12/13/2025
My (26M) fiancƩe (26F) has been cheating with her ex. I need advice on how to handle this situation.
Advice
Hi everyone. This is my first time posting here. Iām shaking writing this, but I really need advice because I feel completely lost and broken.
My fiancƩe and I have been together for 3 years, two of them engaged. We met in November 2022 during a photoshoot I did for her birthday. From the second I saw her, I felt something. After the shoot we kept talking nonstop, and everything between us felt natural and full of chemistry. She made me feel chosen. Loved. Seen.
A month into dating, she invited me to Christmas dinner with her family. They liked me, and I fell harder. A few months in, I found out she still talked to her ex, but she said it was harmless. I trusted her completely. I had no reason not to. Now, looking back, I realize how blind I was.
In July 2023 we got engaged and had a traditional ceremony with our families. We planned to legally marry once I finished school. We moved two hours away for my university and built a life together. For almost two years I believed we were strong. We had normal problems but always found our way back to each other. Or so I thought. Toward the end she seemed distant, but I never imagined it was because of this.
Then September 2025 came, and everything started falling apart without me even realizing it.
One Saturday, when I wasnāt working, she left for her usual shift. Hours later, when I tried calling her, her phone was off. Her phone is NEVER off. I called again and again. Straight to voicemail. No texts. Nothing. My heart dropped. I drove along her bus route thinking she might be hurt or stranded. I even called her family, and nobody had heard from her. I was this close to calling the police because I truly thought something terrible had happened.
At 7 PM she finally called with a bizarre story about losing her phone on the bus. None of it made sense, but I was so relieved she was alive that I ignored my gut. I later found out from her employer that she didnāt even work that day. She lied. And I still didnāt see the truth ā that she spent the whole day with her ex.
A month later, another Saturday. She left for work again. Midday she told me she finished early and was sitting at the mall. When I got home, she was tipsy and went straight to bed. When I went to plug in her phone, I saw a Snapchat message pop up from her ex saying, āI care about you deeply too.ā
I swear my entire body froze. I couldnāt breathe. My hands were shaking. My heart felt like it stopped.
I opened the chat and my whole world shattered. They had been talking for YEARS. They had been physically intimate. Called each other babe. Sent selfies, love notes, private affectionate messages. Deleted messages Iāll never know the contents of. They had been meeting up since we moved into our new apartment. That day she ālost her phoneā? She was with him.
I confronted her immediately. She denied it for a moment, then admitted everything. I couldnāt even look at her. I slept on the couch while she begged me to come back to bed. I couldnāt. I felt sick. I didnāt sleep. My mind kept replaying images of them together. I woke up after three hours, exhausted and numb, and had to go to work like nothing had happened. I spent the whole day feeling like I was falling apart.
When I finally asked her why, she said she felt detached, like the spark was gone, like our relationship became āroutine.ā She never once explained why she didnāt talk to me. She never asked how I felt. Her apologies felt empty. She cried and begged not to lose me, but she didnāt show any real understanding of what she did or how deeply she hurt me.
The worst part is I still love her. I hate that I do, but I do. And it hurts like hell.
Iām sleeping in the other room now, trying to focus on school, but every day I feel like Iām carrying a weight I canāt put down. For three years, every dream I had included her. Now I donāt even know who she is. I donāt know if I should stay or leave. Iām terrified of regretting either choice. Iām terrified of never trusting again.
Iām grieving the relationship I thought I had, and Iām heartbroken in a way I canāt even explain.
Any advice would help. I donāt know what to do.
