12/15/2025
My family - consisting of myself 39M, my wife 38F, and our two children Alex 15M and Marie 16F - moved last year because of my wife's job. Alex has had a rough time since. He had come out to us and his school mates as gay just a little while before he got the news that we were moving, so it was particularly hard for him. He had found a solid support system and felt safe where we lived before. That was taken away with this move. The place we live now, while still in the US, is less accepting. Alex has made a few friends but despite us being here for a year, he still hasn't really gotten comfortable here. Marie, on the other hand, really loves it and has been excelling at this new school thanks to clicking better with her teachers this year. The move did cause some tension between my wife and I even before we made a decision. I know there's no easy time to move, but doing so during the transition between middle school and high school (arguably the most awkward time of a person's life) felt like a cruel punishment for our son to endure. My wife said it would make things easier since he would be starting a new school either way. I feel like my wife has been very unsympathetic to what our son is going through. A few weeks ago, we found w**d in his room. While I was full prepared to 1. make sure he wasn't self-medicating in a way that could lead somewhere dangerous and 2. give him the 'don't be stupid, don't drive under the influence and don't stink up your room anymore' talk, his mom grounded him for two weeks and took away his phone every afternoon after school. This cut him off from his friends from his old school, further isolating him during an already hard time. This brings us to last week. I finally sat my wife down and told her things weren't working. We gave it a try for a year, but Alex has consistently expressed his unhappiness and discomfort to us. I told her it was time to start making plans to go back. She said that Marie was doing great here and that I always favored Alex as 'the baby of the family,' and that we needed to give things more time. She also said both kids would be off to college soon. I replied that I wasn't willing to let my son live in discomfort for three more years before college. Also, my job and money I had gotten from my grandparents (a trust fund of sorts) more than covers our living expenses and there's no real NEED for her to work. I said it was incredibly selfish to put a passion project ahead of her own child, and that being a parent meant sometimes putting our "needs" on the backburner while we do what's best for them. She was furious that I called her career a passion project and hasn't spoken to me since. I'm at a loss how to move forward. AITA? EDIT for clarification: I don’t expect her to stop working or to be financially dependent...
See link below ⬇️
https://aita.pics/gFDQR
