Bone Print Press

Bone Print Press Publish Askew Reviews zine, and other stuff.
(1)

06/02/2021

How’s it going, eh?

Hey ya'll. If'n have Askew Reviews and/or Bone Print Press in your email database...Please update your records to show o...
08/23/2019

Hey ya'll. If'n have Askew Reviews and/or Bone Print Press in your email database...Please update your records to show our email as:
[email protected]

08/04/2019
01/16/2018
DARK TIDE

I wrote this book review a thousand years back, but since this tragic event has some kind of hold on me, I repost every year on the anniversary of the Boston Molasses flood. As a wee laddy, My Grandpappy used to tell me stories about this flood and often spoke of how he could still smell the molasses on hot days.
http://askewreviews.com/columns/dark_tide.htm

DARK TIDE (Beacon Press) by Stephen Puleo. 2003. Nonfiction/history. At noon on the residents along ’s waterfront heard a sudden and deafening crash. Within moments, people were running for their lives from a 25 foot tidal wave of molasses. A 50 foot, 2.3 million gallon molasses tank had crashed....

11/28/2017

Buy A Nobody's Nothings and get Track Wreckard 1-14 for nuttin'. boneprint.com

07/26/2017

A lil' something over there letting ya'll know I'm alive...askewreviews.com

02/10/2017

Watched three (3) cool documentaries...and you'll find their capsule reviews over there on the Askew Reviews site: www.askewreviews.com

01/14/2017

Lil' update over there...I recommend a movie for the drive-in sci-fi schlock head and my Etsy shoppee. www.askewreviews.com

01/01/2017
www.boneprint.com

2017 marks the tenth anniversary of my first book, A Nobody’s Nothings. Although my poor editing is a tad embarrassing, I am still very proud of this book. Last night I was thinking how the book often sold to groups of people. When first published, I sold hundreds of A Nobody’s Nothings to college professors, where it was well received. It started with Harvard University and worked around from there. Then it entered the punk scene, which was not a surprise as I grew up in that very same scene. The book was not well received by my “fellow” punks, due in large part to punks being fairly judgmental. Ya they are. Then came the penitentiary scene and since prisoners only ask for freebies, blah. I’ll tell you, it was weird receiving eloquently hand written letters from murderers and rapists (I researched almost every letter). Along the way there have been, and still are, multiple requests from a certain country, which is most likely due to a locally penned review. Ireland was the first, England, Australia, Canada, Russia, and various one offs here and there. Still hoping for a New Zealand sale! The latest group? Cam girls. I have a friend who is a cam girl, but she says the sales have nothing to do with her. Although I am not into cam girls or online p**n (hell, I wrote for an adult video magazine for years and was the guy who covered the stuff everyone else refused-hermaphrodites, smothering, etc- so I’ve seen it, already), this is certainly not a shabby group to have as readers. The next year is looking positive writing wise…cheers to the adventures that always piggyback the published word.
www.boneprint.com

12/02/2016

Looking for a new holiday flick to watch ever year? Check out the wee review over there...
www.askewreviews.com

11/10/2016
"Divine Exploitation #9" by Douglas Waltz

Hey ya’ll…I’ve a nonfiction piece, The Beautiful Dents (concerns a handful of horror movies that left an impact on me), in Divine Exploitation #9. They cover the whacky/bizarre/nutty films of cinema greatness. So great to be a part of it! https://www.createspace.com/6584855

Another fun filled issue where we look at flicks like DEMENTED, THE BOOGENS, BLOODBEAT and so many more!

10/17/2016

Today, while speaking with my 13 or 14 year old niece about the community hours she must complete in order to have her drunk driving conviction wiped off her record…no sir… hours to enable her to go through confirmation (Catholic thing), I told her the true story of what happened to me while completing my confirmation community hours when I was her age. And now I shall pass it along here to be ignored and passed over because this is what I do. I was 13/14 and serving my by time standing in front of a local grocery store (currently The Big Y in Norwell) collecting money for a Knights of Columbus charity (they still do this today). If they dropped some money in the can, I was to offer them a K of C branded Tootsie Roll. The afternoon was rolling along when a car, two door light yellow with dark green interior, parked in the fire lane directly in front of me. I can still picture it. Two men exited the car. The taller of the two sported a long jacket and walked past me into the store. The shorter bearded one wearing a light Members Only jacket stopped and dropped some money into the canister. I gave him a Tootsie Roll and he smiled me a pleasant smile. A few minutes later, a store clerk ran out of the store and asked me, “Did you see two Black guys run out here? They robbed the store!” For some reason, I had not seen them leave. A day or so later, a police detective showed up at my house asking me to flip through binders of mug shots. I recognized the two men. The taller guy, the one who held a gun a woman’s head demanding money, was named Daniel Baskerville. I do not recall the bearded man’s name. I think Daniel’s name has stuck due to my laddyhood love for The Hound of The Baskervilles. After pointing out the two, the detective asked to use our telephone and said to someone on the other side I had picked out the same two the woman had fingered. In passing I mentioned the bearded guy dropping money into the can and me giving him a Tootsie Roll. He mentioned the wrapper was found in the car and would be used as evidence, which meant, to me, the coppers had captured the bandits. I do not know what happened to those guys and this concludes a story of nonfiction that’ll languish in social media oblivion for decades to come.

09/30/2016

Denis Sheehan’s Attempt at Breaking the Writer’s Block by Rewriting a Children’s Song

The turds in the toilet go ‘round and ‘round
‘round and ‘round
‘round and ‘round
The turds in the toilet go ‘round and ‘round
After you pull the chain

The water in the bowl goes up and up
Up and up
Up and up
The water in the bowl goes up and up
Your poo was incredibly huge

You shake your head and scream and run away
Scream and run away
Scream and run away
You shake your head and scream and run away
Leave it for the next guy

You hear your mother screech your name
Screech your name
Screech your name
You hear your mother screech your name
You hide beneath your bed

Here comes Mom and she’s holding a knife
Holding a knife
Holding a knife
Here comes Mom and she’s holding a knife
She forgot to take her meds

She grabs your throat and pins you against the wall
Against the wall
Against the wall
She grabs your throat and pins you against the wall
The Thanksgiving dinner guests ooh and aah

Mom’s new boyfriend points and laughs
Points and laughs
Points and laughs
Mom’s new boyfriend points and laughs
He is a dick

Grammy and Grampy swear and intervene
Swear and intervene
Swear and intervene
Grammy and Grampy swear and intervene
Their breath smells like Scotch

You dive out the window and flip ‘em the bird
Flip ‘em the bird
Flip ‘em the bird
You dive out the window and flip ‘em the bird
F**k all this noise

Needing a drink you hit a foreign owned bar
A foreign owned bar
A foreign owned bar
Needing a drink you hit a foreign owned bar
They’re immigrants and don’t give a s**t about Thanksgiving

After seven drinks your stomach grumbles and rumbles
Grumbles and rumbles
Grumbles and rumbles
After seven drinks your stomach grumbles and rumbles
You ate too much gravy

Flexing your sphincter you stiff leg it to the restroom
Stiff leg it to the restroom
Stiff leg it to the restroom
Flexing your sphincter you stiff leg it to the restroom
Here we go, again.

You race on in and teach that toilet a lesson
Teach that toilet a lesson
Teach that toilet a lesson
You race on in and teach that toilet a lesson
And they’re all out of toilet paper

09/12/2016
Askew Reviews

If'n don't follow my personal social media garbage, head over to the website to read a food review.
www.askewreviews.com

Askew Reviews is a zine often found at Hobo camps

05/27/2016

As I had feared, my laptop’s hard drive is now garbage. All writing is basically on hold as I do not perform such activities on my work laptop, for legal and ownership reasons. Well, I am writing this post, but they can have it if they want it. I have been backing up my data, so I did not lose much, but I will have to piece together some website stuff. Until I get a new drive…have fun, give ‘em hell, and don’t be stupid.

05/20/2016

Not that I update the sites all that often...the laptop that houses askewreviews.com and boneprint.com is down, so zero updates until I figure this s**t out, ya'll. I love you all.

04/01/2016

Today, while supporting a local convenience store I found myself in a line two customers deep. A short stocky man was up front and I was number two. The man in front of me was purchasing several lottery plays. However, since he was throwing out formula like requests – as if scientifically debunking the theory of relativity - the girl running the cash register/lottery machine was having a bit of difficulty. It also didn’t help how the guy was making his requests; rambling on and on without allowing the girl a second to press the buttons. I swear, it was like this guy was speaking an alien language not even C-3PO would understand. Seven minutes later, at last his order was complete; several daily numbers and several scratchers. The total came to $38. Before departing the counter, he asked to borrow a penny from the “take a penny leave a penny” dish to scratch that itchy scratcher. He walked away with the penny and I paid for my stupid water and walked out of the store. While walking home, I obsessed if the lottery scientist returned the penny. After all, he did ask to “borrow” that penny. Moral of this story…mind yer own damn business and your brain won’t be cluttered with useless thoughts that mean absolutely zero to you.

02/27/2016

Brain Scribbles…Being a fella’ who tends to look on the bright side of thangs, I see two positives should Trump be elected president. 1) HRC will not be president. 2) witnessing every single liberal and some conservatives lose their f’in minds every single day for at least four years is a dream come true for me. Silver linings… Being an unenrolled voter I am not a slave to any single political party. Come primary time, I can pick and choose which party to vote. As the MA primary approaches, I once again find myself voting against someone rather than voting for someone…I once read washing your hair with urine is a good thing, but got-dang doing a handstand in the shower is hard as s**t…Montreal Steak seasoning by McCormick is a damn fine steak seasoning. One of the best…If’n enjoy the works of Hunter S. Thompson, check out Ralph Steadman’s 2006 book, Joke’s Over. In it Mr. Steadman (illustrator for many of Thompson’s stories, offers his point of view concerning his adventures with Mr. Thompson. Boy, Hunter seemed like one giant pain in the arse, but a damn fun time to be around (if you don’t mind being maced)…Time for me to git my Satterday night going. Go scribble yer own brain…

11/13/2015

When I was in 5th, 6th, or 7th grade I won a contest (selling magazine subscriptions for my school or some s**t) and landed my arse what I thought was a cool Kiss poster. Turns out I actually won a Kiss t-shirt iron on transfer. However, it was a damn cool Kiss t-shirt iron on transfer. Though, not as cool as the Kiss poster. One day my Mom ironed the Kiss t-shirt iron on transfer onto a white t-shirt and not only was I now a Knight in Service of Satan (that’s what Kiss stood for according to my older cousin Bernie…who also told me if I sneeze with both eyes open I’d die), but I achieved the Knight in Service of Satan status thanks to the parochial I attended! A Catholic school turned out a Knight of Satan ready to service (f’off pervs)! That day I was Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, Peter Criss…but I was really Ace Frehley because Ace Frehley was the man. With rock-n-roll-a-blazin’ on my chicken chest I ruled the world, until I got tired, undressed, and went to bed. A few days later, my mom washed the shirt and the mighty Kiss t-shirt iron on transfer disintegrated in the washer or dryer vanishing into the septic tank or lint filter. And I was no longer a Knight in Service of Satan, although I did try to become a member of the Kiss Army but failed when my Mom said no. -denis

08/17/2015

Tonight I walked uptown to that crappy bar to play some pinball. When I arrived, I strolled up to the bar and waited for the bartender. While waiting, she took forever (I think she’s new to the joint), I watched next to me as two women, guessing early 30s, talked with a very inebriated and weathered looking man (guessing 40s). The women were being very friendly and touching the man’s hair while discussing how his haircut looked silly. Soon, the man made his move and sat on the stool with one of the women (the less attractive one, in my opinion). The women instantly turned everything off and simply ignored the man. They did not ask him to get up or stop, but ignored his every word. After a few minutes, I saw an absolute look of defeat on his face. He stood up and walked away. Yes, the guy made all the wrong moves…and this is coming from a guy who can’t pick up a “lady of the night” with a fistful of Bennies in the poorest part of town. However, I still felt bad for him. The look he gave when he realized neither woman was interested was one of devastation and deep loneliness. I am not implying the women should have placated him and he did make that fatal error of invading personal space, but I could tell this-to him-was more than being turned down by someone. At last, the barkeep handed me my beer and off to the pinball I went. While playing, with one broken flipper (!), I noticed the women walk by me toward the rear entrance. Five minutes later I exited the establishment via the front door and saw the man sitting on the steps with a smoke in one hand and his forehead in the other.

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