08/07/2025
I did not want a cat. Not because I didn’t like cats but because I didn’t want one more responsibility thrown onto my already very full plate. The universe had other plans and aligned everything up just right for me to bring Mae home. One of the things that they don’t prepare you for in parenthood, is when your children don’t need you as much. I am a nurturer, by nature, and the clinginess of Mae was able to help with some of that loss of my children growing up and starting to come into their own. Unlike with human children, I didn’t have to raise her to be able to go out on her own one day. I could baby talk her and cuddle her and just love on her fully. I don’t have any vices anymore but I think one of the reasons I did smoke for so long is that it calmed my brain down and I wasn’t consumed by thoughts when smoking. Petting Mae gave me that same calming feeling. In her short time here, she helped me in ways that some may not understand. I miss everything about her. My son, Kai, asked if we were getting another cat. I said if we do, it won’t be for awhile. Maybe the universe will align again but for now, I am not ready to let go. I need time to reflect and try and forgive myself. I know this didn’t happen on purpose but I will forever blame myself for being the reason it happened.
