The New Stepford

The New Stepford Funny Reels for Real Moms. +250M Views +25K Unread Emails. Follow me on IG Stories šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ My name is Whitney Cicero. My goal of this blog is simple ā€“ Warn The Others.

Professional Mom, amateur writer and I think at one point I held a steady job where I was respected for my intelligence. Iā€™ll tell you a little secret, but you have to swear not to tell anyone elseā€¦.I still wear scrunchies when I wash my face. I think at one point I was considered ā€˜attractiveā€™ but now most days I look like the before picture of an IBS ad. I have nothing against the Mommy bloggers

who start their articles with ā€˜Sally did this annoying thing..blah blah blahā€¦but in the end they are worth itā€™ and like I said, I donā€™t have anything against these women, I just donā€™t want to be friends with them. Because the bottom line is, sometimes kids arenā€™t worth it. Most of the time they are. But there are a few times when I wonder what life would have looked like if they werenā€™t here ā€“ would I traipse across New York like Carrie Bradshaw, slt it up like Samantha or end up like Anastasia Steele (but like the smart kind that remembered to take her birth control). Who knows. I just wish someone would have warned me what I was in for ā€“ the highs and lows ā€“ so at least I could have stocked up the liquor cabinet. Enjoy the warning.

06/03/2026

Clean up your own s**t.
Please and thank you.

Ht .paschall


06/02/2026

Everyday is the hunger games. Literally Iā€™m starving. Also I chose a very steep set of stairs. This was dumb because I perform my own stunts. Donā€™t attempt at home. Also I donā€™t think anyone has ever washed that carpet so I may have pinkeye next time you see me.

Menopause, empty-nesters, magnesium popping, why-am-I-an-XL-now babes and dolls I love ya so much. Weā€™re in this together.

- Whit

emptynest magnesium biggerpantsclub

06/01/2026

How to make a weighted vest.

Take two bottles of wine.
Strap one in front of each b**b.
Walk like up a hill or something.
*straw not included

wine yesevenboxedwine dontbeasnob

05/28/2026

Having a summer intern in my office wasā€¦..enlightening.

05/28/2026

All my leaves are brown
And my hair is grey
Iā€™d go for a walk, but Iā€™d have to p*e

05/27/2026

No one is going to know.

Is tape looking for influencers? I always wondered if it had an accent?
ā€œYer lookinā€™ a wee bit saggy there, lassie ā€” can Ah help make ye less ugly?ā€

05/26/2026

Hi if youā€™re new here let me introduce myself. Iā€™m Whitney.

Real nose, fake t**s and Botox when I can afford it.

Insecure women donā€™t like me. Took me a while to figure that out and beat myself up about it for years. Finally learned to lean into it. And proud to say I have a ferocious group of bad ass gal pals who inspire and humble me everyday. (Hey yes Iā€™m talking about you).

Hearing my kids laugh is my favorite thing in the world.

I support gun control. No civilan needs an assault rifle. Itā€™s the one political thing Iā€™ve vocal about unapologetically.

Iā€™m narcissist adjacent and can speak it fluently but thank god I married an empath who has truly grown my heart and listening skills. Marry the funniest smartest guy in the room and you canā€™t go wrong.

I think Jeff Goldblum is the bees šŸ knees even though I hate jazz. I am also an atheist who believes in ghosts. IDK you figure it out. BTW I actually saw 3 ghosts and a ghost cat at the Culver Hotel last month and sometime Iā€™ll tell you about it.

My friends are my world. I got really lucky this time around with some golden eggs.

the sweater is from

I love horror movies, Rottweilers, caramel corn and good and plenty. I have IBS. I also host comedy shows a few times a month so come on out. We are feral. Follow

Iā€™d love to hear a random truthful thing about you. Make it juicy. Drop it below.

05/25/2026

We never drove in flip flops. We read cereal boxes like textbooks. We wrote our own college essays. We got jobs at 14 and took the bus. We listened to Wham! And wondered about blasphemous rumors. We know our 7th grade best friendā€™s phone number but not our own kidsā€™s. We paid for our first cars. We made our own lunches. Out social media was standing outside the 1 hour photo store in the mall and watching the pictures get printed - sideways. Our music rocked. I absolutely love .

05/23/2026

I have two modes: homeless or substitute drama teacher. Thereā€™s no in between.

Whatā€™s your current style. Drop a picture below of your outfit today.

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