10/11/2026
Breaking news from off grid:
Ryan Woods, certifiably insane but lovable, has found a way off Stansbury Island and someone to fix his trailer.
“My prayers were answered. People prayed enough for me. Now they need to pray for Britney,” says Woods.
Woods no longer feels like a plastic bag, sources close to him say. He is, however, still batsh*t crazy and insists on continuing his off-grid lifestyle.
“He lost his mind out there,” said an onlooker.
More soon on this breaking story.