12/16/2021
For the past few days, I did my first full film shoot post cancer. I can’t begin to tell you all the emotions that came with it.
Doing what you love to do is truly such a gift, and I physically have not been able to do it for almost two years. I’ve been working on regaining my strength from the moment they placed a Picc Line in my arm and told me I couldn’t lift anything. I remember trying to pour a drink during chemo and my whole arm shook. I started building new skills because I didn’t know if I was going to be able to lift a camera again.
The scary part about cancer, chemo, and recovery is you don’t know what will come back or IF it will come back, so when I say I’ve been working literally EVERY SINGLE DAY to get better, I mean it. I’ve done PT, OT, walked, swam, lifted weights, stretched, danced, and climbed many stairs with a weighted back pack. All to be able to do something that I never thought twice about before. I never had to wonder, “Can I lift that?” And this is what I have to ask myself every day now.
To be able to carry this equipment and do a full shoot was an actual miracle for me. It was familiar and foreign at the same time. It was a physical and mental ball game. I went HARD for the first two hours and then had to take a break. As each day passed, I learned more and more about how to pace myself, when to take breaks, and how to allow myself to rest. I am learning this new body and how to operate it.
All of that was possible because I was filming for one of my best friends, the wonderful Hardy Weaver. I couldn’t have asked for a better first client back because I could take the breaks I needed and he would help me when I ran out of steam. It was comfortable, loving, and fun. Hardy was my caregiver my first week out of the hospital, and I’m so glad I could do something to try and repay his kindness and generosity.
And now I’m crying as I write this because I’m so grateful. Am I back to where I was before? Honestly, no. But do I have more hope that I will get there? I sure do. This was a huge initial step to take and I’m so proud of what I could do on my first shoot back. It is a night and day difference from last year and I will never take my body and what it can do for granted again.
So like Eminem, I have to ask,
🎵Guess who’s back? Back again?
SHADY’S BACK.
Tell a friend.🎵
📸: Hardy Weaver
