10/02/2019
I haven’t weighed myself in over a year & a half. Is that normal, or abnormal? Don’t answer that. It’s rhetorical.
What I’m wondering is WHEN did it become the norm to focus so much on numbers and size? Why do we spend so much time picking ourselves apart, obsessing over a flat stomach and cellulite-free thighs when in reality, we are NOT A ONE-SIZE FITS ALL world, people. I used to associate every ounce of my happiness (or lack there of) on reaching a certain number on the scale and when I DID I thought my life would be complete and all my insecurities, anxious thoughts, body dysmorphia, and self-destructive behaviors would be gone but in fact, it was the thing holding me down all along. Numbers kept me in a mental prison and I had to let them go. Now that my daughter has grown to watch my every move, to mirror my words and my actions, I can not think of anything worse than her growing up to be insecure or placing her self worth on such meaningless things like the size she wears or an arm jiggle. What she sees now is that mommy is COMFORTABLE in her own skin. That, Self-love trumps everything. She will remember I was more concerned with finishing my ice cream cone before she did, introducing her to her first slice of pizza, and baking the best funfetti cupcakes she’s ever had, before she will ever know that eating those things used to throw me in to a downward spiral. If you’ve read this far, maybe you can relate.
