events to attend, and there are more holidays than just valentiens day!

We were all shocked yesterday when the so-called “editor” of the so-called “Quipster,” wrote a so-called “article.” We were even more shocked when we read the...

The public has been outraged by the erection of this wall and has been demanding it be torn down. Students stuck in West...
12/30/2015
YU, In Power Play, Erects Wall To Prevent Food from Reaching West Nagel | The Quipster

The public has been outraged by the erection of this wall and has been demanding it be torn down. Students stuck in West Nagel have barely been able to study for finals without the import of new and tasty snacks.

In a recent attempt at completely separating the religiosity of Gluck and the evils of the secular of the library, Rav Kalinsky has erected a wall between Eas...

As we all know, some things are NEVER funny! Even if it is clearly a joke and obviously written from a different time pe...
12/29/2015
YU Satirical Paper, The Quapster, Faces Controversy Over Offensive Article | The Quipster

As we all know, some things are NEVER funny! Even if it is clearly a joke and obviously written from a different time period, our past mistakes should never be made fun of! How dare The Quapster!!!

Earlier this week, the Quapster, YU’s prominent and wildly popular satirical paper (not to be confused with The Quipster, YU’s source of real and honest to go...

I've heard of loving God, but this student took it a bit too far during Mincha. As fun as the brawl was to watch, it may...
12/21/2015
Massive Brawl Erupts in Glueck, Interrupting Hour Long Mincha | The Quipster

I've heard of loving God, but this student took it a bit too far during Mincha. As fun as the brawl was to watch, it may have been a bit of an overreaction.

What started out as a normal afternoon prayer service quickly dissolved into a scene of utter chaos. The culprit turned out to be a congregant, who after a ...

We are very thankful for this interesting and insightful review of Geography of a Horse Dreamer, the most recent failed ...
12/16/2015
Review of YCDS' "Geography of a Horse Dreamer", Which I Totally Saw and Did Not Skip For a...

We are very thankful for this interesting and insightful review of Geography of a Horse Dreamer, the most recent failed attempt from YCDS to catch our attention. Thanks to staff writer Yaakov for "seeing" the play so that I didn't have to.

When I was offered the chance to attend “Geography of a Horse Dreamer,” the latest production by the YCDS, I could not turn it down. Even if there was a footbal...

The Shidduch Shuttle has taken on a whole new meaning now. with only three men and five women, who is going to be left a...
12/15/2015
YU's Shuttle App Accidentally Sends People to Space | The Quipster

The Shidduch Shuttle has taken on a whole new meaning now. with only three men and five women, who is going to be left alone and who will find their match? Tune in next time when we revisit the Shidduch Shuttle to find out.

Due to the inefficient shuttle app and failure for shuttles to arrive at campuses on time, Yeshiva University invested in a brand-new shuttle. However, instea...

None of our other sports teams have won anything through their method of relying on miracles, so it only makes sense to ...
12/10/2015
New YU Lacrosse Team To Try “Suck On Purpose” Strategy In Attempt To Create Underdog Story | The...

None of our other sports teams have won anything through their method of relying on miracles, so it only makes sense to switch it up and try to win based on an underdog story. Maybe then YU can win a game . . . any game . . . please.

In a press conference in the Rubin vending machine room, the YU athletics department announced that come Spring, all male students will have the opportunity t...

Due to some sort of divine joke, our beloved editor Shmetai Shmuchatowitz has passed on and his predecessor has *shudder...
12/03/2015
Quipster Editor in Chief Shmetai Shmuchatowitz Found Dead in a Ball Pit | The Quipster

Due to some sort of divine joke, our beloved editor Shmetai Shmuchatowitz has passed on and his predecessor has *shudder* been reinstated as Editor-in-Chief of The Quipster. It's very difficult to decide which piece of news to be more upset about . . .

In a tragic turn of events, our humble and gracious editor, Shmetai Shmuchatowitz, was found dead in a children’s ball pit at a Chuck-E-Cheese earlier this week...

20 years ago we sent our undercover writer Sam Rosenberg to try and understand the inner workings of YU Connects. He has...
12/02/2015
Quipster Writer Ends 20 Year Undercover Job to Understand YU Connects | The Quipster

20 years ago we sent our undercover writer Sam Rosenberg to try and understand the inner workings of YU Connects. He has finally completed his research and, after divorcing the wife he married to better understand the website, has written a wonderful review and guide to the application.

Author's Note: 20 years ago I was tasked with the job of going undercover to help my readers fully understand the inner workings of YUConnects and how they ca...

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