06/26/2025
JACKRABBIT REVENUE TO FUND NEW COURTHOUSE COMPLEX
SATIRE | The following article is a work of parody. Any resemblance to real fiscal projections, public planning, or common sense is purely coincidental.
In a surprise announcement following the Odessa City Council’s plan to erect a 100-foot stone jackrabbit in downtown Odessa, County Judge Dustin Fawcett revealed a bold new vision: use the enormous projected windfall from "Jack BIG Rabbit" to fully fund the County’s new courthouse/parking garage/post office/public plaza/library downtown revitalization scheme.
“I knew when I saw the City’s plan that they were thinking too small,” Fawcett told Odessa Headlines. “Why settle for a bunny on a rock when we could mount it on top of the new courthouse garage and turn this into the Vegas Strip of municipal projects?”
Fawcett’s revised proposal—now dubbed “The JackRabbit Justice Center™”—calls for placing the mega-rabbit atop the “Garage-Mahal,” as some residents have dubbed the controversial taxpayer-funded parking palace. “Positioned correctly,” he explained, “the ears alone will be visible from I-20, luring motorists like moths to a $325 million flame.”
According to Fawcett, famed economist Dr. Ray Perryman was immediately consulted. “We needed numbers. Big ones. And Ray delivered. He plugged in the new elevation, added a few exclamation points to the spreadsheet, and came back with a revenue projection of over half a billion dollars,” Fawcett said, adding, “I’m no economist, but I am a constitutional conservative visionary.”
The collaboration emerged after Mayor Cal Hendrick appeared at the recent Commissioners Court meeting to voice his enthusiastic support for the downtown courthouse. “When the mayor backed me up, I knew I had to return the love,” said Fawcett. “That’s how government-to-government partnerships work. I support his bunny, he supports my parking garage. The people win and all without a single vote by the taxpayers.”
Mayor Hendrick was equally enthusiastic. “When Judge Fawcett called and said ‘Let’s saddle the rabbit on a garage,’ I knew he was speaking my language,” Hendrick said. “This is exactly the kind of shiny object our citizens need. Let’s face it—we don’t have great roads, the water is sometimes brown, and half the trash doesn’t get picked up. But a 100-foot jackrabbit towering over a courthouse? That’s a distraction the whole community can rally behind.”
Hendrick added, “I mean, look at the crowds of people who come to Odessa just to see the Cloth World spire or the Stonehenge replica at UTPB. Jack ‘BIG’ Rabbit is going to make those attractions pale by comparison.”
Sandra Eoff, owner of the taxpayer-supported downtown Marriott hotel and convention center, praised the concept. “We’re already drafting renderings for jackrabbit-themed hotel rooms and a full ‘Hare of the Dog’ cocktail lounge. I’ve asked our chef to begin testing Hasenpfeffer recipes. We’re confident this will be Odessa’s Eiffel Tower—only taller, and with more ears.”
When asked about concerns over rising costs, displacement of the downtown post office, and lack of transparency, Fawcett was unfazed: “Odessa deserves nice things,” he said, quoting Councilman Craig Stoker. “And what’s nicer than justice, a freakin’ awesome parking garage, and a giant rock rabbit? This will have a much greater tourism impact than the aliens in Roswell could ever dream about.”
Sources say additional enhancements may include a taxpayer-funded carrot-shaped splash pad and a rabbit ear-shaped drone port atop the courthouse dome.