08/05/2026
It turns out I am not the only one that was having trouble with all of the smoke today A couple of hours ago I was re-reading one of my favorite books with my kitties and out of nowhere they jumped up and gave their “I see dead people” faces . I stop reading , look around and by the time I am back to the couch both girls are back asleep . Cats …. Ffs. So I start reading again and about 10-15 minutes later I feel something flutter across my cheek . I could see something out of the corner of my eye as well . Of course I handled it with my usual calm . I screamed , threw my book in the direction of what I thought I saw and turned on every single light in the room. I also looked under my blanket for some reason, I’m not sure why but at the time it felt like the right thing to do. My cats stayed loyal and at my side . Just kidding , they almost knocked each other out trying to run up the stairs first to leave me in the room alone. For a brief second, I’m thinking oh my God my neighbor finally found a way to curse me. This is some sort of Murphy p***s demon. I start to find some semblance of Calm and almost have myself talked into that I somehow imagined it. Was I so into my book that I just lost track of my surroundings? Nope ! Less than a minute later, a bat comes flying out of my kitchen, right past my face , through the front room ,down the hallway and disappears into the TV room. I was thinking well s**t , how am I going to take care of this by myself?then it hits me I have been married over 20 years. per law, My husband has to wake up and help me with this. So I run upstairs and try to wake up my husband as gently as possible “ Jim!!! Jim!!! You need to wake up there is a bat in the house ! Wake up!!!! It’s down there unsupervised right now!” My poor husband just trying to wake up goes “ what’s unsupervised in the house right now?” “A freaking bat Jim! A mouse that learned how to fly ! Get up let’s go!”
We go downstairs and I kept Jim between me and the TV room as I came around the corner. I looked in and saw nothing. Both the dogs were asleep. Everything looks fine. We searched the house for about 20 minutes and found nothing. Jim goes “ are you sure it wasn’t just a big fly or a moth?” A moth or a fly ???? He did not just say that to me . My perimenopausal brain snapped. “Siri show me a picture of a bat because my husband thinks I am a liar” Jim -“ I did not call you a liar. I just think that maybe you were exaggerating about what you think you saw.” *My eye starts twitching* “Jim…”
My husband finally sees the light and decides to look through the house one more time out of pure survival instinct . We look through everything again and find nothing. Jim asks if I checked behind the Kincaid painting. I said what’s a bat going to do behind the Kincaid painting? I pull back the painting and there is the bat hanging from the mounting wire on the back of the painting. It’s not moving . “Jim I think the Kincaid painting killed the bat” Jim reassure me that if it’s hanging onto the wire, it is still very much alive.
We sit there for a few minutes and Jim goes “ well why don’t you go put on your gardening gloves and reach back there and just grab it and we’ll take it outside” yeah ok let me grab one of Dracula’s distant relatives and just carry it through the house like a little winged puppy dog. Sure thing . After I politely told my incredible husband that that was not going to happen, he recommended we pick up the Kincaid painting on each side and carry it outside. My first reaction was, I don’t want my Kincaid painting out in the smoke. But then the bat started rustling around and I came to the conclusion sacrifices had to be made. We each took a side of the frame and very carefully took it off the wall . We walked slowly down the hall and made it to the front door . While Jim was trying to unlock the door the bat was getting agitated. At that point I was done, and Jim could see it in my face. Jim-“hold your s**t together babe we are almost there” i’m already looking at the bathroom door because if that little bastard starts to fly again, I’m locking myself in the bathroom and spending the night there. “Amy hold it together! I have the door open” “Amy move your feet , do you want ice cream after this?” Ice Cream at 2am ??? F*** yes I did ! I started moving my feet and Jim got his end out the front door. As I was almost to the front door the bat took off and flew off into the woods. I cried ( don’t judge me! Did I mention I’m perimenopausal and I have no control over my emotions right now!) My incredible husband brought the bat Kincaid back in and closed up the house . He then held true to his word and made us a bowl of ice cream to share. My two kitties came down from upstairs and also wanted some ice cream. I’m not sure how they earned it, but they are cute as s**t so we are just going to go with it.
Jim is back in bed already asleep, and I am watching golden girls with an ice cream sugar high at 3:30 am
